Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teenager Solo Travel Advice

24 replies

AnxiousWombat · 12/08/2022 12:16

My DS (20) wants to go travelling for the first time by himself all across Europe, but me and DH are worried about his decision.

Firstly, he isn't that streetwise and we worry that he might face some sort of crime or might have his passport stolen, etc. We have tried to tell him about these worries we have, and my DH said that he can go as long as he doesn't bother us about his issues when abroad, but my DS then said he wishes that his family would support him wherever he was if he was in trouble (DH can often say things like this when he is angry). He also can't go with any friends as a lot of them don't have the money/time/etc. to go.

My DS also has has regular mental health issues before, and I am worried that these may be triggered when on holiday. He always deals with his mental health by himself but I just don't want him to have a breakdown or anything like that.

I am also worried about the financial implications because he goes to university and pays his own way there, but he has been saving to go to Europe for over a year now through his work so I don't want to break this dream of his.

I would really appreciate any advice, and AIBU for not wanting him to go?

OP posts:
SuperLoudPoppingAction · 12/08/2022 12:23

Yab fairly u because he's 20.

Dd went interrailing at 19, although she was with a friend.
I was glad that she had the interrailing pass because if she missed a train it wasn't the end of the world.

I was also glad they had booked accommodation ahead of time, and budgeted.

She knew it wasn't a good idea to ask for transactions in pounds rather than euros.

Things she worked out as she went along:
I was, indeed, correct about bedbugs and it is worthwhile checking for them and staying places that are less likely to have them (less people using sleeping bags, for example).

Switzerland is expensive.

Some people are a bit weird.

Don't sign petitions because people often try and hassle you for money afterwards.

HarrietSchulenberg · 12/08/2022 12:24

Well, he's an adult so if he wants to go, he'll go. As a parent you can either support him by letting know you'll help, if you can, if he needs it, or you can let him know that if he's going he will have to manage on his own. Either is fine, it's whatever feels best for you.
You could make sure he's researched information about where to ask for help, if he needs it, for each country he's visiting, and make sure he has a planned route at least for the first week. Also make sure he's researched which visas he'll need.
At 20 it could well be the making of him.

Dog1naRocket · 12/08/2022 12:25

Your DS is 20, an adult, not a teenager

SleeplessInEngland · 12/08/2022 12:25

He's 20. At some point you'll have to let him go, emotionally and literally.

RusholmeRuffian · 12/08/2022 12:28

He's not a teenager, he's an adult. Don't project your anxiety onto him. Thousands of people younger than him go travelling across Europe every year with no problems.

GCAcademic · 12/08/2022 12:30

At what point are you going to be happy for him to do a normal adult thing, if not when he has been an adult for the last two years?

wednesday32 · 12/08/2022 12:31

This trip could be the making of him, rather than give your son a list of all the things that could go wrong, why not look for the positives. He will learn life lessons that you cannot put a price on, I would support this. I would suggest sitting down and finding out where he would like to go and what he would like to do. Perhaps suggest going through a tour group company such as Contiki, Medsailors etc. These are organisations who create trips for solo travellers so your son will meet like minded people along the way and not be alone. Hostels are a great way to meet new people and find out what activities are going on in the area. Hostels are not what they used to be, they are clean, have kitchen and living area facilities where people can mingle.
Whilst I understand you worry about crime, your son is just as likely to be mugged in his home town as he is abroad. Look at getting a travel card to keep his currency on rather than travelling with lots of cash. Get a photocopy of his passport so you have a copy and your so keeps a copy separate to his actual passport. if he loses his passport at least he has the information on him to get the help he'll need.
Your son sounds sensible, he has saved for this trip, so is dedicated to it. As for his mental health, make sure he packs any medication he uses, and enough to last the duration of the trip, also pack some multi vitamins as diets when travelling aren't always the healthiest. If you really are still concerned, maybe arrange a long weekend somewhere such as Holland or Spain, where you and your family could have a mini break where you can meet up with him and see how he's getting on.
I would recommend looking at the following people on youtube who have channels about travelling/solo travel. Backpacking Bananas, Hey Nadine, Corey Van Der Laan(contiki trip), Brogan Tate (medsailors trip).

Glendaruel · 12/08/2022 12:32

It could be good for him. I got a lot out of traveling when I did it and came back more confident in my ability. Plus it's one of few times in your life you've got time to take off. Talk to him about his plans. He's 20 so can do it with or without your support. I found it easier to book before I went, then I could plan trains around it. It also meant my parents knew roughly where I was going to be.

Glendaruel · 12/08/2022 12:35

Second hostels, they are cheap and you can get chatting to people in your form and swap tips. The staff are also used to dealing with young students

10HailMarys · 12/08/2022 12:36

He's 20 years old, not a teenager. He's a grown adult and it really doesn't matter if you want him to travel or not because he can do what he likes.

