To ask why has my friend pulled away

[notreallynoo]

Nc as possibly identifying

I have two good friends who I've known since being children. We would describe ourselves as best friends. Through teens/20's and into our 30's we were very close meeting every week, talking daily. But then things started to shift. Friend 1 became very career oriented and does not have as much time anymore. Friend 2 has struggled with mh significantly and has alcohol dependence. When we go out we often had to manage friend 2 which is frustrating, we spent many years talking to friend 2 about counselling, AA ETC but it's never changed. Over last ten years I've noticed our groups friendship alter and we have seen less of each other/talked less. I've tried to keep things going but got sick of rejections/cancellations /not returned calls from both friends so eventually just accepted that we are not as close anymore. A few weeks ago I attended another friends birthday and friend 1 was also there. She brought up how she deliberately pulled back from our friendship group because she struggles with friend 2, which I understand. But I don't get why she had to pull back from me too. I've had a difficult few years (which she's aware of) and some support /light relief would have meant the world as I don't have many close friends. Friend 1 and I have a few mutual friends who are not connected to friend 2 so we could easily have maintained our friendship without hurting friend 2 or it seeming like she's left out. Aibu to feel hurt that friend 1 rejected my friendship because of the other friends issues?

Did you contact her to hang out? What was her response?

it just sounds like you’ve gone in different directions and friend 1 doesn’t see the friendship in the same light any more as you do

friendships from school often end up like this when people do very different things with their lives, sounds like friend 1 feels like she was doing a lot of support and didn’t get much out of it herself

Try not to feel hurt. This is the case with almost every friend I was close to in our 20s and early 30s. I thought it was just my busy life that meant friends were pulling away from me alone, but on the rare occasions we do meet up I discover that they have all pulled away from each other! X doesn't see Y any more, A doesn't see B...

I don’t think friend 1 done it to hurt you or friend 2, just easier to keep you both at a distance and to feel less guilty for it. If she only saw you surely you’d both feel bad for ignoring friend 2. Maybe try again but slowly and keep friend 2 at arms length if that’s what you want but it will feel different as 2 was always their

Unfortunately your friend didn't see you or your relationship with her as important, of course it's natural for that to feel hurtful. Why wouldn't it? There isn't anything you can do about it though, she feels how she does and that's that. The only positive thing you can do is to find new, more healthy friendships.

As asked did you ever contact her for just you two, other other friends (not F2) to meet up, for fun, not to off load etc? It isn't uncommon for people to not have as much in common as they age. You also don't want drama and other people's problems.

She would say she was busy/had plans which is fine but would never counter offer.

Mostly it was as the group but because we have another friendship group I have tried through that. She has also met with friends from other group and doesn't include me

But no I've not generally tried on a one to one .

You say that you have also had a tough few years. Perhaps she is the kind of person that can’t handle other people having problems, for whatever reason? A fair weather friend?

That's possible actually thank you.