Being sensitive or justified? Partner advice

[Hottimesahead]

Both in our 40s. Been seeing each other exclusively for 5 months. See each other 5 nights a week and generally have great sex every time. Used to be twice a day at the start, but it’s settled down to once.

i understand the can’t keep hands off each other period, but it’s not stopping for him at times. For example last night he made a great dinner and we settled down to cuddle in front of tv. He couldn’t keep his hands off me, groping my boobs, suggesting I just take my top off so he can stroke them. I told him no, it’s nice cuddling and had just ate lots of food. He looked disappointed but respected my objection.

Went to bed and had great sex. In the morning we were having snuggles before getting up for work and he was at it again - groping me. I moved away and said we don’t have time for sex, but he was still trying. I then said I am not an object to play with. He replied saying he doesn’t see me as an object and loves me. He just can’t help how turned in he gets round me.

It’s not the first time and I have spoken to him about it. He had a habit of wanting to touch my skin when giving me a cuddle, putting his hand under my top or on my thigh but just leaving my top or skirt up. I told him i didn’t like it. He said he didn’t realise he left me exposed or half undressed. understood and stopped or made sure my clothes didn’t leave me exposed. He says he hasn’t fancied anyone this much in years and finds me attractive. Normally his sex drive is not this high. His friends say he is not a person who does public displays of affection, and surprised he did this with me - only holding hands out, occasionally stroking backs or legs. Not full on teenage snogging

my dilemma- I really like him. We have lots in common and we do lots of great dates - he is not like this in public, but affectionate. But when he is horny at times he turns into this groppy person. Sometimes it’s fine as I am in the mood, but times like last night it feels like I am object.

I don’t want to feel like I am nagging him as last night’s behaviour is not constant. But the behaviour last night just makes me feel he thinks I am an easy lay.

Am I overthinking it as he does stop when I say not in the mood.

He sounds like a sex pest.

Sorry but hes a pervert

See each other 5 nights a week and generally have great sex every time. Used to be twice a day at the start, but it’s settled down to once.

I too love sex but my goodness - the frequency pattern established here sort of says “this is how it should be” especially to someone who seems like him to equate sex with every other emotion or expression of feeling

could you perhaps (this is a suggestion!) see him less frequently in the week? Or find an activity mid week that precludes sex by its very nature?

failing that elaborateness, continue to feed back to him. He has to know how you feel and you are not being unreasonable.

I mean, he stops when you say you’re not in the mood?

You could ask that he asks you whether you are in the mood before making any moves as a good solution?

I understand. It's like you are not a person, someone who he can just hang out with. It's like you are a sex doll.
It's counterproductive because it will turn you off him eventually.

@SavoirFlair suppose to be going round tomorrow. But I asked what he wanted to do and he says turn him on. He is not normally like this in texts.

@senua this totally how it feels. I think he is trying to show how much he likes me, but it’s overstimulation.

he told me no this morning and sent me a text during the day saying how much he loves my work ethic, independence, personality and that’s what he feel in love with - it’s a bonus he finds me so attractive

OP,

Being mauled is not flattering IMO.

This will resolve itself most likely, as you are well on the way to getting the ick.

Urgh. Dump.

@billy1966 I am trying to avoid getting the ick. He is amazing just last night and texts today. He is not normally this bad. He is affectionate but not normally sex pest level.

can’t decide if he is just horny and acting teenage boy or if this is him. If it is, then not playing along.

I hope it’s a blip as we have an amazing holiday we booked last weekend for a few weeks time

You have mismatched sexual preferences. That does not bode well for the future.

Argh.
I'm afraid I'm like that with my DP. And I definitely don't see him as just a sex object (I love him an awful lot). It's just the sight of his body makes me aroused - I think I'm very visual.

@LocalHobo i wouldn’t say we are mismatched. He is just visual.

@Bonheurdupasse that’s what he keeps saying. He says he is visual and the sight of me in or out of clothes turns him on. He says he gets turned on by me kissing him or just cuddling him. Said he loves me and no other partner gets him this wound up. It could be bollocks and just a line - but his friends have commented how loved up he is and they have never seen this

You have mismatched sexual preferences. That does not bode well for the future

🙄No. Nothing to do with mismatched sex drives and ALL to do with boundaries.

OP has asked her boyfriend not to grope and maul her and he is ignoring her wishes.

Nothing to do with mismatched sex drives and ALL to do with respecting your partners wishes.

The 'oh but I fancy you so much I can't help myself from grabbing your breasts when you have specifically asked me not to. Its your fault youre so gorgeous and i cant contain myself'

I agree.

OP will definitely get the ick, it is not something you have any control over.

He's a mauler and it is unattractive for a man in his 40's to be claiming to be unable to control himself.

I call bullshit, he just chooses not to.

There is a huge difference between an affectionate man and one who is groping you.

Don't deny your gut on this OP, it will be a huge issue on the holiday, so beware.