AIBU to buy partner a liver function test?

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First time posting here.

My partner has had a tough couple of years, very stressful job, 2 young children in lockdown etc and during this time his alcohol use has increased substantially. A minimum would be 8 cans of mid strength beer every night of the week. For info, I barely drink (out of choice, I don’t like the hangovers) and I work part time and do the lions share of childcare.

I have tried to be supportive in a number of ways -buying him 0% beer, suggesting he has a few days off each week, buying him hypnotherapy podcasts, suggesting counselling etc. Everything works for a few days and then he reverts. I also used to nag a lot but in recent months have stopped doing this too.

I am now at my wits end. He is clearly very unhappy, has put on a lot of weight, stopped exercising. I think he is depressed but again refuses to get help - I have suggested seeing GP, anti-deps etc. I myself went on anti-deps during lockdown for other reasons and he’s seen how much they have helped me.

I am now thinking of buying him a private liver function test so he can see himself if any damage is being done. AIBU?

Any other advice gratefully received. I know people say that only he can make the choice to ask for help, but I can’t sit idly by whilst the father of my children is walking towards an early grave.

I have tried talking to his parents (who are also big drinkers) and they seem to laugh it off as ‘something our family does’. His friendship group also seems to have dwindled during lockdown which can’t be helping.

So all in all , I feel very on my own with this one. There are no Al-Anon groups near us.

This sounds really hard for you and it sounds like you’re doing all you can really.
I think keep encouraging him to see GP or access online AA

The problem with doing liver function tests is that even in advanced liver disease the test can look normal, LFTs are a poor reflection of liver function. I’d worry that doing the test to prove to him he needs to stop might backfire as he might have totally normal tests which he’d then use as reassurance to continue the level of drinking he’s is currently doing.

i know you said his friendship group has dwindled but is there anyone who might help by also addressing the drinking with him ?
There’s a useful site you might have already found called uk addiction treatment which has more advice

That’s very helpful, thank you.

I was also going to say that if the liver test comes back ok your partner will think it’s a green light to carry on.
Even a poor result may not have the effect you desire.
You can’t make someone stop drinking they have to want to do it themselves.
You can only decide what you will and won’t tolerate and stick to that. Give you and your children the best chance of happiness. It may be without your partner.

I'm sorry to be blunt but there is nothing you can do. You either live with him like he is and hope he decides to change. Or you leave and hope that this is the wake up call he needs to sober up.

This, and another poster has also raised this.
The patients I see who are heavy drinkers will often tell me their previous LFTs were normal. I have explained to them that they quite often don't tell the whole story about how distressed the liver is. Because my patients are awaiting certain investigations into ?? cancer, I have to request and extra blood test to check their coagulation, as patient who have a high intake may have problems clotting.

As other have said, any tests may not show up any problems, so he will continue to drink. All you can do is encourage him to cut down slowly, preferably with the guidance from a GP or an alcohol team. Or decide that this not how you want to live, and part ways with him until he is under better control or has dealt with the issues driving him to drink.

As everyone has said, if the LFT comes back normal, you're basically giving him a green light to carry on drinking as "it's not doing any damage".

Sadly, I have a fair bit of experience with alcoholism and by the time the tests are showing that there's an issue, the damage has already been done.

You can't stop an alcoholic from drinking. It has to be 100% their decision and many will stop, relapse and stop many times over before finally being able to kick the habit for good. It's not about you sitting idly by, but you can't do anything more than signpost him to help and support him when he does decide to speak to someone.

However, I would encourage you to have a long, hard think about whether you want to spend your life with an alcoholic.

Unless he wants to stop / cut down, I suspect your efforts will be in vain

As others have said, LFT seem to be limited value

I wonder if it might be worth buying a blood pressure monitor. British Heart Foundation sells them. High alcohol use increases blood pressure. A high reading might encourage him to focus on health

This Naked Mind can be helpful. Daily motivational emails about the benefits of not drinking

I feel sad for you and for him, but I would emphasise again that unless he wants to stop / cut down, he won't

It might help if he sees how much he stands to lose eg don't say "you have to stop or I'm leaving" as that's nagging. But if you say "I need you to know that I'm very unhappy and thinking of leavjng" , then he knows what he has to do to persuade you to stay. But, this only works if you mean it and he knows you would leave

I totally understand why you have considered an LFT but I also agree with everything other PP have said

My ex told our daughter his last few tests were normal. He was dead within two months. I'm sorry to be blunt but until someone is ready to stop drinking they won't do it. A good test result will back up the idea he is ok, a bad result will be 'faulty' or just ignored.

The best you can do is to decide what you are willing to accept and to go from there. Al anon would advise this too.

A lot of al anon meetings are online and are global so you can join at any time of day. I promise you this won't stop him drinking. My ex was hospitalised and he minimised what they told him and carried on. You stressing about him isn't going to make him stop as much as you wish it would. It's a horrible place to be. I wish you all the best.