To never see this man again……

[Toenailsurgh]

Went out for a catch up with a man who I used to shag when we were much younger. Nothing serious. Last few months we’ve reconnected on social media having seen each other briefly a couple of summers ago. He frustrated me then but thought maybe I was being too harsh.

He wanted to go cinema but I suggested a drive and talk. Didn’t want to be stuck in a talkless situation and actually wanted to see if there was any spark.

Met him locally ( I didn’t want to pick him up as he’s moved back home to care for his mother as she’s a gossip). I actually spotted him ahead of me. Driving so slow - like weirdly so. That was ick number 1. Anyway overtook him when road went into two lanes and motored on.

Eventually ( and it was eventually) he got there. Got into car. Zero spark.

Ick Number 2. On the way he acknowledged every driver needing acknowledgment. Like a full on hand up across me so they saw. I said please don’t do that. I’m the driver and can acknowledge them myself thanks. For the record I wasn’t not acknowledging them. He did it again. I said please stop. He said I’m used to doing it whoever car I’m in. “EX” used to not acknowledge so I did as it’s rude not to. Well you don’t heed to. I’m the driver your the passenger and it’s distracting and weird.

Proceeded to drive and grab a drink and sit and talk. I ditched the drive I’d planned as thought mmm he’s doing my head in!

Ick number 3. Starting going on about the same old issues that he’s unhappy about. Zero progress since a couple of summers ago. I can’t stand people who rehash old issues without doing something to change it.

Then huge ick number 4. I’d seen the flip flops and thought a bit grim but fuck the toe nails. At first I though he’s got a colour on them. Nope just brown. Thickened. Overgrown- hugely. That was it for me. I’ve never had a physical repulsion to anyone before. That wasn’t a lack of maintenance issue. That was full on neglect. Blergh. Considering he goes gym, plays sport and is always turned out I was surprised.

Then I realised this whole evening was about him. Not a single compliment on me, asking about my life, work, family etc. I took my hair down as the air cooled and he said yes that’s better. Wear it down next time.

I said to be honest I’m not sure there will be a next time. There’s not spark for me and we are just covering old ground.

Oh ok. Anyway what have you been up to….. but of conversation and got up to leave.

He then tried to massage me as we left and kiss me. I just said. No thank you. I don’t want that. I’ll drop you back. Tried to give me a kiss. Gave him my check.

Messaged me thanking me for a great evening and for future reference my hair looks better down.

Seriously WTF. Like WTF. I’m wearing my hair up today!!

Honestly I wanted to just get it out cos my two closest friends are on holiday or ill. And they will tell me I’m an idiot for even giving him an hour or so of my time.

I wish I’d gone cinema - on my own.

I mean, you’re within your rights not to see him again for whatever reason you want, but you realise that discoloured or thickened nails might not be his fault? Toenails can go like this as a result of trauma and if he’s a gym goer who wears tight footwear that would make sense, so that bit is a bit judgemental IMO.

The rest… yeah, annoying.

I had a one ick rule. One ick and you’re out. Your date had waaaay too many.

I would've been screaming actually. I'd be shouting over the car issue and then screaming when I saw the toenails.

@Scurryfunge12 true but no need to be so long! And you can see a podiatrist to sort it?!

@Sapphirensteel agree. There were other things like money too. Keen to tell me why he is still owed money from ex. How his siblings think he should do x y and z. One complete man child in his forties.

@Toenailsurgh yeah, I’ll say that, he could have had them cut and tidied, but in terms of colour they would be like that for life once the nail matrix is damaged.

if it was me I wouldn’t have worn flip flops tbh.

you wouldn’t be unreasonable to stop seeing him based on the other things alone though, I’m shocked you’re asking.

This is hilarious!

Thanks for keeping me sane and allowed me to vent. I’m going to name back and bleach my mind of his toe nails. I’ve also remember he was pretty selfish in bed too. Why oh why did I consider another chance.

Too many long winded icks, your post is very icky

Why haven't you replied, for reference you sound like you need medical help with your toenails you've neglected yourself so badly. so I won't be seeing you again, so don't worry about my hair.

