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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this sounds very fishy and untrue.

201 replies

ColinRobinsonsfamiliar · 13/08/2022 13:10

My fil is an arse. No two ways about it.

We took him & mil to Florida for a holiday. Their first holiday abroad ever.

We gave them some brochures to read up on where we were going prior to going.

FIL read the small print on the back of the brochure and declared that he couldn’t go because he had a conviction that he had never disclosed to the family.
He was referring to the ESTA.

He revealed that he was arrested in 1968 for a minor theft from his job. (Think an off cut from the simple product). Also stole a tax disc and got caught.
He ended up travelling to London to the Embassy to be interviewed face to face to be assessed for suitability to holiday in America.This was a stipulation of the revelation of the arrest.
was granted this.
On arrival at the airport, going through passport control, fil was taken off into an interview room while we were ushered through the airport with all of the other traveler’s.
He was interviewed for nearly 2 hours before being released to continue his holiday.

I can’t help thinking that there is no way that this was because of a “minor theft”.
Anyone in the know could maybe shed Some light on this ?
It has bugged me for ages.

OP posts:
WhereAreMyAirpods · 13/08/2022 15:43

MrsClatterbuck · 13/08/2022 13:22

So this happened 48 years ago. Surely the conviction would be spent by now especially a seemingly minor misdemeanour.

In the UK yes, it would be spent.

The ESTA form though clearly asks about whether you have EVER committed fraud, or been done for drugs, or caused damage to property. "Spent convictions" do not apply in this case. If you tick yes to any of the boxes on the ESTA then you need an interview. Had it been serious crime which resulted in a prison sentence, he might not have got the ESTA at all.

The US is very careful about who it admits and yes, 2 hours to get through security and be interviewed by Homeland security seems pretty quick.

Do you think this crime was a lot more serious than he is letting on? And if so, why does it matter? 1968 was 54 years ago. Loads of people have done stupid things in their teens or early twenties and have been law abiding ever since.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 13/08/2022 15:45

It is curious though is t it.

Not really, to anyone who has had a dose of US immigration. He should have just kept quiet like everyone else does.

But it sounds as if you are determined to believe he has done something unsavoury? I hope you aren't ruminating about this in real life and casting aspersions.

shandywan · 13/08/2022 15:46

butterflied · 13/08/2022 13:46

Seems plausible to me. They withheld approving my ESTA for 24 hours because I have a chronic illness (disabled) and interviewed me at the airport about whether I had family and a home to return to in order to ascertain that I wasn't over there for healthcare reasons. As if.

Jesus wept Shock that's shocking!

DistressedDamson · 13/08/2022 15:50

BigFatLiar · 13/08/2022 15:11

Read elsewhere of a Swedish person being detained on US border as the border guard thought Sweden was part of Denmark so her passport must be a forgery. Couldn't be convinced Sweden was a country. A supervisor was eventually called who checked and yes Sweden was a country.

Show quote history

My dad and step-mum were travelling into, I think, Dallas years ago and the guard insisted on changing some form my dad had completed so it read England instead of Great Britain. My dad being the die-hard pedant that he was (and who had also never travelled to the US, unlike my step mum) started to argue the point with the guard. Luckily my step mum cut him off kicked him really hard on the shin and nothing further happened but my dad told that story until his dying day!! 🤣🤣

Endlesslypatient82 · 13/08/2022 15:51

shandywan · 13/08/2022 15:46

Jesus wept Shock that's shocking!

Show quote history

Only someone with a few hundred thousand to spare would specifically travel to the US for healthcare reasons.The other way ie back to Uk… makes much more sense

Endlesslypatient82 · 13/08/2022 15:52

Favouritefruits · 13/08/2022 15:07

Last time we went to Spain my 8year old got pulled aside for a random drug test, he was so upset. I think it’s more pot luck getting questioned than anything else.

What did that entail? @Favouritefruits

Endlesslypatient82 · 13/08/2022 15:52

I think we have disappointed the OP

she was hoping to channel her Nancy Drew and catch out her “arse” of a FIL who she clearly dislikes

butterflied · 13/08/2022 15:53

shandywan · 13/08/2022 15:46

Jesus wept Shock that's shocking!

Show quote history

Yes, it was unpleasant. I haven't been back and don't intend to.

