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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think having a whole other wedding 10 years later is odd?

57 replies

Greentrees2021 · 09/08/2022 20:56

I saw some photos the other day of Marvin and Rochelle Humes having a full on second destination wedding to celebrate their 10 year anniversary. I keep thinking how weird this is but it's just being celebrated in the media/SM and noone seems to be commenting how it's odd. Is this now a thing?

I can't get my head around having a whole other wedding ceremony in full wedding dress, another hen/stag do after just 10 years. I was married a similar time ago with DC the same age as theirs and it feels like the blink of an eye. I just cannot imagine expecting all my family and friends to spend time celebrating us all over again. We had our moment and life has moved on and is full of new challenges and opportunities and joy.

I suppose in some ways it's no different from someone having a second dress or second hen party for a second marriage, so why do I find this so strange? It just seems a really weird (and if I'm honest slightly self obsessed) thing to do.

OP posts:
Ahwig · 09/08/2022 21:24

My husband and I renewed our vows on holiday in Vegas. No one had cheated but we had come through an extremely difficult period and for a while it looked as if we wouldn’t make it but we did . So in Vegas in we booked a ceremony at the little church of the west wedding chapel. We told no one and it was just us and the vicar. It was by candlelight and it was beautiful. So no big party or presents or hen/ stag do’s no wedding dress or morning suits just a lovely romantic private ceremony.

CurlsandCurves · 09/08/2022 21:27

I read on here someone said if they were invited to a vow renewal they’d be sat there wondering which one cheated. Put me off after that.

if nothings wrong why do they need renewing?

hockeygrass · 09/08/2022 21:30

Yea agree, magazine paid for it so no expense for anyone and Marvin strayed. I thought it was embarrassing l.

KvotheTheBloodless · 09/08/2022 21:33

FizzyFucker · 09/08/2022 21:06

A vow renewal is usually down to someone cheating.

What?! No it isn't! I know a few (Catholic) couples who've done it for their 25th wedding anniversary, I think it's lovely

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 09/08/2022 21:38

Around 10 years after we married in our local village church our vicar retired having been there over 30 years. He held a service and invited every couple he had married to attend and all renew their vows together. I liked the idea and asked DH, if he wanted to go, his reply was, can't you go with your Mum. Needless to say I didn't go. I wonder what he might have said if I had suggested an expensive renewal abroad. DH and I have been married over 30 years now.

SizzlerFizzler · 09/08/2022 21:38

I really hate the MN view that anything celebratory means you're attention seeking/someone's cheated/someone's fucked up etc.

If a couple are selling their vow renewals to a magazine they can't exactly be averse to a bit of attention

AlexandriasWindmill · 09/08/2022 21:38

It's only on MN that I've seen the vow renewal = cheating logic. Like the PP in RL, I know people who have done it to celebrate milestone anniversaries and they've been lovely ceremonies.

codeshutyourmouth · 09/08/2022 21:46

Might not always be the case, but there are cheating rumours in their case… they upped and left Epping post-haste

Workawayxx · 09/08/2022 21:49

I’d be perfectly happy to attend a lavish party/destination wedding if my celeb friends/family paid for it, whatever the reason 🤷🏻‍♀️😬.

hockeygrass · 09/08/2022 21:50

It was obvious the Magazine had paid for the whole thing, it's about their profile and "wholesome family life" and nothing else.

SizzlerFizzler · 09/08/2022 21:52

Workawayxx · 09/08/2022 21:49

I’d be perfectly happy to attend a lavish party/destination wedding if my celeb friends/family paid for it, whatever the reason 🤷🏻‍♀️😬.

To be fair I'd put any reservations aside and trot along happily too in those circs!

Mollymalone123 · 09/08/2022 21:54

Same with vow renewals.went to one which was basically another wedding-roll on a year and it turns out one of them had an adult child appear from nowhere.

venusandmars · 09/08/2022 21:55

Celebrity stuff aside, I hate that the MN stance is that someone must have cheated. That is so demeaning.

I work in the industry and you would not believe the lovely, and wonderful and heartfelt reasons why people choose to make a recommitment - some after one year, some after 4, some after 25, 40 or 50 or 60 (my own in-laws in the case of 60 year celebration).

People do it because their 'wedding' was dominated by family and they want to do their own thing; they do it because they were pregnant in the 1970's and 'had' to get married (in a small and embarassing service) and now they want to be loud and proud!; they do it because they want to re-affirm their commitment; they do it because they want to involve their (often adult) kids in something important; they do it to look backwards and forwards in their lives and to recognise the connection.

In the case of my 90+ year old in-laws, renewing their vows after 60 years of marriage they were IMMERSED in the vows of 'for better or worse' 'in sickness and in health'.. That is what they live day to day. Their vow renewal was simple, honest, heartfelt.

Annabananna1 · 09/08/2022 22:02

There are not enough celebrations in life.
It's nice to give people who want to the opportunity to get together.
But a big anniversary party would have done the trick. No need for it to be another wedding?!

Preeeettyprettygood · 09/08/2022 22:23

See I'm stuck on this but purely because me and OH have been discussing getting married (he's american and is over there) and we've talked about having a small town hall ceremony over here with just our parents and siblings and doing something a little down the line, so I always wonder if I'm a phony if I say it makes me feel a bit odd in this scenario ha
Having said that though, I love the thought that me and OH would renew our vows years and years down the line, but I know we'd just do that together, absolutely not a full on wedding again.