Ugh to the max

@Blizzardbeach that’s funny. It’s tempting!

This whole thing made me laugh a lot OP! You have a way with words.
I like the one ick rule as mentioned above! I need this in my life.

He sounds beyond cringeworthy in every way. Hitler salute! Driving like a granny! (obviously not a fan of the opposite either)

You asserted yourself brilliantly imo 👏

Do NOT see again!

@oofmehip glad it made you laugh. It is making me smile too as more and more things are being remembered. He parked in a businesses car park instead of where we agreed to meet ( a large community free of charge car park) cos it looked busy. Except it wasn’t and there is no where he could tell if was busy from where he had driven. I thought that was rude as only 3 spaces for that business to use.

When we pulled up at the shop he tried to dictate where and how I parked. Drove in. Apparently I should have reversed.

When I finally spoke he didn’t comment on anything. Just paused. Then silence. Weird as!

Apparently you are unreasonable. Your relationship is unreal and you are totally fake! Trust me, I’m a mumsnet twat who has put up with this sh+*t.

@GrootsGardener there is more than one man like this?

Well I’m back with an update. I must have been unwell cos for the last 18 months I’ve been seeing this guy despite all this icking.

He was persistent and to be honest it was going really well until nearly a 9 months in I got wind he was in touch with a woman he’s known for a good few years.

Turns out she did his feet which frankly as described by her are a lost cause. Well you’ve guessed it. He cheated on me with her. Unbeknown to both of us.

This went on for a few months. Shagged her once but other intimacy until I bought it all to a head and there was a showdown. She was very decent to me. Very kind and wise and told me he will do it again. Being stubborn I wanted to prove it wrong and carried it on.

Until I discovered he’d slept with another, huge apologies I want you but can’t handle the thought of being a step dad with my poor mental health blah blah blah. But I love you and I just need to get my head around it. Then walked in one morning to find this woman in our bed (at his house cos my instincts was telling me to go there)
Told her what he’d been up to. She wouldn’t even turn around and talk to me. He said I was making a scene.

Begged me for days. Agreed to meet Saturday to talk it through. I pushed back on the timing. He was off and weird. Very clear with his feelings but also couldn’t wait for commitment from me ( hey I was prepared to commit several times to living together - he got cold feet each time). Told me he felt nothing for this woman like he does me but she’s nice and quite frankly the easier option. He said he’s really struggling with stepping up. Things got physical and I didn’t want to end up in bed. He said he was going to go out for a walk. Then popping mates for a movie. He was really weird. Edgy. Tired and ill . Asked he to come around next night. Left telling me he loved me and as I drove off I waited nearby.

Sure as eggs are eggs he was seen in the opposite direction to his mates. Thought he was going to hers but he didn’t arrive there. Then it clicked. Went to a nearby pub. Saw through window he at bar with her.

So in I went. His lateness to her was me I told her. He denied it and said we were finished. So I showed her messages. I was also in his bed the morning before ( sad I know) At first I thought the woman would be as angry as me but nope after telling her some truths and him trying to gaslight I left. She stayed. She was pretty vile to me and said I’d been preying on a poor vulnerable man ( he’s got ocd and a complete inability to be an adult- I think he’s played the bereavement card with his mum too. The mum who I held dying in my arms nearly a year ago and frankly why I forgave him the first time as I’d promised her).

He’s been at hers yesterday too.

what a fool I am.

Wow. That’s quite the update.

I didn’t even realise beforehand that the thread was started 2 years ago!

A plot like this would be on the telly, have you seen ‘Alma’s not Normal’?

A species like this deserves punishment, if only in an attempt to correct their behaviour and set them on the path to becoming what is considered a normal human being.

I feel it is too late in this case.

Punishment for such grotesque conduct should and will be forthcoming - but on the other hand he seems to have some bizarre and other-worldly charm about him where his abhorrent behaviour receives no appropriate backlash from the females involved. This latest victim seems wilfully blind to it, despite the evidence you presented to her, so no doubt he’ll have told her you’re deranged and she is choosing to believe that. More fool her.

I don’t really know what to say to make you feel any better about it, OP. Such men are out there, and it’s frightening.

