to be really upset with my manager

[readyfornum2]

I work in a restaurant and get on really well with the assistant manager,I worked 5pm till midnight last night and then after our shift a few of the staff and the assistant manager sat talking and having a laugh til the early hours.

I was supposed to start at 12pm today but the assistant manager was opening up and wasnt feeling well so I offered to go in early and help her set up (unpaid due to budget issues)
When I got to work this morning she was really ill and shouldnt have been there but had no one to cover her shift so I made her go and sit in the office and I set up all on my own and helped organise the other staff so that she wasnt needed on the floor. It was a tough shift but we got through it.
The general manager came in just after 4pm and just started moaning about everything, I was supposed to finish at 5pm so when the girl came in who was taking over from me I asked the manager if I could hand over my tables and she said that she wanted the restaurant completely sorted before I went which was fine so I started getting stuff done and was waiting for some cutlery to be washed so I could polish it when a customer approached me and asked me about having our mascot out on the floor for the kids so I said I would speak to the manager and see what I could do. I went up to her and before I even opened my mouth she started laying into me about getting the cutlery done before I went and to stop pestering her! I explained that I was only there to ask about the mascot, she sent someone to get changed into the costume and walked off.
I ended up in the toilets crying my eyes out because I was so upset with the way she was treating me- I didnt mind helping set the restaurant up but to shout at me without hearing what I said really upset me!

So I got the cutlery polished and she came up and asked why I had tears in my eyes and I said i was upset so she told me to go and sort my cash out. I went to the office and as nice as pie she asked if I had my cash out sheet I said no and she went and fetched it.
She asked why I was upset and I burst into tears and before I had a chance to explain she started laying into me again!
There is a supervisor post coming up which I had applied for and she mentioned that in a way that said "well your not getting that now" so i cashed up and left and came home and Im still crying now.

I just cant get over the way she treated me after everything I have done to help out today.
I dont want to go back and dont know what to do next. Should I write her a letter explaining how I feel or should I just carry on as normal?
I have 2 days off now so want to know what to do when I due back?
The manager is 6 months pregnant and although I understand about hormones I dont think she should be allowed to get away this kind of behaviour,maybe I shouldnt have let it upset me so much but I work my ass off for them and just get shit on in return

Sorry for the long rant

Sorry to hear that. I have no advice but and for you.

hi there. i am so shocked to hear how you as an obviously willing employee has been treated. In some ways its good you're off for 2 days so you can get your head together and decide how you're going to proceed as sometimes in the heat of the moment, emotion takes over and you don't end up getting your point across. Here are my thoughts - it sounds like your assistant manager has a lot to thank you for after the way you stepped in today. Assuming she and the Manager aren't in each others pockets and she is someone you feel you can approach, why not speak to her when you get back about the way the Manager treated you. Taking the emotion out of the situation - just the facts - and explain you felt you had been unfairly treated - particularly after the commitment you had shown earlier in your shift. Ask whether the Manager has mentioned anything to her about it ? If you think all this woman will then do is go to the Manager and tell her you've been slagging her off - then this route is a pointless one as you'll just end up making things worse for yourself. Do you ordinarily have a good relationship with the Manager ? If so, ask her to sit down with her at a time she's going to be least stressed - if she can't do it immediately, be patient. Actually, if someone said they wanted to sit down with me I'd probably be intrigued and want to know there and then what it was about - so make your initial approach at a time she isn't going to be super busy in case she says - just tell me now. Explain you were a bit taken aback by the way she spoke to you when you were trying to assist a customer who had asked you a question. Explain you realise there were tasks to get done before the end of your shift and that everyone is busy, but you feel that answering a customers query is a priority and this meant you needed to interrupt what she (the Manager) was doing. Some people are too proud to apologise and she may be defensive because it sounds like she knows she was in the wrong - but if you speak to her in a calm and rational way that is the best way to do it. You may be left feeling mad if she doesnt react in the way you'd like - but at least you'll have got your point across. I would also suggest trying to raise with her your feelings re the comment she made about the Supervisors job. Try and find out on what grounds she feels you wouldn't be suitable because as far as you're concerned, the way you reacted that day to all situations presented to you was the correct way. You stepped in to help a more senior colleagure who was feeling unwell. You tried to assist a customer - you feel like you went above and beyond your duties - which you feel are qualities required of a Supervisor. If she does not agree, ask her for feedback on what ways she feels you could have done better what you did that day - and any general feedback she has that would help you to improve your performence and make you a more suitable candidate for the Supervisors job. This woman might be pregnant and hormonal but that doesn't give her the right to treat you the way you've been treated. When I have a shit day I try and remind myself that I'm only there for the money and what is at home is whats important. I work in HR by the way. Any more advice - let me know xx