WhereAreMyAirpods · 13/08/2022 15:54

Oh and the last time we flew into the US (Sanford in Florida), a not very nice staff member grilled my knackered and emotional 5 year old about how she was related to me. "Who is this woman??" "She's my Mummy". "What's her name?" "Mummy!" and so on...

Such fun.

Muddypigeon · 13/08/2022 16:00

BigFatLiar · 13/08/2022 15:11

Read elsewhere of a Swedish person being detained on US border as the border guard thought Sweden was part of Denmark so her passport must be a forgery. Couldn't be convinced Sweden was a country. A supervisor was eventually called who checked and yes Sweden was a country.

Show quote history

@BigFatLiar I’m Swedish and get asked this all the time in America. Last time the cashier asked my daughter which country Sweden was the capital of. My daughter (then 13), who then recently had taken a test at school of all countries and capitals in the world, went so quiet that the cashier asked if she was ok. She then explained that it was a country next to Norway, Finland & Denmark but he had no idea where in the world that was. 😂 As we walked away my dh said ’I bet if you woke him up in the middle of the night he’d be able to tell you all the U.S states!’

SurpriseSurprise · 13/08/2022 16:04

I used to be a travel agent, and in all honesty if you read the entire list of things America deem as reportable offences, and admitted to them, no one would ever get in.

Things like attempted suicide and writing someone a poison pen letter are on the list.

I will look to see if I’ve still got it

Tillsforthrills · 13/08/2022 16:11

Horcruxe · 13/08/2022 13:49

Try being brown with a muslim name.

You'll get pulled over for no reason at all and be interviewed for hours.

Young black family member with family in Spain stopped every single time for additional questioning entering and leaving airports inSpain.

On his most recent trip coming back to London he lost his rag and asked the security guard why he had picked him out of everyone and is it because he’s racist? He let him go on his way straight away.

Tillsforthrills · 13/08/2022 16:13

I’ve been held in America many times with a big red cross when coming from certain Latin American countries. Apparently I share a name with a Mexican drug lord lady.

Ihadenough22 · 13/08/2022 16:16

I think that some of the American boarder force are on a power trip and like to ask questions and show their power. I went to America twice. I was traveling on my own.
I had a return ticket and confirmed hotel bookings. I had my esta and no criminal record. One of the times I was asked why was I traveling on my own? I replied that most of my friends were married with families and my single friends could not get the the time off work. I said then said where I was planning to go/see when I was their to show I was a tourist.
I am Irish and single so maybe they thought I stay there and get a job.
I knew they could stop me ect and I had heard that it was important to be polite as possible to them.

I saw today in the Irish Independent where a lady over stayed on a esta Visa 15 years ago could not get a visa into America. She needed a visa to enter the Us due to changing flights and was going from flight A to B which was an flight to another country. It was a family trip to visit relations and it had cost her some thing in the region of Euro 15,000.
It seemed she told her family to go when she stayed in Ireland.

BunsyGirl · 13/08/2022 16:19

On our last visit to the US earlier this year, the immigration officer asked my DH whether our DCs were students….they are 8 and 11. Not sure what she expected them to be…chimney sweeps maybe?! She then asked DH what I did. I was of course completely indignant that she hadn’t asked me directly so quickly and firmly told her that I was a lawyer. She stamped our passports and let us through straight away after that…DH was chuckling that being a lawyer obviously commanded a certain degree of respect in the US…I said that maybe she was worried that I would sue her!!! Anyway, I now work for a US company and I’m not looking forward to them sending me to the US for business meetings…

Changemaname1 · 13/08/2022 16:20

if it was anything much he wouldn’t have got the visa

sorry to disappoint op 🤔

VQ1970 · 13/08/2022 16:21

I have a conviction for fraud, it sounds a lot worse than it actually is. It's from 2011 but because my husband and I used to travel to America a lot, I declared it and now have to travel with a visa, I can't travel under ESTA. I've been to the US Embassy in London twice, the first time to get a visa, the second time to renew it and it now needs renewing again so am in the process of arranging my next interview.

The first time I travelled under my visa, I got taken away to a room and was interviewed and questioned. I had to wait around for a bit for my turn to be called in. I can't remember how long it took but it was easily an hour, if not more. On further visits, I was questioned at the desk in immigration where you all queue up.

