AIBU to tell my bro that he damaged the counter top?

[Daisyrose21]

I know this is a very small problem in the grand scheme of things but some advice would be greatly appreciated. I rented a property to a sibling at a reduced rate. It’s been problematic (culminating in an argument where he hung up on me) but I now have the property back and getting it ready to rent more long term which I desperately need to do. Property is very unclean which is fine I will clean it as sibling has no real sense of clean - imagine someone on the almost hoarder scale. But… my lovely walnut counter top has (more) burn and water marks on them now. Not terrible but enough. In fairness, one burn mark was done by me in the years I lived there and now there are multiple more in like 5 months. Now my aibu, should I say something or just cut my losses at this stage given I did one burn mark.

AIBU - say something
AINBU - don’t say something

What would saying something achieve?

What outcome are you hoping for?

Is that likely to be achieved by mentioning it?

Did you have a tenancy agreement and damage deposit? If not, afraid no point mentioning it.

Yeah I agree the fact is they can’t do anything. The outcome I want to achieve is I wish they were more careful!! But that isn’t in their nature and I knew that but was helping them out

Nope, nothing in writing and no agreement. I don’t really even want them to do anything. I guess I want them to apologise but I’m not sure they ever have for anything!

I think if it had been pristine to start with then fair enough. But as you had burnt it yourself then I think it's a bit cheeky to mention it. Just don't rent to him again.

IMO, don’t bother saying anything, unless you are going to ask him for payment toward fixing it. There’s no point otherwise as it won’t help anything, and will likely just cause more stress and aggro for you.

You might be able to sand down the countertop, wax it and bring it back to being beautiful. Although it might not be worth it to do that before renting it out...

Don't say anything and replace the wooden counter top with something more practical and durable, otherwise you'll be stressing about the next tenants as well.

I wouldn’t say I was being cheeky but I agree it wasn’t pristine. It (the counter top) was a gift from my parents when I bought the flat as a finishing touch and I love it. And I agree, not much point fixing it before the next lot come.

We’re in quite a good place now and I really don’t want more stress and aggro. I’m just annoyed - rightfully or not! I know it wouldn’t have been done in malice, they’re just not careful

This has been very helpful, thank you!

I'd present him with a bill for the cleaning.

I can understand why you're annoyed and the whole situation sounds less than ideal, but I also think that you rent out a property you have to accept that accidents do happen and that a tenant, whether it's your brother or a stranger, might accidentally mark or burn something just like a home-owner might. It doesn't sound like wilful damage and your relationship with your brother already sounds fractious so I don't think there's anything to be gained by dragging it out further.

He should pay for the cleaning bill, if he doesn't clean the place adequately himself.

But the counter ... I'm not sure. Did you give him care instructions for it when he moved in?

I got a lot of marks out of an oak worktop with Barkeepers Friend - mix the powder to a paste with water and leave on the mark for a while - then wash off, sand down and re-seal. Mine came up looking like new after several years of use

It can be fractious for sure. And he can make sweeping statements about how I treat him like So I guess I kind of want to remind that I don’t!

The cleaning bill, urgh. I feel like that would also just drag things out

I did give instructions but imagine a kitchen where someone literally has EVERY single thing constantly on the counter top from pans to plates to food.

Oooo thank you!! Did you sand using a block? And did you use any particular oil?

I shouldn’t have gotten in the arrangement, and probably should just be happy to get out of it. He’s still storing some stuff there, so I’ll focus on that being out and getting my key back so I can move on

Very sensible Daisy.

As he's the type to be "fractious" & make unpleasant remarks to the sister who has generously let him have a rent-controlled home for several months, he's unlikely to offer an apology or anything that will make you feel heard, let alone apologised to. Better to learn from it in silence, & avoid any further pass-agg commentary from him.

Ah, I understand how you feel. It's already caused arguments, just sand it back and treat again, this is the beauty of a wooden worktop. Or live with the rustic look.
We rented a property out with a full stave oak worktop. I'm sure I'll get it back busted.

That made me well up a bit! I try hard to be a good sibling but i feel like I’m in quite a volatile family. Hard to know when to stand up for yourself and when to just smile politely! Which I feel like I do a lot!

Thanks @Hobele! ☺️

Your DB has been awful. No point telling him he has been even more awful.

Wooden countertops are a lot of maintenance. You need to sand the spots back with fine sandpaper then oil it an insane number of times. Plus carry on oiling it once a month from now until the end of time. You know it's OK when drops of water stand clear on the top instead of being absorbed.

I use Osmo Top Oil on mine.

That made me well up a bit! I try hard to be a good sibling but i feel like I’m in quite a volatile family. Hard to know when to stand up for yourself and when to just smile politely! Which I feel like I do a lot!

Aaaaw Daisy.
When you get a bit longer in the tooth, you may just sit up one day & tell the guilty parties to go fuck themselves.
However, this is neither obligatory or urgent - but you can have a lot of quiet cathartic fun visualising it.

If you didn’t have an inventory with photos and very specific details of the cleanliness and any damage prior to moving in, you don’t have a leg to stand on. You did a good thing . Just use this as a lesson learned and move on.

If it's solid wood, sand it down and re oil it, comes up as good as new.

I wouldn't say anything, but then neither would I rent to them again.