all i can say is what a bitch

and also dont put yourself out to help her agin if she is stuck tough your busy cant do it

why do extra unpaid work to be treated like that i too was in similar situation once i was worked ragged tryimng to impress boss took all credit for my work then demoted me lol

never again do your work as you normally would do dont do extras and dont do unpaid work threatening position like that is wrong and why would you want to work with someone like that

someone else will come along and get used

dont be upset i understand though as i was really hurt left job in end as it made me to angry to keep going in and getting treated bad

chin up and no its not you in the wrong

thanks girls
Looby thats how I feel about the supervisors job-surely they are looking for someone to go above and beyond! I have helped them out so much we only opened in december and its been manic and I have done everything I can to help out (not for reward im just a softie who hates seeing other people stressed and put upon!)

I was a betting shop manager until I had DS and NEVER treated staff like that -even if I was having a really bad day I would never behave like that.

I will NEVER be flexible for her now and have decided that I dont want to be supervisor if that is the kind of staff they want to employ!

The assistant manager is lovely and agrees that the manager can be very harsh and has admitted that the manager has made her cry Perhaps I need to toughen up in some ways but if thats what I will turn into I would rather be the way I am!!

I am tempted to approach the area manager as he is lovely and she has done this to quite a few staff now and I think that maybe he should be made aware! I understand the pressures of management and how tough meeting targets is but I am also a strong believer that " a happy workforce is a productive workforce" and that for the majority of people praise is the best way forward.

I was going to ask whether there was anyone above her who you could go to ? I do think it's worth it, as other good staff will keep leaving if she carries on the way she is. It sounds a shame that you're a keen employee who has now decided you're not going to do anything extra - or go above what your day to day role is - because of her - though I totally understand that. It sounds like you want a job with more responsibility, so if going to see the Area Manager proves fruitless, I'd suggest looking for something else where you will be valued and supported to progress.Another route would be to say to the AM that you want to lodge an official complaint about her and if they're any sort of Company they'll have to investigate that - but that is quite extreme and at the end of the day you have to keep working with this woman in the short term, so this should be your last port of call. Take care and bye for now x

Definitely talk to the area manager.

Aw, this is just terrible. Sorry, but any company of any size that asks you to do work above and beyond on a consistent basis that doesn't also offer additional training or definite opportunities is taking the mick.

Talk to the area manager. Aside from concerns about staff turnover, it this happened in front of customers or in an area visible to the public, it's a major no-no. The bullying about you not getting the supervisor's job is also a no-no. She might not have the power to hire & fire herself, for all you know.

Can you find a job someplace else?

I dont really want to go to the area manager because I would feel guilty! But I do feel that someone needs to have a word with her about her people skills! I am just the latest in line of staff to experience this 6 members of staff have already left and others are looking to follow suit!
I have written a letter detailing the whole days events and why I got upset and that I find her behaviour unprofessional and rude and have said I welcome the opportunity to hear her side of things and that I would like the matter resolved to a level we are both happy with.
Im not in till wednesday but I kinda hope she will call me into discuss this before, if I dont get anywhere with her than I will start a grievence against her and send a copy of the letter to the AM and a detail account of events- I dontt want it to come to that but in a way im making a stand for all the staff too.

and maybe you might want to consider joining a union, if you're not in one already. They don't have to come in all guns blazing but they can advise you of your rights.

And if they know about stuff at this stage, it's better if you do (god forbid) have difficulties if you have to take this to grievance stage.

I wouldn't fancy doing this on my own!

Can I ask why someone with management experience and who is willing to act on initiative and go above and beyond what it required is not looking for a better job?
I have managed restaurants and would have been delighted with you and tried to hang on to you for dear life. Can you email her the letter and cc it to her area manager? She is likely to just ignore it unless she really has to.

Carmnere I am going to start looking for a new job now , I relocated to this area back in september and there were no jobs going at the time that didnt involve travel (I dont drive) so when this well known restaurant chain opened it was a god send, I dont mind working hard and working my way up but not for someone like her!
The problem is im not sure exactly what I want to do career wise so I tend to just make the most of what I can find and work my way up!!

I dont know the area managers contact details so I cant contact him!

Ig it is a big chain they'll have a head office and it shouldn't be too hard to get his contact details from them ??

You've been back at work now - whats happened. Hope you're OK.