It makes me feel sad that people would automatically assume one of the couple cheated/affair etc and I can completely see why but at the same time I can see why you would love to have a big celebration to celebrate, 10, 20 years etc.

I wouldn't essentially re-do my wedding day again but I would certainly love to mark an special anniversary just me and OH...and wear a white dress 😂

So all in all, it makes me question although not the same as I'm not married yet, but if I had a teeny ceremony and then held a bigger one for all our friends and family a little longer down the line, am I taking the piss or??

I hope either way they are happy

Preeeettyprettygood · 09/08/2022 22:27

venusandmars · 09/08/2022 21:55

Celebrity stuff aside, I hate that the MN stance is that someone must have cheated. That is so demeaning.

I work in the industry and you would not believe the lovely, and wonderful and heartfelt reasons why people choose to make a recommitment - some after one year, some after 4, some after 25, 40 or 50 or 60 (my own in-laws in the case of 60 year celebration).

People do it because their 'wedding' was dominated by family and they want to do their own thing; they do it because they were pregnant in the 1970's and 'had' to get married (in a small and embarassing service) and now they want to be loud and proud!; they do it because they want to re-affirm their commitment; they do it because they want to involve their (often adult) kids in something important; they do it to look backwards and forwards in their lives and to recognise the connection.

In the case of my 90+ year old in-laws, renewing their vows after 60 years of marriage they were IMMERSED in the vows of 'for better or worse' 'in sickness and in health'.. That is what they live day to day. Their vow renewal was simple, honest, heartfelt.

What a lovely post 😊 and I can absolutely see why couples would love to do it all over again. It's not always all doom and gloom but when you're in the public eye I can see why most would see otherwise

I can only imagine how lovely your job is to be a part or witness

MrsTimRiggins · 09/08/2022 22:27

It seems so utterly pointless to me, the entire point of your marriage vows is that they are for life… so they don’t need renewing by their very nature!
I tend to think someone has had an affair when a couple renews their vows, rightly or wrongly.
what’s wrong with a cracking anniversary party? Still celebrating your happy marriage, still able to invite all your nearest and dearest, still able to don your gladrags…

BlueKaftan · 09/08/2022 22:37

If you live your vows why do you need to renew them?

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/08/2022 22:57

AlexandriasWindmill · 09/08/2022 21:38

It's only on MN that I've seen the vow renewal = cheating logic. Like the PP in RL, I know people who have done it to celebrate milestone anniversaries and they've been lovely ceremonies.

Well, but presumably part of the point of a wedding is that you only do it once? You make the vows and stick to them. I have to say I would be sceptical.

Besides I just can’t see why anyone would put themselves through the horror of two weddings. One is quite enough.

BeanieTeen · 10/08/2022 09:31

I also don’t believe a vowel renewal is a sign of cheering. I quite like them, I think they are very romantic.
But a vowel renewal is not a wedding.

Rochelle Humes in a full on white wedding dress complete with veil is just ridiculous - these are two grown adults playing dress up putting on what’s basically a pretend wedding. It’s a shame because with all that money, in a nice location they could have done something really nice and meaningful but they just look like a right pair of tools. I just think it’s cringeworthy and actually demeans a meaningful relationship moment they could have had. You’ve turned your 10 year anniversary - which is not a big one but still significant - into a really silly show. Sad and embarrassing.

blobby10 · 10/08/2022 09:47

Vow renewals are not always due to cheating! I lost my wedding ring on holiday in the July of our 10th Wedding anniversary in the October. We got a new ring and wanted it blessed so combined the two. Brief church blessing in the church we were married in and still attended, parents and siblings in attendance(as well as our three children) and took everyone out for a posh meal afterwards!

Got divorced 10 years later but still no cheating involved!

balalake · 10/08/2022 09:51

Their choice, just hope that those with lower incomes don't see this as something to do at the expense of what I would term higher priorities.

Thesearmsofmine · 10/08/2022 09:56

Yeah I always think someone has cheated when I see vow renewals and have heard gossip about Mr Humes. I also got married in 2012 and it doesn’t feel like 5 minutes ago, I can’t imagine feeling the need to renew my vows :so soon when they haven’t been broken.

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 10/08/2022 10:11

I don't think having a big lavish 10 year anniversary celebration is weird, but I do think calling it a wedding is weird! It's clearly not a wedding if you've already been married for a decade.

10HailMarys · 10/08/2022 10:18

It wouldn't be my thing, but each to their own. Lots of people have vow renewals and it's absolute bollocks to suggest that it must be because someone cheated or whatever.

I would suspect that the wedding dress and the massive party was paid for by sponsors as part of the magazine deal.

I only know one person who had a vow renewal and there was no cheating involved. The couple got married very young, and over the years they've both got a lot more confident and are much more 'themselves' if that makes sense, and they both wished that when they got married they'd had a different type of wedding and had been able to invite some of the friends they didn't meet until after they were married. So their vow renewal was basically the wedding they felt was more 'them' than their actual wedding. The 'bride' didn't wear a veil or a huge expensive dress but she did wear white and I think she had a bouquet? I wasn't there but the photos looked to me like a casual wedding party, basically. Their first wedding was a very conventional church one, formal clothes etc.