Am I handling this work situation correctly?

[AisleOfWight]

Not sure I’m handing this the right way so just looking for some advice or feedback if I’m not.

I really like my job- it’s a really nice team, management are lovely and the job itself is great.

I get on with all my collegues but there’s one that’s been doing stuff that really annoys me. They’re really nice to me and I really like them, but they have a reputation at avoiding all the shit tasks that nobody wants to do but we’re all supposed to share equally (we’re all on the same level and do the same job). I’ve noticed they will try and put them on to other collegues and then they get all the better tasks. It sounds petty but it’s actually really annoying and I think it’s the sneaky part of it that irritates me- everyone else takes their turn and does the shit stuff and it feels sort of underhand to always be passing it on to other people.

There’s been several shifts where I’ve been passive and a bit meek and just taken all the shit jobs when they asked me to (sometimes they say to me that I can do it, other times they actually put me on the spot eg they give me the phone and tell the client that I’ll be assisting them and it’s not like I can refuse or it will come across as unprofessional in front of the customer)

I spoke to my parents as this person is significantly older and more experienced than me (I’m not long out of school) and they are really nice so obviously I don’t want to cause any upset or drama because I really like them and the rest of my office, but equally I’m fed up being given the shit jobs and this person not taking their turn. My parents told me to be polite and professional but also to stand my ground and gave me some ideas on what to say.

So I’ve been following their advice and now when this person tries to leave me with the shit jobs, I just politely ask if there’s a particular reason they are not taking their turn and getting me to do it, and whether they are able to do it and need me to give them help to show them how (sounds patronising written down but it really wasn’t irl). Other times I’ve been a bit more assertive and said no sorry I’m busy (usually when I’m stressed and have a list of a million other things to do!) I only really say this when they try to put me on the spot eg in front of a client

I thought being assertive would help but it hasn’t and it’s still happening. I don’t want to go telling tales or sounding whiney, especially because our office has such a lovely atmosphere and I don’t want to cause problems, besides my collegue is good friends with everyone and it’s just sort of accepted that this is they way they are. I really like them and all the management and I don’t want to be making things difficult for anyone.

I was going to keep going with my parents advice but I’m worried that I sound rude- when I’m assertive my collegue usually gets embarrassed and starts mumbling and trying to act unbothered, but I can tell I’ve annoyed them and they act differently to me. I don’t want them to dislike me because I like them and I don’t want to be causing drama when everyone else isn’t bothered by it

I’m happy to be told I’m just being petty and need to grow up a bit, but I just wondered if anyone had any thoughts or advice?

sorrys it’s long, cheers in advance 🙂

Just so I don’t drip feed- the person absolutely can do the tasks because when they have to do them they always do them well, they just don’t like them (nobody does!) because it’s the boring rubbish stuff that unfortunately has to be done to keep the work going (trying not to be cryptic but also trying to keep it anon)

also, I haven’t been in very good health recently so whilst I’m not imagining the situation (other collegues have commented about her doing it to them too) it’s possible my reaction is a bit dramatic because I’ve not been well and everything seems worse than it is (I’m trying not to sweat the small stuff but it’s possible I’m overreacting to it)

it probably doesn’t sound like it but I do really like this collegue and I really want to get on with them- if I keep being assertive I know they’ll dislike me more and more but equally I don’t want to be left with all their rubbish tasks. They’re really outgoing and popular and are really good at their job! I just want to handle this situation in the best way possible

I don't think it's unreasonable we all need to learn to hold our ground and set reasonable boundaries in our working lives. If this person isn't superior to you in any way then you could also say something along the lines of I can do x but I don't have time to do y and z can you look after them? Learning how to say no is the best career move you'll ever make.

Thanks, yeah they’re not superior to me. I know it’s petty but it really frustrates me that the colleague expects us to do our share rubbish stuff but then when it’s theirs they just pass it to everyone else. I think it’s the sneakiness of it that irritates me. Yeah my parents said the exact same as you about the importance of learning to say no!

Can you wear headphones and ignore them?

What stood out to me in your post was that you want them to like you - maybe ask yourself why that matters? I'd say another worthwhile skill for work is learning to accept feeling a bit uncomfortable sometimes - it doesn't mean you're doing the wrong thing. Not everyone will like you and that's ok, as long as you can work alongside each other and get along. Sounds like you've got this totally in hand to me.

How are the tasks distributed? Is this person actually passing off tasks specifically assigned to them or just not pro-actively doing the shit jobs when everyone else does?

It's difficult to suggest a way forward as it's a bit vague - but could you raise it with management in an anonymous (but pointed) way? Email them to say you're enjoying the job but have noticed some team members don't get much chance to do xyz (good task) as they're doing a greater proportion of (shit task). Suggest a rota? Or new way of assigning out tasks so there's an even split?

This type of situation is really common and it's totally normal that it's awkward and irritating.

Is it possible to establish 'taking turns'. If they ask you to do it can you say that you don't like doing the job but that you realize other people don't like it and can you take turns. You have to be very upfront and pushy though. "I've done it twice in a row so it must be your turn". "I don't like doing that job and I know you don't somcan we make it fair and take turns". "I've noticed you are always trying to get me to do XXX job. I don't won't it to become a given that it's my job, I think we should take turns". Or something. Keep it simple and be very very persistent. It doesn't matter if it's awkward.
My kids worked in coffee shops and it was interesting to see how other staff members of equal level were shameless about not doing the grotty jobs.

So when you followed your parents advice it worked but your colleague keeps asking? Keep following your parents advice. It's fine to hold your ground and push back.

I don’t think you’re handling it correctly.

I’m probably your age and have faced this kind of thing before. It’s hard get the balance between being assertive and being a trouble maker. The only way to navigate it is to understand your office politics a bit more.

With people on your level, you need to gently manage their expectations and ask them for help when needed too. No one can do it all and if it isn’t work you’re allocated, they don’t have a leg to stand on if you refuse and have other priorities

Some situations may involve a manager stepping in, you need to tell your manager you spend X amount of time helping Y with Z and propose a few solutions on how to solve it. This makes it seem like the manager is deciding and it makes you look more proactive. It could be the case that your manager has another idea, they’re paid to resolve conflicts like this and will have more authority over the people causing the issue and more input on wider department resourcing