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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mil is upset

21 replies

Hillsmakeyoustrong · 08/08/2022 11:09

We are going away tomorrow for 3 weeks and I am busy packing for 4 and cleaning for the house sitters and sorting out the dogs (videos for the house-sitters, grooming etc). The workload is always more than I imagine.

Mil knows this has been in the diary since we booked it at Easter and we all agreed we would see each other in the week before our trip. However, mil decided last minute she was going to go away with the sil for a week, which was fine, but when she came back late on Saturday afternoon, she texted to say I still hope to see you before you go on Tuesday morning. So...Sunday morning, she went to church, then we had a village fete/kids sports day on Sunday afternoon and now today is focussed on leaving first thing tomorrow when we will have over a 12 hour drive to France . I have said to mil that I need to see if I can shuffle things around but the truth is its very difficult with 5 year olds. She is not impressed. To be fair, she has recently had surgery and she has had poor health since fil died two years ago.

AIBU to not want to fit her in at the last minute or am I being mean? DH wants to drop in for a cup of tea this afternoon which would be a stretch but do-able but I feel there is an entitlement at play.

For context, we would only normally see her twice a month and she lives a 35 minute drive away. She is usually very independent and enjoys seeing the grandchildren but on her terms. We last visited her two weeks ago.

OP posts:
InDubiousBattle · 08/08/2022 11:11

Could she not come to you and help entertain the dc whilst you pack?

ChagSameachDoreen · 08/08/2022 11:12

Tough titty!

Maybeebebe · 08/08/2022 11:13

well if DH has time, he can go see her then?

Dogtooth · 08/08/2022 11:13

Can DH take the kids off there so you can pack and have a breather?

luxxlisbon · 08/08/2022 11:15

I don’t entirely understand, do you not want your husband to go?
Why is there entitlement at play?

If anything surely it would be preferable for your husband to take the kids to see their DGM and you have a quiet house to pack.

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 08/08/2022 11:15

Ask her to look after the kids while you get sorted. Win win.

ClingyClingy · 08/08/2022 11:15

Dogtooth · 08/08/2022 11:13

Can DH take the kids off there so you can pack and have a breather?

Yes to this although it leaves all the organising to you

Helpyou · 08/08/2022 11:17

I'd either say for her to come to you or you take them to MIL and your DH packs or he takes them and you pack? I know I'd love to pack without the kids around!

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 08/08/2022 11:18

Surely you just send dh and dc?

Thehop · 08/08/2022 11:21

Husband take kids?

she’ll die, whilst you’re away, to spite you, if you don’t see her. But I’m maudlin like that.

otherwose she chose church and holiday over seeing you, so tough. You’re busy.

10HailMarys · 08/08/2022 11:21

Given that you'd previously agreed you'd see her the week before, and she chose to do something else, I don't think she has any real justification for being upset that you can't drop everything to see her today.

As others have said - maybe DH could go over there with the kids to see her while you get on with the packing etc.

LightDrizzle · 08/08/2022 11:26

Another one saying the obvious thing is for DH to take the children.

TokyoTen · 08/08/2022 11:28

So DH could take DCs and go and see her whilst you pack - seems a sensible resolution. I have to say packing for 4 doesn't seem a huge job unless it's an artic expedition.

ShoesCoatandBag · 08/08/2022 11:28

Dh can take the kids. You can drink tea in peace at home. He can pack when he gets back.

Hillsmakeyoustrong · 08/08/2022 11:36

She wouldn't look after the kids and I wouldn't ask her to, they are 5 year old twins!! Lovely but a handful. @Thehop you made me lol

It's not just the packing, we have to prepare the house for the house-sitters so think oven cleaning, bed changing, lawn mowing, bathroom scrubbing. I was grooming the dogs at 10pm last night as they have wool coats. They look awful but at least they won't be hot and matted.

Yes DH can take kids when he is home from work and I can hope she doesn't misinterpret my absence! He can then get the petrol on the way home.

OP posts:
GlitterB0mb · 08/08/2022 11:50

You really don't need to clean the oven or mow the lawn for house sitters. I've House sat many times and never noticed the state of the oven. You're making work for yourself

mumwon · 08/08/2022 12:03

you have a lawn to mow??? mine is a straw mat I thought most peoples were the same

caringcarer · 08/08/2022 12:10

Send DH to mil with twins for cup of tea. Get fuel on way back. You pack. When DH gets home he cuts lawn. Leave oven. Just wipe over hob. One do bathroom when twins in bed and other vacuum. Have a lovely holiday in France. Send mil a postcard. My mil loves postcards.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 08/08/2022 12:21

Cleaning the oven for the house sitters? Honestly that seems completely unnecessary! The place needs to be clean and tidy but it doesn’t need to be show-home standard! I think you are making work where it’s not needed.

WinterMusings · 08/08/2022 12:24

That would be a firm NO!

She coukdnt see you last week as arranged & you BOTH have too much to do before you go tomorrow! Your only going on holiday, not emigrating!!

Hillsmakeyoustrong · 08/08/2022 12:27

@mumwon I should say mow the thistles and weeds which are thriving.

All good advice. I will still clean the oven though as I haven't done it in months and it's just awful. DH taking the kids and will bath and pyjama them there.

@caringcarer oh we will send a postcard.

Thanks all

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