The USA doesn't recognise the Rehabilitation of Offenders Act so whilst my conviction is spent in the UK, it will never be spent in the USA. I'm going again in 3 weeks, first time in about 8 years so I'm really hoping I don't have any issues!

What your FIL has said is all perfectly believable to me who has experienced it.

Endlesslypatient82 · 13/08/2022 16:22

VQ1970 · 13/08/2022 16:21

I have a conviction for fraud, it sounds a lot worse than it actually is. It's from 2011 but because my husband and I used to travel to America a lot, I declared it and now have to travel with a visa, I can't travel under ESTA. I've been to the US Embassy in London twice, the first time to get a visa, the second time to renew it and it now needs renewing again so am in the process of arranging my next interview.

The first time I travelled under my visa, I got taken away to a room and was interviewed and questioned. I had to wait around for a bit for my turn to be called in. I can't remember how long it took but it was easily an hour, if not more. On further visits, I was questioned at the desk in immigration where you all queue up.

The USA doesn't recognise the Rehabilitation of Offenders Act so whilst my conviction is spent in the UK, it will never be spent in the USA. I'm going again in 3 weeks, first time in about 8 years so I'm really hoping I don't have any issues!

What your FIL has said is all perfectly believable to me who has experienced it.

Yeah, it does sound pretty bad! A conviction for fraud

Nocutenamesleft · 13/08/2022 16:31

Sounds ok

i had a green card and was STILL pulled aside for more than that and almost denied entry with a green card because I tried to joke with the customs man so it really doesn’t surprise me to read this. They are brutal over there!

Nocutenamesleft · 13/08/2022 16:33

ColinRobinsonsfamiliar · 13/08/2022 13:29

It makes me laugh so much to think of him as a man on a watch list, international mystery criminal who nicked an old thing that was destined for the bin and a tax disc over 50 years ago!
The treatment and jumping through hoops just doesn’t fit the crime at all!

Honestly it does

they really are tough over there. Seriously tough.

Discovereads · 13/08/2022 16:33

Sometimes it’s random and computer selected. My DD when she was 5 was randomly selected for interview and strip search by the US authorities. They stopped all of us and asked which of you is ? We pointed at our little 5 yr old with a back pack and stuffed toy and said, that’s her. They looked shocked like no idea their stupid computer would tag a 5yr old as a potential international criminal. So a border force female officer took me and her back to an interview room she said she was going to find her boss to say she wasn’t strip searching a 5yr old and what was she supposed to do? Search me, the mum, or what? She ended up coming back checking DDs back pack and giving her an ice lolly and then we were free to go. But we were in an interview room for an hour just getting crossed off their list while DH and the other DC lingered around the other side of the border control.

endofthelinefinally · 13/08/2022 16:34

I got pulled aside and interviewed for 2 hours in arrival in New York. Missed my connecting flight.
My crime? Being a nurse.

Nocutenamesleft · 13/08/2022 16:35

godmum56 · 13/08/2022 13:52

That wouldn't surprise me about US immigration AT ALL. My late DH was sent there for 2 years (he worked for big global company) I entered the US 3 times without him. My paperwork was immaculate and I had been warned to be really really careful with my behaviour....calm polite, meek (ha!) and no jokes. Each time I was asked what my husband did for the huge global (my visa was for the non employable spouse of a green card holder), what made him special and why a US citizen couldn't do his job, why was I entering the US and did I understand the penalty for working on my visa. You cannot imagine how paranoid they were even then, well before 9/11. Oh and nicking a tax disc (government document) is considered to be very serious indeed

Yeah. This happened to me. Multiple times.

Twawmyarse · 13/08/2022 16:57

drkpl · 13/08/2022 13:21

My 86 year old great aunt Margaret, who was a proud employee of the post office all her life, and would be shamed to the ground if ever accused of any crime, got held at the airport in America and interrogated for 2 hours! She hates America now and vowed never to return.
So basically, you never know. They’re very fussy on the boarders in America.

What did they think she'd done? 😮

Luredbyapomegranate · 13/08/2022 16:58

Not necessarily. The arse like tendances of US border security are more than a match for your FIL.