How do I support DH here?

[Knackeredbutnot]

PIL live 4 hours away. DH’s dad has terminal cancer and during a recent visit DH’s brother (BIL) violently attacked DH. It was completely unprovoked and witnessed by both parents. BIL has various physical and mental health issues, but is actually also both unpredictable and selfish and always has been. DH has been incredibly upset by this - at a time when everything is shit anyway as his Dad is dying.
I wanted him to call the police, but he wouldn’t as he didn’t want to upset his parents further. However he has blocked his brother and not spoken to him since (about 2 months)
The issue is that his parents have now said we can’t visit until it’s been sorted out. BIL has made no attempt to apologise and it feels like parents are seeing it as, ‘six of one, half a dozen of the other’ when it was very much not like that.
AIBU to think that, although it’s happened in very sad context, they are expecting a lot of DH? He would need to be the one to extend an olive branch as BIL is affronted at being blocked.
It’s such a mess and I feel so upset for DH, but also acutely aware that this is not my family and I don’t want to overstep. Any thoughts or advice? I can’t ask IRL as nobody knows what has happened…

This sounds odd. His parents witnessed their son violently attack their other son and they want the other son - your DH - to apologise? Is that what you're saying?

Yes. In a nutshell.
They don’t like the fact that they aren’t speaking / won’t be in the same room and feel like it’s putting pressure on them (PIL) at a really difficult time. I understand that they are upset by it, but I don’t think DH should have to see BIL if he doesn’t want to.

How long has FIL got?

I guess it depends how desperate your DH is to see his dad. If he's desperate can't he just say sorry but not mean it?

I wouldn't be blackmailed by parents like that though so o just wouldn't go see them ( or I'd wait for them to crack)

Or could your DH just pay them an unannounced visit?

Does BIL live with the PILs ? It’s possible mil could be frightened of him if he’s unpredictable and her husband isn’t in a position to protect her or fight him off.

I think your DH is entitled to say to his mother he’ll unblock BIL when he apologises for assaulting him. Your DH has nothing to apologise for and BIL is bloody lucky he didn’t get arrested.

Honestly? I'd apologise and see the dad as it cant be undone after. Then when dad is gone cut the fucker out and see how DM gets on without your husband around. She wont be able to pull this shit if DH is the primary support.

Playing devil's advocate but how is BIL supposed to apologise if he's blocked?

This is DHs current thinking - although it’s really galling to him that his parents are asking this of him. I am worried it will damage the relationship with them.
BIL lives near (rent free in DGMs inherited house, but that is another story) and massively relies on PIL like a teenager would. His own relationship has broken down and he is just a very difficult person.
He relies on PIL way more than they do for him.
He could have walked over when we were up there last, he could call me, he could use his landline - he could even write a letter. He hasn’t even tried to apologise and he won’t. We know that. It’s just what to do now.