Mother in the park

[duckie3]

So basically I nanny a little girl and took her to the park this morning, it was quite busy. There was a mother there with 2 children, one of which ended up playing with the little girl I look after. She wouldn't have been more than 2 or 3 (still in a nappy) and her mother was being in my opinion absolutely dreadful. Everything this little girl did was absolutely wrong in her mothers eyes (nothing wrong in my opinion!) I think the climax of the situation occurred when her daughter asked for help getting down from a climbing frame and her mother screamed across the park that she was a "fucking dumbass" and refused to go and get her down. I then went over and gently helped her down which she said thank you to me for but didn't seem to bat an eyelid at what her mother was saying. I kept an eye on her for a while before leaving but no one else in the park appeared to look shocked or concerned. Aibu to be upset at her mothers words, especially around other children in the park? There were a couple other choice words she used also including calling her stupid. I just felt so sad leaving that little girl there :( guess I just wish I could do something but thought saying something to the mother may have escalated the situation badly?

There was another thread on something similar today. A few people said that confronting the abusive parent usually leads to the child getting it even worse at home😓

I don't blame you for being upset, even reading your post makes me feel sad for the little girl, my son is 2 and can't imagine speaking to him like that.

Try film and call police report to social

Vile parenting. Can't believe parents swear at their children, let alone belittling them.

Of course you aren’t unreasonable to be upset by the parent’s behaviour.

Nothing good could come out of speaking directly to someone with that behaviour.

Unfortunately not everyone is an ideal parent. There's nothing to be done about it. You wouldn't have made the situation any better by intervening. As a nanny, you are evidently highly competent at looking after young children, but many people are truly lacking in parenting skills.

Do you think overstretched, underfunded social services will have the manpower to investigate a mother shouting at her child?

That's really sad 😞 If she speaks like that in public then I dread to think what happens behind closed doors.

That poor child probably thinks that's quite normal parenting behaviour 🤬

Exactly! Completely pointless anyway with no name/address.

It just shows that just because you can have sex doesn't mean you should be a parent .

I had similar situation on a bus once - little girl about four with mother next to her. Child behaving fine, but mother goaded and goaded her until she cried. I felt helpless - what could I do?

I don’t agree @Purplepatsy . I reported a mother absolutely screaming at her children in a car park and I mean screaming, swearing, shouting it, completely losing it. The kids looked absolutely terrified but not in an ‘oh this is new way’, it just felt so wrong. I reported it using the details of her car.

If that’s what you see in public, who knows what might be going on at home. Maybe nothing, maybe the mother is just struggling and can’t cope - well that’s still reason to report, as SS can go round (if they decide it warrants intervention, that’s their decision) and check up and ask mum if she is okay.

Too often we hear people say ‘Oh I heard the adult shouting loads but didn’t do anything’ but by this time it’s too damn late. If something doesn’t seem right to you about the care of children, report it. It’s better to be safe than sorry. Too many children have lost their lives because of the above attitude.

Yes it happens occasionally and I support intervening if there is reasonable evidence of some kind of abuse. The problem is that, in some tragic cases, social services were already involved and the child still died.
I am saying that SS just don't have the manpower to investigate every time a child gets shouted at.(Or, as on a recent similar thread, when a child gets a slap on the hand).
It's also illogical to suppose that a child who is shouted at or slapped in public necessarily experiences worse treatment at home. It's likely to be more of the same.
As I said previously, not everyone is equipped to be an ideal parent.

I think there's a big difference between losing your cool with your misbehaving 6 year old and calling your small toddler asking for help a "fucking dumbass".

Ugh that breaks my heart. If that’s how she is in public, I dread to think what goes on behind closed doors. I look at my nine month old and just cannot imagine ever, no matter how hard it nat get, be abusive. Especially a toddler, they are just learning about this world.

right ir wrong I would have called the police, explained the situation, provided as much details, you never know she may already be on SS radar.

That’s why I said it’s up to SS if they want to investigate - that’s not down to us. Screaming obscenities at a small child is abuse. It should be reported. This doesn’t sound like just shouting, belittling a child, swearing and calling her names as the OP has reported is not just ‘Ah I’ve had it up to my tits with my kids today’, it’s abuse. And it should be reported, every single time.

Maybe just think the mother is having a pretty bad day.
No not right screaming swearing at a child but they are out and playing in a park so it's not all bad.
But perhaps look at it from the other side.

@ChsmpagneWannaBe she called her child ‘a fucking dumbass’ - how is that a bad day? That’s disgusting.

mum surprised at everyone on this thread acting like calling a child such a term is fine as mum might be ‘having a bad day.’

My child winds me up but I’ve never screamed at him that he is a ‘fucking dumbass’ because he needed help with something. This is such a low bar of acceptable.