Is life and relationships easier when you are ”like everybody else”?

[Sonervousimgonnathrowup]

The title is stupid, I apolize.
I’m just going to give this one a go.
If anyone reads or responses, please be kind.

So, I pretty much failed in life.
Barely made it out of school, lost the one friend that I had, I kind of do part time job for my mom, depression sucked all interest out of me - can’t bring myself to care about anythin, because anxiety I don’t go anywhere, never been on a date or you know, anything else.

My life sucks, I hate it.
I am in theraphy, my theraphist is so wonderful, she is, and she does support me to go out, even just to library and engourage me to at least one day to connect with people.

But I’m so fucking shamed of myself.
I don’t want to even think about talking to people, I really do not have anything going on in my life, I don’t relate anyone.…

It sounds very difficult. Have you considered trying what your therapist suggests, even if just for a few days, to see whether it's advice that might help? You never know...

Ultimately though, yes, life is easier if you fit in. If you're neither appreciably better or worse off than those around you.

Thank you @PleasantBirthday
I have have thought about it, I do my little things, like the library.
But to start talking to people seems impossible, I freezy just looking people from distance.

Thanks for being kind about this!
You have no idea how much that means.

You sound really unhappy.

You say you have nothing going on in your life. You can change that. You can slowly start to do things. So that you have things to talk about. You could volunteer. There are employment schemes with mentors who are used to working with people in similar situations to you.

Having colossally fucked up too, I understand that feeling of deep shame and failure. But what choice is there but to try to change things, bit by bit?

You don’t have to keep feeling like this. You have engaged with therapy so there is clearly something in you that wants to change. Going to therapy shows that Inside you there is the desire and resolve to change.

Keep going forward OP,

I hope things get better for you.

Don't compare yourself to others. There's a saying, comparison is the thief of joy and it's so true. There are so many people who feel like you but because, like you, they find it difficult to make contact with others, you don't know they exist. You're a glorious person with the exact same feelings of everyone else. Everyone has feelings of shame about things, anxiety about things, felt failure. They just don't show it all the time.

I presume you go to the supermarket? Just make generic chat at the tills. Or say something nice to someone about their child. No big conversation but it will help build your confidence. Try doing voluntary work where you'll be mixing with people. You can learn to be more outgoing but it takes practice and the first steps are the most challenging.

And thank you too @MaryBlighthouse !
We have actually talked about volunteering, I haven’t been brave enought to go, but I have looked into it.

You are right about wanting a change, and I guess it is made bit by bit.

I hope you are doing better now.

Thank you for being so nice!

Thank you for suggestion @MarshaMelrose .

It's a horrible time for you. When you have depression, you feel like you're in a deep pit that you'll never get out of. You will but it's hard work and you have to work at it every day. It's a marathon and you have to be disciplined. It's so easy to condemn and blame yourself but you'll just keep dragging yourself down. And I can't see anything you've done to blame yourself over.
You've finished school, you work, you've been ill. Nothing wrong with any of that.
You have to be very strict and put structure into your life so that you have to go places where you mix with people. You've made a commitment to work and see the therapist and you honour both of those. That's a great start. Now think about your interests and look for opportunities to exploit those. Walking clubs, night school (for interests not exams), charity work.
I speak from experience. It's hard and you'll have hiccups on the path forward but you're not condemned to this way of life forever.