To be really worried about my toddlers temper?

[Playingatreallife]

I know toddlers have temper tantrums but I feel like my DS(21 months) falls outside the spectrum for normal.

He goes bright red, he SCREAMS, he slaps himself, punches himself, throws things. anything enjoyable gets ruined because of his temper. I keep feeling like he’s going to grow up horrible and I hate spending time with him.

Mine is the same. Boots the floor and pinches his tummy. They can last anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes. I've asked nursery what they think are SEN

Re*

Have they said SEN? I M really getting a bit worried. Sometimes I think he’s normal and just not particularly nice (I know that’s horrible but he’s rude and aggressive too) and other times I think SEN

It's probably just frustration at not being able to vocalise his feelings. I don't think a 21 month old baby can be 'rude'

No, I know but it does get me down, my friends kids seem so much pleasanter generally

Most often it's a phase, it will pass, then there will be something else. What you are describing is happening in many households right now too.

I once asked a 2yr old, who was dancing round the living room in her new outfit, if she'd like me to put some music on. Good lord she screamed herself silly for over 2 hours. I just made a cup of tea and ignored her. She's 16 now, she doesn't remember it.

Comparing your children to other children is never a good idea.

But you can’t not

He's 21 months and still a baby. He's not horrible, he's not "rude" - he doesn't have the brain capacity to try and be malicious. He's frustrated. He's too young for them to diagnose SEN based on toddler tantrums, which they all have. They are called the terrible 2s for a reason.

Is there any other concerns in regards to SEN?
How long has it been going on for?
The heat won't be helping either mind

Hard to say … he just gets so furious so fast. He isn’t saying much. Other peoples kids the same age say please, smile nicely, wait.. mine just screams

Hard to say … he just gets so furious so fast. He isn’t saying much. Other peoples kids the same age say please, smile nicely, wait..

At 21 months old? I doubt it. They might have their good moments but I assure they also have massive screaming tantrums too.

I think you have unrealistic expectations of him. He is still very much a baby.

If you have proper concerns perhaps have a chat with your HV?

I feel like they’ll just think it’s bad parenting. Maybe it is.

I'm struggling to imagine a toddler of 21 months being either 'rude' or 'polite' either, to be honest.

But back to the point... Toddlers just struggle to regulate their emotions, particularly frustration, and depending on personality and temperament, will express it differently. My 4th child is 19 months, and screams and throws things or hits when he is frustrated too. Very different to my other 3. It hasn't occurred to me though, that he might 'grow up horrible'. I think he'll just continue to learn and get better at regulating his emotions as he gets older.

Absolutely not.
I think from the way you are talking speaking with your HV will be good for you

Tantrums are normal but the only child I know who slapped himself did turn out to have SEN (both autism and adhd). Wasn’t diagnosed til he was 8.

It sounds like really hard work, don’t blame your parenting. If you can afford to, ask a child psychologist for their thoughts, but I suspect the answer will be to watch out for triggers (is he worse after screen time / junk food? Eg red food colouring aka coal tar is known to trigger hyperactivity) and to be patient but firm.

Good luck 🙈

I don't have kids but slapping & punching yourself doesn't sound quite normal to me.

I'd be recording his meltdowns & have him assessed by a doctor.

Eldest was one of those smiley, polite 2 year olds.

Literally overnight when she turned 3 she became this Jekyll and Hyde mix of angel outside of the house and….challenging inside. And by challenging I mean that she today screamed on and off for 20 minutes because we made her wipe her bottom after going to the toilet. Literally screamed nonsensically in rage every time we tried to talk to her.

I have no SEN concerns, she’s been communicating in full sentences since very early on so it’s not a frustration thing so I’m going to assume it’s a phase.

Maybe keep a note of behaviours/triggers etc and see if he improves at all with time? Also though, be aware that those angelic 2yos might be horrific at home, or might go through a similar phase at 3/4.

That’s a good point actually. Punch was a typo for pinch.

Sorry. Think heat got to me. Feel horrible for typing that, didn’t mean it

My son was like this it was incredibly challenging and tiring. He would hurt himself, hurt me, hurt his brother. He really was just so so difficult and honestly communicating with my HV was such a life saver for me. Sometimes she would just come round and sit and watch him.
He was eventually diagnosed with autism and adhd and he is now 8 and very fortunate he has no violent behaviours and is generally a very pleasant and quite an easy going boy even with his diagnosis' we rarely have any sort of meltdowns and he can handle himself really well.
The health visitor was crucial to him being diagnosed younger as she had lots of reports. She was also very kind and it's what I needed at that time (I was a single mum)

My son did get diagnosed but the difference in him now to when he was a toddler I never ever thought he would be like this. He was really difficult and I thought there was no light at the end.
It can just get better with age.
I hope your son doesn't have any SEN but if you do think then definitely get as many people on board now.

Sounds like you had a bad day. It's hot,have a cold drink and count the minutes until his bed time.