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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My gf says I'm uninstagramable

50 replies

spratch · 13/08/2022 09:44

Sorry for the emotion in this, thanks in advance.

I'm in my 30's and we've been dating since a year before the pandemic happily. We both have called each other telepathic from day 1, neither of us have experienced this so soon before or to this extent. However our lives are different, she is very visual and I'm not so much. Even if I spent everything on operations I'd still be minging which left me feeling out of place. I still love her and she says she loves me, her closest friends know about us but her wider circle doesn't. Before she told me that I was instagramable she posted her and her bf pic, which wasn't of me, it was some other bloke. What it boils down to is she wants him visibly in her life and I'm there for love. I still love her I still feel like my hearts locked onto her and hers me. I haven't been shattered by it because I feel she still loves me but she's doing this. I don't know what this means, we've talked about having a family and almost planned the whole thing without even thinking about it, it's the only thing that's made sense in my life and now I don't know what it is.

OP posts:

Original poster

spratch · 13/08/2022 10:16

We're both possibly autistic, we haven't been tested yet, waiting, don't know if that makes a difference.

OP posts:

Allschoolsareartschools · 13/08/2022 10:17

Don't sink to her level by comparing looks.
Quietly dump & move on, she's not for you.
Keep your dignity.
Thank God my dating years & a LOT of my life was before Instagram because I couldn't have dealt with this level of shallowness.

SarahProblem · 13/08/2022 10:18

If this is a real post you both sound insufferable.

Original poster

spratch · 13/08/2022 10:21

mnahmnah · 13/08/2022 09:55

I was talking to my neighbour about this kind of thing yesterday. He is 26 and looks straight out of Love Island. He has no problems getting dates. But every girl he goes on a date with is obviously trying to look and act Instagrammable and he hates it. He says they’re obsessed with that whole appearance is everything approach, putting everything on there etc. The whole thing is a sad reflection of society today and I really feel for you that your gf thinks Instagram os more important than the kind of bf you are to her. I would find someone who does care about who you are and not what you look like.

Thanks for this. Makes me feel like being ugly is a blessing in disguise.

OP posts:

LaingsAcidTab · 13/08/2022 10:21

That "electric connection"? It's rarely true love.

What it is is the sign of someone who is about to teach you something profound, which is often painful.

Original poster

spratch · 13/08/2022 10:27

LaingsAcidTab · 13/08/2022 10:21

That "electric connection"? It's rarely true love.

What it is is the sign of someone who is about to teach you something profound, which is often painful.

She did teach me a lot. I wouldn't say I'm a deep thinker but she added depth to how I look at the world now. Don't know the secrets to the universe yet that's for sure.

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daretodenim · 13/08/2022 10:31

First off I highly doubt you're "minging" and "ugly", but I believe you likely don't have a fake Instagram face (most Instagram nerd don't have their exact Indra face either! 😉). So stop saying those things about yourself. Even if they were truly, objectively true - which is nigh on impossible - stop saying them. You're just putting yourself down under the guise of "being honest". No need for that.

And yes, dump her. Don't do it mentioning her looks. Don't go back to her if she says she'll be proud of being with you etc. simply don't go back to someone who can treat you like this.

Hold your non-fake-Insta face and head high and go and be the gorgeous you that you are, ready to meet someone who cares more about you than their SM feeds. Because you absolutely deserve it.

Summerfun54321 · 13/08/2022 10:37

spratch · 13/08/2022 10:16

We're both possibly autistic, we haven't been tested yet, waiting, don't know if that makes a difference.

Being autistic has absolutely nothing to do with being cruel and trying to erode someone’s self worth. It’s nothing to do with being autistic. This relationship sounds toxic and you need to end it before your self esteem disappears entirely.

SunnyD44 · 13/08/2022 10:51

I would hope this is a fake thread but unfortunately I don’t think it is.

I’m so sick of everyone wanting ‘likes’ on SM.
I bet she’s one of the people who lock the kids in the room with the pretend ghost and post them screaming and crying or put oil on the squirrel feeders so they can’t get food or water.

I am ‘instagramable’ and a couple of times I’ve had photos taken in public just so random people can post them and get likes. Which I find just pathetic.
I never post photos of myself.

Dump her.
You deserve so much better.
Not everyone is so desperate for attention.

