Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a birthday present or card from colleagues

24 replies

Bananamam4 · 08/08/2022 15:58

I recently celebrated a big birthday and took some time off work to celebrate with family on a short break. On returning to the busy office where I work a few colleagues asked if I had a good time, however I felt upset as they hadn't got me a present or card. Usually a collection is made for employees when celebrating a special occasion and I have always contributed to these collections in the past. Can't help feeling a bit hurt though that they didn't bother for me 😟

OP posts:
ShinyMe · 08/08/2022 16:04

Were you at work on your actual birthday?

veganmayo · 08/08/2022 16:05

I was prepared to say that it's a bit much to expect anything like this from work, but if it's the norm at your workplace then yeah, I probably would feel a bit dejected about that. Maybe it was genuinely accidentally missed because you were off work the few days around your birthday?

Stropalotopus83 · 08/08/2022 16:06

Yeah YANBU, especially if a collection usually made for such things. I'd feel a bit sad too OP.

Original poster
Bananamam4 · 08/08/2022 16:06

No but most of them knew it was coming up and it was mentioned on social media

OP posts:
Essexgalttc · 08/08/2022 16:07

YANBU
If you put in for others then the same should be done for you

Musicaltheatremum · 08/08/2022 16:07

We only get something if we are at work on the day. Next year I'm 60 and it's a Monday so might go to work to get my card.

Blueberrywitch · 08/08/2022 16:08

I feel like things like birthday cards really had a wobble over covid! Pre covid all my workplaces would do a cake, card and sing if you were there for your birthday! Now no one gets a card anymore. It’s sad! Try not to take it personally - especially since you weren’t there on the day itself.

Sweetlikechocolate6 · 08/08/2022 16:08

I wouldn’t be contributing to any more collections and would have to say something if asked why .

JorisBonson · 08/08/2022 16:09

We only do collections for weddings, babies and leaving / retirement.

DorisWallis · 08/08/2022 16:10

I agree with @Sweetlikechocolate6

Funkyslippers · 08/08/2022 16:12

Yanbu, I'd be upset but it probably is to do with you not being there on your birthday. My boss got me to nip out and get something for a colleague's big birthday last year (she paid). Another colleague had a big birthday this year so I approached my boss to see if she would pay for a present of the same value and she did. If you're doing it for one you should do it for everyone

Jollygreen · 08/08/2022 16:12

We don't do birthday collections, only weddings/babies/retirements.

For birthdays it'd be far too many collections.

Do they do everyone else's birthdays?

FangsForTheMemory · 08/08/2022 16:13

We did a card where I worked, but no a collection as it was a big team. Still, I was a bit peeved on a landmark birthday, that even my manager didn't bother to get me flowers. It's not that you expect it, but it's nice when people bother.

HellaFitzgerald · 08/08/2022 16:13

JorisBonson · 08/08/2022 16:09

We only do collections for weddings, babies and leaving / retirement.

That makes no difference to the OP's situation.

OP, I'd be furious tbh. And I would NOT buy any more presents for anyone, or donate the bare minimum.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 08/08/2022 16:14

I dont really want to be that personal at work. I'd rather not receive cards or gifts. It makes me feel uncomfortable.

Original poster
Bananamam4 · 08/08/2022 16:15

They usually do something for big birthdays which mine was

OP posts:
Bobbimagee · 08/08/2022 16:19

That's upsetting if it's the norm. We don't do birthdays at my work place which I'm fine with.

ddl1 · 08/08/2022 16:30

I am rather horrified at the idea of workplace collections for everyone's birthday. It doesn't happen where I work (leaving cards and get-well cards, yes). It must get very expensive for everyone; and also I would feel it very invasive of my privacy, especially if it was done in particular for 'big' birthdays. I do NOT need all my colleagues making a thing of my age!!!!

So I'm afraid I think the whole custom of birthday collections at work is U.

However, if it's the general custom where you work, I suppose YANBU to wish to be treated the same as everyone else.

Fancylike · 08/08/2022 16:44

That is upsetting if the norm, but does sound more like out of sight, out of mind. Can you bring it up with whoever usually does the collection?

My work normally does a cake and song for birthdays, which is a treat for the whole office to share tbh. This year the office PA took my cake flavour preference the week before, then when the day rolled around, waited until end of day to tell me that the head of HR is trying to cut costs, starting with birthday cakes. More specifically, starting with mine. Obviously I checked when she was blocked out for a meeting and brought my own choc cake in for everyone to devour without her.

Funkyslippers · 08/08/2022 16:53

Fancylike nice one 🤣🤣

Lou98 · 08/08/2022 17:01

Did they know it was a big birthday for you and not just a normal one? And is it an age that is commonly classed as a big birthday? Just I know some people vary on what is and isn't a big one.
If it's a birthday they usually collect for then YANBU!

This is why I'm not really a fan of workplace collections, someone has to organise it and too often people are forgotten

TokyoTen · 08/08/2022 17:03

Honestly I wouldn't bother - just stop contributing and let it die a death!

SarahSissions · 08/08/2022 17:03

Just don’t give to any collections going forwards

Mary46 · 08/08/2022 17:15

It would be nice to be acknowledged. But where do they end. When I temped it was a few small cakes but nice thought.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page