Long post, apologies in advance.
Had a rough relationship with my family. mother was distant/neglectful/rejecting, father spent all our money on showing off to his mates and on prostitutes. They were both long term unemployed (despite good education, etc). We never wanted for anything such as food, shelter, etc, thanks to my grandmother. My father has passed away and I have not had much contact with my mother in the last 4 years.
Did not get on with my sis either, growing up or when older. I’ve tried in recent years to have a relationship with her, which has been difficult to maintain as I actually don’t like the person she is/personality/values. But I’ve tried hard to keep a relationship going and support her. She’s the only blood relative I have in my life.
She TTC for many years unsuccessfully and eventually gave up, years ago, and now expresses being happy she isn’t a mother. I was always sympathetic and supportive of her difficulties.
I’ve been in the UK for almost 20 years. No family here. I’m about to become a FTM, currently 38 weeks. Had a difficult pregnancy in terms of the impact it’s had on my mental health; developed intrusive thoughts around my safety (distressing images, thoughts (particularly) around being raped, (but also) beaten up, attacked, run over by cars, pushed off train platforms), depression. And just the idea of motherhood in general. Haven’t left the house much because of these fears. I do have a very supportive and loving partner and am now under a perinatal mental health team.
In late June, my sister, in the same conversation:
Expressed disappointment and shrugged when I told her I was having a boy
Then went off on one criticising our choice of name, how we decided on the name and, when I said we’d actually changed our minds and didn’t want that anymore, replied “REALLY?? 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍”
Started criticising the star sign the kid would be and basically suggested I kept him in for a few days longer so he’d be the next, more agreeable in her eyes, star sign. Ps: I don’t believe in astrology/star signs
When I pointed out to her these 3 ridiculous comments and how disrespectful she’d been, making everything about her, her expectations, wants, etc, and how I was struggling with my MH (without giving details) and that I needed space, she apologised so profusely it was almost grovelling.
One month later, we’re talking about how she’ll send me over a payment for some money I lent her over a year ago. She then baits me with questions about the pregnancy:
“has the baby been born yet”? Wtf? Like I’d be talking about money and not told you the baby had been born?
“When are you due? If I can ask you that” (had previously told her when)
Then picks an argument with me, full of whataboutery, irrelevant things, and just outright BS comments about things she doesn’t know (eg “you’ve become English” - ?? Also she’s never met an English person or been to England. All Invitations over the years to visit me, fully paid by me, went ignored by my family). She sent me a voice note screaming at me, rubbing a favour she did for me 15 years ago on my face, That I’ve made her beg for my attention these last few months (ie, during the pregnancy). She retracted all her apologies. Said she was just making ‘suggestions’ so had nothing to apologise for. That, regardless of whether I believe in astrology, the baby will have a star sign and I should know about the characteristics/traits and get used to the idea of having a Leo child. She also said we’re too incompatible to have a close relationship.
I replied inc with explicit detail about my MH, as above, and how difficult it’s been for me. She just says “I’ve had the exact same issues”. No sympathy or empathy expressed. I replied that I was sorry to hear she had the same experience as it’s very distressing. She replies that “This spat between us hasn’t meant that I haven’t had the same nightmare things for this past month”. Which made me think she’s lying and doesn’t have the same experiences. What a coincidence, that it comes up for the first time when I express them and emphasis on the “last month”.
At this point, I didn’t address what she said, I just agreed we’re too incompatible to have a close relationship. then she reacted all sad about it. We haven’t talked much after, other than practicalities around the money transfer.
AIBU to just finally give up on having a relationship with my sister, given she doesn’t respect me, my boundaries, beliefs, needs and wants, and that I don’t even like her as a person? some people like to kick you when you’re down. This might be what’s happened here?