She said I’m asking for trouble

[Enjoythesummer]

Asked my mate for advice and she says I shouldn’t have done this. Manager has been upsetting me at work so I decided to ask her if there was something wrong and I’ve felt uncomfortable with her treatment towards me so wanted a chat. I sent a short email advising the above and asked if we could discuss. I really can’t work with how she’s acting towards me and thought it best to have a chat. Now my mate got me thinking I’ve made things worse. Was I unreasonable. Also Any manager out there pls

I don’t think you are wrong. Actually, you’re smart to keep this in writing.

You have absolutely done the right thing.

Youve done the right thing. You're trying to resolve an issue in a calm, professional manner. You've put it in writing which evidence of the issue and your sensible aporoach.

No you're spot on

Thanks. I’ve been fretting all night thinking what have I done but I can’t put up with the mistreatment anymore. I feel things are best said than unsaid because not saying anything is hurting me.

You've done the right thing. What does your friend expect you to do, just put up with it and suffer with worsening mental health or leave your job? As PP have said, you have it in writing and you've tackled this problem in a sensible and professional way. That's the correct protocol in most workplaces.

You’ve done the right thing - it’s a professional way to deal with things and good that it’s in writing.

Absolutely the right thing. What's more, when you do have the conversation, have some brief notes to hand to help you express any particularly important points that you want to say, and send a short email after reporting that this is what was discussed. You can prepare the follow up email in advance if you like, then you just have to slot in a couple of lines about the response.

Eg "I told you that I felt particularly uncomfortable in the week of 25 June, when you made several comments about my work to the team, to the effect that it was often incomplete or not properly finished. We discussed [then insert what actually happened ...being mindful of the effect of public comments, but also that you could ask me by email if there was anything outstanding and going forward I will also double check all work before I send it to you].

Completely the right thing to do, once you've had your meeting with her summarise the conversation and email her again, make sure it's all in writing

I'm a manager and you've done the right thing (especially by putting it in writing). When you do eventually meet, I'd suggest keeping it factual and avoid accusation. Rather you can say stuff like, 'when X happened, I felt as though I was being criticised very harshly', rather than 'you were absolutely vile to me'.

If your manager is a decent enough person, they'll take it on the chin. If not, you might need to get HR involved.

Over the years I've always encouraged my team to tell me if they're struggling or unhappy. Sometimes I get lost in my own work and don't notice so this can be a wake-up call. If your boss responds badly then don't hesitate to involve HR.

You've done nothing wrong!

No you have done the right think, been direct but not rude, its in writing so there is a paper trail. What does your friend think you should have done?

You've done the right thing for you, friend would have dealt with it differently.

So in that respect you're both right.

You've asked her opinion and it differs from yours, that's all
Maybe she's the kind of person who would rather put up and shut up, would rather deal with an atmosphere than try to get to the bottom of it.

Incidentally, years ago I went through something similar with a manager, I was agency contracted to the company and I spoke to the agency first and they said to request a meeting and see if we could hash it out.

I'm fairly non-confrontational and the idea of doing this didn't fill me with joy, but I also couldn't continue to work under his management without sorting things out.
Good luck (and I mean that genuinely, not being facetious) it's not easy and I hope the situation gets resolved.

Thank you all for your comments. I feel so much better that I will have chance to air the difficulties. Not saying anything has been really hard. Every night I’m upset and I think it’s really u fair and not good emotionally. I will prepare beforehand. Thanks for the tips.