You say he's not streetwise, but he will never learn to be streetwise unless he actually goes and does things like this on his own. Don't you want him to be a functioning adult?!

Dog1naRocket · 12/08/2022 12:37

My sibling & I went travelling at 16 & 19 around Europe interailing on the train. This was before the days of the Internet !. We had very limited funds. This was before the invention of mobile phones.

Just let him go, that is part of the adventure

He will meet lots of people along the way

When we travelled people offered to buy our passport, so keep this secure

He needs access to emergency money

Travel insurance

Don't forget the Brexit rules, there is a limit to how many days that you can stay

We travelled UK, Netherlands, Germany, Austria, Italy, Greece, Greek Island, Switzerland & France

Dog1naRocket · 12/08/2022 12:39

We slept on the over night sleeper trains to save money, then spent the days in the cities

Ate very cheaply

Dog1naRocket · 12/08/2022 12:41

I agree Switzerland is very expensive now

Nat6999 · 12/08/2022 12:43

Ds went on his own to Berlin this summer, started being ill while there & managed to navigate himself home by Eurostar from Brussels, he is 18.

SueSaid · 12/08/2022 12:44

I'm with you op, yes he's an adult but if he is quite naive he may not manage very well travelling alone. It's not like flying to Ibiza for a week on a package holiday with reps on hand to help.

Makes sense to me at that age to at least have one other to travel with. Surely one of his friends must have the money to do it?

alrightfella · 12/08/2022 12:44

Why is he not that streetwise at 20? How much has he done independently so far? He is an adult so you can't stop him but I would work with him on building independence quickly before he goes.

I assume he probably drives at 20 but has he used public transport regularly before? If not put the car keys down and get him using buses and trains quickly, and big unfamiliar stations.

Has he stayed in hotels solo and with friends before?

Maybe encourage a couple of long weekends solo before he goes, encourage him to go out of his comfort zone. Upto Scotland? I don't know where you live.

Presumably he's working if he's saved the money? If it's in hospitality I assume he's got confidence in speaking to a wide range of people?

Help him with the practicalities but get him to plan.

I'd talk about security, locks for his bag, travel belt for passport. How much cash to carry. But don't give him the answers, ask him the questions about his plans.

Has he actually planned his route, what's his budget for each day.? Does he have a list of what he's going to see/do... I wouldn't be expecting aimless travel at his age.

aftonwater · 12/08/2022 12:45

You should definitely encourage your son to go.

My dd has done a few solo trips, the first when she was 18. She has just completed a 6 month solo trip. She has also had mental health issues in the past.

There are lots of instagram accounts offering tips and inspiration - Shetravelledtheworld is a good one. Another company that does group trips is Trutravel.

Hostels are great for solo travellers - price is very variable but many have cafes or restaurants as well as self catering facilities and many include breakfast in the cost per night.

ingratitude · 12/08/2022 12:49

Make sure he has insurance and enough money to get home and wave him on his way. He'll either love it or be home within a week but he has to try it for himself. Please don't project your anxieties onto him.

jalu47 · 12/08/2022 12:55

Trust him. I went travelling around the world for 9 months at age 18 with two friends, when there were no mobiles and barely email. It was the making of us.

However make it clear if he is in real trouble he can call you.. we were always aware we had our parents support if we needed it.

eish · 12/08/2022 12:55

Can you put sime money aside and tell him you have money for a flight if he needs to come home quickly. Make sure he knows it is OK if he does.

Make sure he has free roaming so you can stay in touch.

Support him but just say you need to talk through some travel advice. Does he know how to get help abroad? Does he know what to do if he does lose his passport? Get him a skin money belt for his valuables. Talk through safety re drinks being spiked. Tell him if something seems too good to true it usually is.

And let him go, he's clearly pretty hood with money if he's managed to save up.

Curlyshabtree · 12/08/2022 12:56

I went Inter Railing by myself aged 16 (almost 17). Ran out of money, slept on a beach. Survived. Instilled a love a travel that us still with me today. Made me so much more independent. My DM said I grew up so much in a month. It will be so good for your DS.

Dog1naRocket · 12/08/2022 13:27

My friend had their bag & passport stolen out of a hired car in Europe
Reported to local police
Had to make their own way to the British Consulate
£100 for an emergency passport to travel home
Then bought a replacement passport

PugInTheHouse · 12/08/2022 14:30

Firstly he's a grown adult not a teenager, secondly you can't really decide whether he's allowed to go or not and thirdly why on earth would you not want to support him. I am actually quite shocked you have said you don't want to be bothered by his issues when he's gone.

As a parent our role is to ensure our DCs become fully functioning independent adults. I would hope mine are capable of going abroad alone at 20!

drbuzzaro · 12/08/2022 19:22

is this a reverse too?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread