to feel hounded?

[wantslotsofbabies]

I feel such a wretch for writing this but I'm at my wits end.
Thumbnail sketch-3 children(2 little-one has special needs) also carer for parent with Altzheimers, dh & I also run our own business.
We have no extended family and had to contact an organisation re help.
The woman who was taking my case had been turning up with her 19yo. Then, she hit me with all HER problems, some very personal. She is bombarding me with phone calls, visits (I have been lying on the floor with the door locked), e-mails.
The crux is that if I report her to her senior she will lose her job but it is now getting to the stage that I simply want help here without all her shite.
It is very remote here so there is not another person to take her place. I am now getting paranoid about her 'just popping in as a friend' because she is not a friend. she is a liability and a pain in the arse. I know she is lonely but it is not my problem.
I feel such a cow but am totally exhausted.
How do you tell someone to f**k off but still need the services that they are paid to do?

Sorry to hear about your situation, you must be exhausted and stressed.

However, I'm not sure there is an easy way out in this case. This woman sounds as though she is unable to do her job.

Is the organisation she works for a private company or a state one (part of social services or something)?

Have you tried finding out whether you are entitled to any respite care, given that you are a carer for both your child and your parent?

Don't feel bad. This woman clearly isn't right to help you. I think you do have to speak to someone more senior. She is meant to be doing a job and if she isn't doing it and loses it, that isn't your fault.

Have a look at this link

it suggests that someone in your position might be eligible for some help.

Have your parent or your child been assessed for social care allowances?

I'm really sorry but I think your only option is to tell her senior. There is nothing else you can feasibly do.

If you still need help you will have to find another avenue and I reckon there could well be an alternative, it's a question of finding it - and the organisation might well appoint someone to replace this woman who is clearly not suitably professional.

Is it Homestart?

It is a state job and related directly to respite.
I wonder if her other clients are getting this? I can cope with the little ones well and have had to sort out care for parent myself.

oh my god, it sounds like you are stretched beyond reasonably possible...!

i would go into liferaft mode - and by that i mean get very tough on everything and everyone who is trying to clamber aboard because they sense you are listing a bit!

so,

no to 'just popping in as a friend' - NO WAY NO WAY.! I feel exhausted just THINKING about your situation.

Develop something like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (sorry to say this, but if you haven't got it already, then you could seriously end up as a candidate as it's a very horrible blend of mental and physical stress things and it TAKES YOU DOWN like nothing else!!!)...but the thing about it is that you HAVE to be 'selfish' with this disease because you can't do anything else.

So develop it swiftish, tell her what the symptoms are (i.e. sudden and totally debilitation, emergency rations of attention for only the totally desperate situation etc etc), and then leave it at that. Get a printout of rules for it off the internet and stick it on th efridge and refer to it whenever she is near - I can't do this, I mustn't do that, etc etc

every time she says 'i want or i need..' point her elsewhere FIRMLY and say that your condition means you cannot even listen because you have no emotions to spare and it woudl upset you too much. give her a hug and the odd bunch of flowers (she sounds like she's got a horrible life).

but NO WAY that you can afford to SINK as there are too many people relying on you that have no options - whereas she does have options.

Oh dear what a nightmare. Something similar happened to me when dp was ill and as I'm rural and can't drive I had months when I couldn't get to shops - surestart sent a volunteer to get me and the girls to the supermarket - but she had a fear of driving so wouldn't go on a main road, so had to drive miles and miles out the way, at 20mph tops and it would take hours and be totally silly, so she asked if we could quit that and instead she'd pray with me and talk about jesus. As i'm not religious, it wasn't really the help I was after so i politely declined and gave up.

I think you should be clear with this womans supervisor, it's inappropriate, she might just need a bit of training rather than lose her job - but you shouldn't have to take her on as well, give them a call and tell them what's happening.

If it's a state job, definitely complain. She will be replaced, hopefully by someone more competent.

LOL at Boco's god-botherer

It was awful, she was lovely but I used to break out in a cold sweat when she'd say 'lets just take a quiet moment to ask Jesus to help you shall we?' I'd hyperventilate and say 'oh right. Jesus? Ummm, can i just get this washing on?' Then hide in the kitchen and whimper. Ingrate heathen that I am.

Bless you, all of you. I feel so guilty harbouring such negative thoughts about her. I had never heard of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome but am going to look it up.
It had crossed my mind that if she spent a day in our shoes then she would not have the energy to be so bloody demanding.

These people give craven idiocy a bad name

Sorry, that was to Boco. Think pankhurst's idea is brilliant.

Boco, the timing of my posting makes me sound like your Holy-Roller!

jesus was a bloke and he didn't have kids...

Old Mother Hubbard would have more of an insight, surely???!

(sorry if offending by that remark! was being pankhursty rather than irreligious)

xx

Pankhurst, I've just looked CFS up and have seven of the symptoms. I just thought it was normal to have these things and end up going through the day like walking through treacle.

wantlots - be careful it doesn't go the other way though, if she thinks you have CFS, thens he might see that as a reason to come round more often!
If it was me I would call her superiors, there is obviously a lot going on in her lfie and the way she is carrying on would make me think she can't do her job propelry nad needs help

Just sipped through the post so sorry if this has alreaxdy been said, but maybe you could can't the provider and just say it isn't working iwth this person - personality clash and would they have someone else who could come instead - if you wanted to be tactful .Maybe she would get the message if she you were no longer on of her 'clients'. HTH

My dd has just eaten the entire contents of the sugar bowl while I had been writing the last thread.

Oh dear

wouldn't surprise me if you do have it - most people take an age to work out that it's NOT supposed to feel like this (cos it comes on slowly and you get used to the gradual decline in life quality).

my friend only knew she had it once it started to stop, if you know what I mean. she got to very nearly desperation stage but she wasn;t complaining because she thought she was just doing it wrong...

Print it off, say it's a formal diagnosis and from now on you only have the strength to write a note for her saying what she has to do (whilst you are having a lie down/sit on a bench/hoover in the living room on your own) etc...

keep smiling as you do it - this is NOT personal, it's preservation...

if the baby keeps eating the sugar get this woman to catch her as she bounces off the walls too!