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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think I'm not that unusual in not having regularly drunk alcohol as a young teen?

17 replies

bathsh3ba · 09/08/2022 12:21

I started drinking regularly/getting drunk probably at about 16 when I started going into town on a Friday or Saturday night with my mates. This was normal among my friendship group. I had the occasional drink at home with my parents from 13 or so but it was a treat, not a regular occurrence and I wouldn't have got 'drunk'.

This seems to be the same with my current young teen daughters (13 and 14). I let them have the occasional one-off drink but they don't yet go out to parties or at night and neither do their friends so drinking is not really something they want to do. They're still quite 'young' for their age but they're developing their independence and happy and to me that is what matters.

For full context/disclosure, they/I both go/went to an all girls private school.

The view has been expressed to me recently that it's not normal for my teens not to drink. I'm depriving them of the experience of 'proper' teenage years. The person who expressed this thinks I missed out because I didn't drink/go to house parties/smoke weed/have sex when I was 13. I don't think I missed out at all and I'm sure I'm doing the right thing for my girls but I'm starting to wonder .... am I that unusual? Was it a private school thing?

OP posts:

HilaryBriss · 09/08/2022 12:24

Well I didn't go to private school and didn't start drinking until I was 17, almost 18, and neither did most of my friends. This was back in the 80's though - perhaps times have changed since then

HitsAndMrs · 09/08/2022 12:26

But you've just said your teens do drink? I think that's far too young to be honest, at home or otherwise. I wasn't getting drunk at 16 either.
I say this as a pretty open minded person who now likes alcohol but you're coming across as if you and your children have a good relationship with alcohol and I would disagree going off your post. Not a chance I would give my 13 year old alcohol, she's a child.

LivesinLondon2000 · 09/08/2022 12:27

16 sounds completely normal to me. I don’t know any teenagers of 13 drinking alcohol here - even at home - and that includes a mix of all types of schools/social classes.
By 15/16 yes but not routinely at 13/14

Original poster

bathsh3ba · 09/08/2022 12:34

This person is the same age as me and we were teens in the '90s.

I think we just lived in different worlds! To me, a 13/14yo having a one-off drink on a special occasion (we're talking Christmas, or their birthday, or a wedding, not just because it's the weekend or something) is okay - others disagree which is fine - but not as a regular thing. To them, regular drinking at that age is normal.

OP posts:

liveforsummer · 09/08/2022 12:36

I was 14/15 but it was easier then. Non photographic id was accepted if it was even asked for at all. These days it's much more difficult to gain access to pubs and clubs underage. My dc also have a lot less free time than I had due to hobbies etc so less opportunities to be going out drinking

Mally100 · 09/08/2022 12:41

Definitely not the case when I grew up and not among my friends either. I do think it's poor parenting for parents to be allowing even the occasional drinking at 13. That's still a very young child.

Siameasy · 09/08/2022 12:42

Im with you. I tried booze at 13/14 at home and was going to clubs at 15 and that’s when I started getting into drinking. I was born in the 70s

nonevernotever · 09/08/2022 12:44

Definitely not the case for me either at a state school in the 80s, or for my nieces now .

bloodywhitecat · 09/08/2022 12:44

Didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't dabble in drugs, didn't have underage sex I went to a rough, rundown state comprehensive. As far as I know my kids followed in my footsteps but went to a better state school.

crazyplanet · 09/08/2022 12:53

I was drinking,smoking and dabbled in drugs from 13 or 14(but I had a very unstable childhood).
My son started having a drink with friends at 16, no smoking or drugs (as far as I know and hope not).

gwenneh · 09/08/2022 13:00

I was a teen in the 90's too, and drinking at 13 definitely wasn't the norm. Neither was smoking, house parties, or having sex - not at 13, and not at 16 either.

I definitely didn't know anyone who drank at 13, and though there were certainly a small number of classmates who did drink or smoke at 16, they were few in number and not people I associated with.

nokidshere · 09/08/2022 13:00

Teens are drinking and smoking less these days. My two boys and their friends drink much less than their dad did at the same age. They both regularly meet up with friends, even in a pub, and all choose soft drinks.

That's not to say they don't drink at all but they seem to have much more of a 'take it or leave it' attitude instead of drinking every time they go out.

Lemonblossom · 09/08/2022 13:06

I was 15 in 1989 and that’s when I started drinking when out. Most of my friends were the same. 13 would have been extremely young and to be frank they would have had a bit of a reputation drinking that young. I went to a state comp too.

dh is three years older than me though and didn’t really drink until 18. I think that’s unusual.

Abouttimemum · 09/08/2022 13:12

I didn’t drink as a teen, started going out when I was 17. Did get myself into some states for a few years but when I look back I didn’t enjoy it. I went out at uni but didn’t drink much. I don’t drink now much either, I’m just not bothered about it. For context my family do drink but don’t have any issues with it, my parents let me have a glass of wine with Sunday lunch when I was about 13 onwards but I didn’t ask for it really (I had fizzy wine that tasted like pop ha.) they were quite happy that I wasn’t bothered.

my oldest nephew is 18 and doesn’t like to drink or the party. My younger one does like to drink occasionally and has been to a few parties.I think it’s all about personality really. If your daughters don’t want to then don’t encourage it.

There’s too many people my age drinking to excess on a daily basis and the less of that the better, it would most likely improve our mental and physical health as a country.

Abouttimemum · 09/08/2022 13:14

Oh and I didn’t take any drugs or try smoking - still never have - and if anyone said I was ‘missing out’ by not dabbling i’d probably just laugh. No thanks lol.

Icedbannoffee · 09/08/2022 13:16

Started going out with friends at 16, find it odd for a 13 year old to drink alcohol at home to be honest.

Gatekeeper · 09/08/2022 13:18

None of my circle of friends (and majority of peers) drank as teenagers or smoked. The most I would have is a tiny glass of advocaat at Christmas. I didn't start drinking until I was around 19/20 and this was the norm for us in late 70's early 80's.

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