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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Don't tell me how to look after my own kids" did I speak out of turn?aibu?

31 replies

oceandrives · 10/08/2022 13:37

My friend is currently on holiday down south at the seaside.
She has taken her two kids 6 and 11.
She was at the beach all day yesterday and it was around 28degrees from 9-6 pm
She rang me saying she was having a great holiday and laughing that the youngest was freezing and walking around wrapped up in his dressing gown and coat and saying he felt sick.
She was saying "oh he is such a old man...slippers and dressing gown"
I said it could be sunstroke and she should give him some cool drinks and a cool flannel on his head.
Then she said he was fine and she had to wake him up or he wouldn't sleep tonight so she sent him out to play in his coat.

Today she rings and she's back at the beach again
I said "oh god I would try and keep him out of the sun as much as possible "

She snapped "it's my child mind your own"

Was I speaking out of turn ?

OP posts:
StaunchMomma · 10/08/2022 17:22

Ponoka7 · 10/08/2022 13:41

You should have asked how he was, not given unasked for advice. You were implying that you knew from a difference, better than her, their mother, who is with the boy.

It sounds like she DOES know better than the mother!

Sunstroke is not something to sniff about in kids!

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 10/08/2022 17:24

glamourousindierockandroll · 10/08/2022 17:03

My children both were shivering when they came out of their shaded paddling pool earlier and couldn't wait to get their wet swimsuits off and towels wrapped round them.

I don't think they have heatstroke.

Unless your friend is usually a moron, I would have expected her to judge the context and decide whether it was alarming. Bringing it up again the next day makes it seem like you are more confident in your judgement, made over the phone, than the judgement of this boy's own mother who is right there with him. I'd have been annoyed at you as well.

The next day, were your kids wearing coats, shivering and complaining they felt sick? No. They were in a cold pool and got cold. The child in the OP was in the blazing heat in the open sea and the day after was clearly unwell!

glamourousindierockandroll · 10/08/2022 17:25

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 10/08/2022 17:09

Those posters extrapolating that their children are cold ^coming out from the pool/sea*... where did OP say that this was the case in the instance she's given? She didn't.

Do your children 'feel sick' having come out the sea/pool?

Why overlay your anecdotes when they're not comparable?

Because OP wasn't there and has also said there are pictures and videos of him running around, seeimingly fine. His mother is actually there with him. They've also been at the beach all day, where famously there is usually cold water and overexcited children.

Perhaps OP is right in her diagnosis based on one comment and the mum is awful and neglectful.

Perhaps the mum is right based on her knowledge of and proximity to her child, and OP has drawn a conclusion.

We don't know.

glamourousindierockandroll · 10/08/2022 17:27

The next day, were your kids wearing coats, shivering and complaining they felt sick? No. They were in a cold pool and got cold. The child in the OP was in the blazing heat in the open sea and the day after was clearly unwell!

That's not what the OP says.

She rang yesterday to say her son was cold and feeling sick after being at the beach all day.

She called again this morning to say they were going back to the beach. A comment on the boy's condition today doesn't appear to have been given.

SlickShady · 10/08/2022 18:17

Unsolicited advice is rarely appreciated and very often comes across as patronising. On the few occasions I've felt compelled to give unsolicited advice, I've always apologised in advance and made it very clear that I know how well unsolicited advice is usually taken and that it's not my business etc, but perhaps they might want to consider xyz. And this only ever to people I'm close with. I've never had a problem, and I feel it's because of the pains I take not to sound patronising.

Katypp · 10/08/2022 18:24

The usual MN mantra is 'your child you rules', but not apparently when you are a better parent than they are. Then, apparently you are free to give your advice, as you know your children will never be 'That Poor Child' so often referred to with much drama on here

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