Following on from the golf thread...is MY partner taking the piss?!

[Batfastard22]

The thread about the golfing partner got me thinking about something that's been an issue for a while. My partner and I have a 10 month old baby. I'm due to go back to work in a month, am the main earner and we both work FT. His hobbies are:

• music related hobby 1x per week or fortnight (away from 5pm to midnight ish due to travel)
• football training 1 night per week (an hour)
• football match every Saturday (away from about 12pm to 4.30pm)
• he plays gigs every few weeks, usually away one night or two

There used to be more before we had our child.

We fell out big time because he went back to some of this the week after I had our baby. He said he only did this because I have a lot of family support.

As it stands he wants to quit the music, says he doesn't like it anymore. I haven't asked him to do this but he knows my overall feelings about him being away so much. He's not quit yet, I said give it some more thought.

Which leaves the football. I go back to work soon and this will mean one of our family days together is pretty much a write off for a day out or anything. Apparently he can't play now and again because the team manager wants "commitment" so it's every weekend (with the occasional exception) or not at all. He would probably stop it if I asked but we live where I'm from and I feel like a twat asking him to give up his only social thing. He really likes it.

Otherwise he's generally an involved dad. Very kind and patient but I suppose I've been a bit disappointed. I guess things have been more difficult than I expected too and I thought I'd be fine with him sodding off regularly. But our baby had reflux and is quite "high needs". He also hates the car so going out with him by myself is tricky as he screams and also gets travel sick.

Bit of perspective much appreciated.

I think it depends how long the season is and if he is willing to focus on the family the rest of the year. I have a friend who plays cricket, he has always played cricket and his wife accepts that in the summer he is only around one day at the weekend but he is an incredibly present dad the rest of the time and out of the season.

it depends on what works for you and your family and making sure you also have opportunities to do hobbies etc

How about you, OP? What do you get to do for yourself? Do you feel your needs for time off are being accommodated?

If he drops the music and nights away, then the football commitment is ok. Otherwise he’s an arse like all the others in these threads tbh 😕

I think he needs to reign it in a bit while the baby is so young. Apart from the football training as that's healthy exercise.

Do the gigs bring in any money?

If he’s dropping the music and his only hobby will be the football, I think it would be unreasonable to expect him to give it up. One training session a week and Saturday afternoon until 4.30 isn’t much to expect.
It’s hard when you have a baby with reflux but it will honestly get better. The problem with travelling in the car will probably improve as he gets older too.

I have this football scenario with DP and it has grated at times, we now have DD 2 year old. He has her Saturday morning so I can do my own thing then he's out at football for the afternoon, then Sunday we go out all together, have a roast etc. I have spoken to him about when DD is primary sort of age and how his apparently totally inflexible football will probably need sidelining as DD develops her own interests and needs taking to things. Fortunately ths will probably coincide with him getting too old to carry on playing at the level he is at. He also says he cant dip in and out of it but has stayed home the occasional Saturday when I've struggled with DD and basically thrown a hissy fit about it. Its easier now DD is older and we can do more and she sleeps reliably so on training nights I get a lovely evening to myself.