He really does deserve a strong dose of karma (and reality) to hit him in the nuts, but do not waste a single iota more of your life on this freak in any capacity. He’s too sick for words.

@Sceptical123 I haven’t seen that series. Is it laughing Tv. If so I need that right now!!!

Of course he’s presenting me as deranged and unwilling to let go etc. I should have let him go the second he admitted that he slept with a woman twice and walked my beautiful sorry self out that door and never go back.

Instead I sought to understand him and did a pitiful pick me dance where he then went on to love bomb me telling me I was everything .

I suppose I wanted to hear it as was dealing with the most horrific news ever related to a death of people close to a friend. It was horrific and in the news and we are still reeling from it. The day they were named he went and spent the evening with her again telling me he’d fallen asleep on the beach after a bike ride. Such a liar! He knew I needed him and was planning on going to hers after I’d dealt with supporting her. He was nowhere to be seen and called me around 10ish with this bullshit story.

The bike ride was true. With a woman who never used condoms with him either. I have to be tested now as after 7 months together and testing I had the coil put in. I least I have sone standards unlike them.

I’ve told his sister everything and his karma will be the lasting knowledge his family know what a cruel bastard he is. She is ashamed of his behaviour and given further insight into his flaws. Brutally so. However I have said there is no shame on her part. She’s lovely.

The new woman knew about me too and carried it on it seems. She seems to be mentally hard of thinking and absolutely lower in all standards other than me. Except she can provide him a home in her own property and no children. She’s been hanging around all his activities too like a cling on. He’d like the attention the pathetic man child he is whilst I’m at home mothering and working my arse off in a stressful careers. She’s not love. Shes an option. And one he will regret.

I was being kind to her and was pleasant in the delivery of what I told her but she was vile to me in return. She deserves what she gets as far as I’m concerned.

I really wish I’d poured his pint over him!

Yes - it’s a comedy and is absolutely hilarious!

I’m so sorry for all that you’ve been through. It’s a classic example of an empathetic woman trying to be kind and understanding to a less-than-perfect guy, and suffering for it. (No good deed goes unpunished) You’d never get a bloke putting up with the level of shit we do - unless there was something in it for him - and it sounds like this woman with her own house is that for him. You were warmth, affection and trying to help him with his many emotional needs. I’m so sorry it backfired and slapped you horribly in the face.

He and this new woman deserve each other and both will end up the worse off for carrying on together. It’s pitiful really.

I admire your strong, self-loving attitude in spite of all the crap you’ve had to deal with.

Onwards and upwards x

Well I really hope that this is the end of you and him having anything to do with each other for good! To say the least, he may have issues but it is not your job to sort them out or to bear with him while he does. It is also not not good for your DC to be waiting around for someone who might move in but isn’t really sure if he wants to
play a part in their lives.
I’m sure there is someone out there who will respect your physical boundaries, stay monogamous and, in time, enjoy being part of your family.
Good Luck!

Thank you. I never allowed him to meet my children other than bumping into us out and about.

I have had a good bitch with one of his exes who is lovely ( known her years) she was with him briefly after this post. She has been very wise as well as hilarious. I feel much much better.

The new woman has done sone crazy shit already like blocking me and one of her sisters has too. Ha ha ha. I’m not going to be messaging stuff. I did my duty by walking in and confronting him and ending it.

I am devastated to be hurt but it’ll pass unlike his regret at losing me.

Hes a little boy running scared.

Also theory amongst friends. Her fertility is running out. Didn’t use condoms. He doesn’t even know if on the pill. I hope she gets pregnant and shits in his bed.

She is sitting pretty financially. He’ll gamble it away. Deserve each other. She’s not attractive. Looks sour and manly. Huge hideous tattoo on arm and not a good one. Drinking pints of lager. I’m normally a champion of women but she was disgusting to me.

I best stop being so nasty. My face will get wrinkled. He was always punching.

The worse thing is the realisation of all the inconsistencies I brushed off. They keep coming to me.

Has he tried to contact you?

@Sceptical123 nothing. Nothing at all. I haven’t him either. I think he’s mostly been with her. Says alot doesn’t it.