MajorCarolDanvers · 13/08/2022 10:54

She is beyond pathetic. Truly shallow, empty and pathetic.

Luredbyapomegranate · 13/08/2022 10:54

I do hope this isn’t real,

But obviously dump if it is

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 13/08/2022 10:56

daretodenim · 13/08/2022 10:31

And yes, dump her. Don't do it mentioning her looks. Don't go back to her if she says she'll be proud of being with you etc. simply don't go back to someone who can treat you like this.

Hold your non-fake-Insta face and head high and go and be the gorgeous you that you are, ready to meet someone who cares more about you than their SM feeds. Because you absolutely deserve it.

Good advice.

Darkstar4855 · 13/08/2022 11:00

When you say she is “visual” do you mean she is good looking or do you mean she is preoccupied with appearances?

I think if you’ve been going out with someone for several years and they won’t tell their friends about you and are pretending on social media that someone else is their boyfriend then they are more concerned about their own interests than your feelings. That is not a good basis for a long term relationship or - god forbid - having children with someone. YABU to put up with this.

Leafy3 · 13/08/2022 11:00

What's the issue with her earning more than you?

No one is un-Instagramable...You are not minging. You deserve to be with someone who treasures you.

But I also suggest you consider how you think about the women you date, too.

flyingant · 13/08/2022 11:16

"she posted her and her bf pic, which wasn't of me, it was some other bloke."

Do you mean she posted a photo of her with another man and pretended he was her boyfriend? Or does bf stand for best friend? If the former, then she is really shallow and doesn't seem to care about you and you should definitely dump her!

Outoutoutshout · 13/08/2022 11:20

Eh? Am I on a different planet here?

bloodyplanes · 13/08/2022 11:22

Wow!!! She is a vile, disgusting excuse of a human being. Please dump her and find yourself a person worthy of being with you.

excitingusername · 13/08/2022 11:26

Dudes. This is clearly a troll post. ffs!

Original poster

spratch · 13/08/2022 11:33

Thank you. I think many of you are right I need to review my own self worth here. I'm not completely minging, I'm also no where near the high standard of average these days. True about instagram. I've already started to worry less about all of this over the course of this morning reading the replies to this thread.

I don't have a problem with her earning more than me, someone else in the thread though I earned more than her but it's the other way round.
Intellectually she is brilliant and pretty much holds together every project she works on so she deserves it.

Emotionally I think both of us aren't in the top percentile. My new GP suggested I might be autistic because I struggle engaging with people so it may be something I have to work on in more detail. She's already on the waiting list to be tested.

OP posts:

DaphneSprucesPippasClack · 13/08/2022 11:39

WindowsSmindows · 13/08/2022 09:46

She's stupid and cruel and shallow and ridiculous.
Break up with her.

This. Every day she is telling you you aren't good enough....

alltoomuchrightnow · 13/08/2022 12:00

This is insane. Both of you. Please tell me you don't actually live your life like this.
Am struggling to believe this post is real

FatherJacksBrick · 13/08/2022 12:05

My sister is like this. She's 26, wonderful in every way, clever, funny, kind hearted and absolutely beautiful. Yet she insists on getting me (or whoever she is with) to take 100's of over posed pictures of her if we go anywhere nice, then will throw a sulk for the rest of the evening if she doesn't like how they look.

No one seems to be able to live for the moment anymore. Everything has to be fake fake fake and through a camera.

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 13/08/2022 12:25

You lost me at telepathy. This is a load of nonsense.

FrancescaContini · 13/08/2022 12:32

ManateeFair · 13/08/2022 10:15

You’re in your 30s? You and girlfriend both sound about 14. This is not a normal adult relationship.

My thoughts exactly.

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 13/08/2022 14:05

SunnyD44 · 13/08/2022 10:51

I would hope this is a fake thread but unfortunately I don’t think it is.

I am ‘instagramable’ and a couple of times I’ve had photos taken in public just so random people can post them and get likes. Which I find just pathetic.
I never post photos of myself.

Dump her.
You deserve so much better.
Not everyone is so desperate for attention.

I wouldn't say I'm a deep thinker but she added depth to how I look at the world now. Don't know the secrets to the universe yet that's for sure.

Sounds as if you have a sense of proportion, and can laugh at yourself. Lots of women love that. Step away from this one who makes you feel bad about yourself.

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