to think that ‘whoever cooks doesn’t wash up’…

[theodozya]

…is applicable to e.g. normal weeknight dinners, and not to days when men unilaterally decide they want to invite people round and cook pizzas for everyone in the outdoor oven PLUS do a full barbecue, making an unholy mess, then sit down with a beer after eating, leaving their wives/other guests to look after their tiny DC all afternoon and then clean up 20,000 flour-laden dishes and condiments in 31 degree heat?!

(I put him right straight away, of course!)

We have this rule in our house too (though DP may have to be reminded when it’s my turn to cook)
and actually when he’s cooked, I have more cleaning up to do as he uses so many utensils etc 😂

We do the opposite rule and it works much better for us: if you cook, you also wash up. But we we swap nights alternately to share it 50/50. If one person did the majority then I can see that wouldn’t work.

Two reasons we do it that way:

1. The person who doesn’t cook has one whole proper evening off from the kitchen (and vice versa) which feels much more of a treat than being cooked for but then having to get up and clean up after someone else.
2. You don’t end up resenting anyone else’s mess (especially if one person is more likely to make a bigger mess, not clear up after themselves as they go, and use every pot and pan going!).

We do the 'full service' cook and clear up yourself because I'm a 'clear up as you go along' while DH is a 'use a fresh teaspoon and doesn't even put them in the dishwasher as he goes along kind of cook.

More recently we have fallen into the habit of cooking enough say chicken for both of us and each making themselves a salad to go with it.

Very different tastes in salad veg. I need spinach or cabbage each day to keep regular while DH is much better off on low fodmap kind of good.

Still clear up own mess

Much better for the cook to clean up to. I'm really neat and tidy when I cook but my husband is messier. It would annoy me to have to clean his mess. Also it's usually easy to do a lot of the cleaning as you go.

@Greatfyl we are the same usually

We take it in turns depending on how we feel, OH washes up more on the whole because he doesn’t mind that task but I can’t stand it so I do other things ie cleaning of bathrooms when it’s cleaning day, etc

I often think the “whoever cooks also clears up”’rule works better, as it avoids this type of thing. However it only works if both people do their fair share of the cooking.

But even if you have the rule you described, not, he doesn’t get to make the most incredible mess with a meal that’s quite fun to cook but a right pig to clear up, that he unilaterally decided to cook. Especially not if also expecting you to look after the kids!

Whoever cooks doesnt wash up is a terrible attitude always. Some people make an absolute shit tip when cooking. Other people clean as they cook and leave just the plates they are eating off to clean away.

whoever cooks cleans the kitchen afterwards.

do not split the one job.

We also do it the other way. I clean as I'm cooking so there's very little left to do at the end. My husband uses every pan and utensil known to man and when he's finished cooking the kitchen looks like a disaster zone. So it works much better for us that the cook also cleans. It also means you get a full evening off cooking and cleaning when the other person does it.

I wish!

I cook but I was ( note was ) a very very messy cook

DH refused point blank to clean up my mess when he was happy with a take away or a pizza

im now a lot cleaner but still love to cook

he still refuses to clean up my mess

I made sure to only date men who expressed interest in cooking. If there is a next time, I'll remember to check out what they are like at riding and cleaning. Sigh.

I clean as I go, ex would use every single pan in the place and leave it looking like a bomb had it. That's not fair. So now I have a "if you make the mess you clean it up" (otherwise known as 'own your shit')

Our rule is : whoever cooks washes up.

I got absolutely sick of cleaning up the mess my husband made of the kitchen when he cooked. There was stuff fucking everywhere and food and sauces all over the kitchen surfaces just because he couldn’t be bothered to be more careful with what he was doing……and don’t even get me started on the state he’d leave the hob in!

It’s funny how he’s suddenly a lot tidier now he has to clean his own mess up.

Yup like most people here, I’d rather clean up my own cooking mess than someone else’s. XP was one of those “use every pan, mix things in bowls and jugs then slop them all over the hob, splattering fat everywhere” type cooks. One time I asked him to clean up after he’d cooked duck breasts and splattered grease all over the hob, worktop and floor. He said he’d do it after dinner, rather than as he went along. So the duck sat there resting, I put something else on the job and he said “now cleaning it is your job as you were the last to use it”. Dickhead. One reason I’m glad we split up, he was a lazy shit.

Well this has been a revelation! I’ve always been in the ‘one cooks, the other washes up’ camp but I can see the other way makes more sense.
I actually cook every night and get the teenagers to wash up, but if I find myself in another adult relationship, I’ll do it this way.

My ex had this rule but he loved to cook me not so much.

Problem was because he knew he didn't have to clear up he acted like he was on Saturday Kitchen or something and would use ever pan/kitchen utensil going. Consequently clearing up was a mammoth task even with a dishwasher (which he refused to put anything in - subject for another thread all on its own!).

When I cook I clear up as I go along so much less of an issue. Pans get washed and reused and other things go straight in the dishwasher. Eventually all that is left to clean are the plates and cutlery used for the meal. Much easier all round.

I think if you share the cooking then it is easier to cook and clean but if you're like me who hates cooking then I like to always wash up while my DP does all the cooking. I find cleaning a lot less stressful than cooking.

In regards to having people round/bbqs etc I think both people should muck in with the clearing up even if one person does most of the cooking!

Imo whoever cooks should wash up.

When you know you wash up you use less stuff!

I cook,DH cleans up,it has worked that way for us for 30 years

Definitely not! That is a license to make an unholy mess whilst cooking, so we have the opposite rule. I am a tidy cook, I clear up as I go, by the time I am serving up most utensils, pots, pans chopping boards etc have already been washed and put away. DH seems to use every pan in the house for even the simplest things, plus umpteen chopping boards and every spoon spatula or whatever we possess, all of which is scattered around a bomb site kitchen. He cooks, he tidies.

As there are only two of us, who puts two plate and four knives and forks in the dishwasher isn’t really an issue, it is more the after cook clear up that needs to be done by the cook.

I wash up utensils and pans as I cook usually, so never have to much to wash up.

DP uses every single knife/pan/bowl. I will not wash up when he cooks. It would take all night.

So the chef also washes in our house.

It isnt even about using less. When i start a meal i make sure the kitchen is clean first, clean dishwasher emptied and everything put away, i fill the sink with clean soapy water. if i use a utensil, i put it straight in the dishwasher or wash it in the sink ready to use again. When i use the pans i wash them straight away. I wash the chopping boards, or out them in the dishwasher, i serve out onto plates / serving bowls, and then wipe down the surfaces and hob. The only things to wash after the meal are the plates, cutlery we have eaten with and glasses we drank from. The children and adults out their own things straight into the dishwasher. A recipe could need different pans / oven dish etc but i still have very little to do at the end.

when dh cooks (far more frequently than me i must say) he needs to wipe down bloody walls and cupboard doors! The clean dishwasher will be full which he has to empty before filling it with the dirty stuff which is already all over counters as there is nowhere else to put them.

Who cooks also cleans works well when there are teens experimenting as well, gets them in the habit of tidying their space. As I cook the most I remind everyone that they will all suffer the most if the rule changes.

When DH and I first moved in together we started a one of us cooks, the other cleans up routine. Until I discovered what a messy cook he is. So we changed it to whoever cooks cleans up too. It's worked well for us for thirty years now.