Hi Looby my shift doesnt start till 6pm and I really dont want to go in!
I have heard nothing from her and have a feeling that she will either completely ignore the letter or call me into the office 5 minutes before I start (which I dont think is appropriate)
I dont actually know if she is working today so I dont know what to expect, I have decided that if she doesnt handle this properly then I will go further but im also worried about breaking down if she starts on me again and also the potential of further nastiness ( I know this would make my case stronger but its still not nice to experience!)
Do you think that if she does start on me I would have reasonable grounds to walk out on my shift and not return until the AM is involved or could that go against me?

readyfornum2..just want to say keep strong and positive, after all she has behaved badly, not you. Practice what you're going to say to her and take deep breaths to stop yourself breaking down. I'm sure it makes her feel very powerful making you cry....so don't let her!!

Good luck for this evening and make sure if you do walk out that there are witnessess to her bad behaviour.

Thanks Bookend- I certainly dont want to break down again because as you say I think it does make her feel powerful, infact thinking back about her behaviour towards other people her way of managing seems to be to talk loud and interrupt therefore not having to address the full situation! That is why I wrote the letter so that I could put my whole point across without being interrupted or getting flustered.

I have been going over things in my head and things that she may say and how to respond to them -I just hope I dont get tongue tied if/when that happens!

I have had managers that can be t before but never to this degree and must admit that as it has been about 20 months since I was last a manager I have lost some confidence in myself.

I guess I can only wait and see what happens!

Readyfornum2 - how are things ? Have you see her yet ? This will sound hard but if you can possiby manage to stay in work - stay there, even if things are tough. I'd hate to see her using your 'walking out' against you. Remember, from your AM's perspective, no matter how nice he is, he probably wouldn't be in his position if he wasn't a good business person so he may view someone walking out and leaving the place short staffed in a more negative way than you might perceive - and you probably wouldn't get paid for it. Worse still, if this happened at our place, Company policy is that they'd be disciplined. Try and use any channels that are avilable to you before resorting to this. I don't know how big your Co is but there is an anti bullying hotline at ours. Try finding out if there is one at yours. If there isn't - try and request a meeting with the AM at his earliest convenience and make notes of anything that happens in the mean time. Did you copy him in on the letter you sent to her ?? Keep your chin up and remember people are here for you xx

Hi Looby
She wasnt there on wednesday! and then on thursday it was just her and me all day!

I got a phonecall from her on thursday morning asking if I would get some stuff from the supermarket on my way to work and stupidly I said yes (this is how much of a softie I am) Then when I got there she was really nice and happy with me then she asked me to sit down and she said that she apologised if I felt she was being arsey (note that she wasnt actually apologising) and went onto say that she was grateful for the hard work and the reason she came down hard was because she didnt have a strong enough team in the evening to get it sorted later (she does the rotas!!)

Then she started on about my interview for supervisor and gave me a time and date and a subject to do a 10 minute presentation on!

I am going to leave things as they are for now but I wont be doing any unpaid work or favours, and see how things go!

Well handled readyfornum2. Continue as you mean to go on and like it or not she will have to control those 'hissy fits' or lose you. You are getting stronger girl!

I also plan to work really hard on my presentation and do well in my interview and show her how good a team player/worker I am, I dont know yet if I want the supervisor job but to be honest it would feel good to get it

Readyfornumber2 - sounds like your letter got through to her. Good for you. If you need any advice etc about the assessments, please ask as I work in HR and may be able to assist. Do you mind me asking if you've been told anything about what the interview will consist of ? At our place it is quite structured rather than a 'chat' which makes it easier to prepare for. This woman is going to leave on mat leave soon I assume, so if you get the Spvsr job and prove your worth while she's gone, the AM may see you as indispendable !! Hope so xx

The interview will be a formal interview followed by a 10 minute presentation all 3 candidates have a different subject. I have been lucky as I know alot about the subject I have been given and have written it all out and now just need to type it up.
I think the actual interview will be on skills and how you would deal with particular situations etc. I am not too nervous about it and to be honest I feel that although I have 2 people to compete against Im only actually worried about 1 of them (Im not being big headed I just going on performance I have seen)

I hope that if I get it I can make an impression as I do feel that I have plenty to offer to the role and hopefully move up further within the company

RFN2 - good luck - sounds like you're pretty well sorted. Certainly at our place we believe that past performnce is a good indicator of future performence - so if they ask you a question 'what would you do if' and you've actually been in that situation before - I'd suggest saying 'well actually - I have been in that situation and this is what I did'. Then they know they're dealing with someone who isn't just a good story teller ! Good luck !!

Just to let you know that I had my interview and I GOT THE JOB!!!
I think I suprised her with how business minded I actually am
I start on monday and have to present the presentation I did in the interview to staff at the next staff meeting! I have also been asked to write a staff assessment quiz to help with training!

She also told me that while she would never beg a member of staff to stay if I ever handed in my notice she would make a good effort to keep me! Seems she isnt as hard as she makes out and hopefully now she will treat me with more respect

Congratulations