Friends birthday

[ConfusedLove]

It’s my friends birthday in a few weeks time. We haven’t known each other that long so this would be the first birthday I have known her and will be celebrating with her. Friend is usually quite big on parties however I’m usually quite modest (single mum of 3, and my childrens birthdays all fall days and weeks after mine so usually reserve money for them).
Friends birthday is coming up in September and she has mentioned she wants to have a big celebration, go out to eat and then possibly a night out in another town up north.
Whilst I have no immediate problem with this; friend is very bad with money management and often has no money. From what I’ve heard, friend has expected others to pay for her on her birthday as ‘it’s her special day’ but my attitude is; if you haven’t got the money- don’t do it. Stick to your budget. I wouldn’t mind if it was us all chipping in for a small meal but friend is an extravagant person so will order steak and lobster on the menu with champagne and then once getting to the club; will order drink after drink and even bottles knowing she has no money and would expect others to pay.

AIBU to not go to her birthday dinner and opt to go to the after party and stick to buying my own drinks?

Not at all unreasonable.
Presumably she knows you are a single mum so just say you can’t afford it and offer to take her out for a coffee another day.

YANBU your friend sounds like a proper cheeky fucker

Yep, set your boundaries & your budget - sounds like a good plan.

Can I just ask though, if you've only known her a short time and this will be the very first time you'll be witnessing her and her birthdays, how do you know that's what she's likely to do/expect?

I hate people like that. Just because it's your birthday doesn't mean you should demand/expect people to spend loads of money on you.

I wouldn't be going

Anyone else jealous of the absolute front this woman must have? I just couldn't do this.

Congratulations you’ve officially set healthy boundaries for yourself! Your friend sounds a bit cheeky too

Just say you can't get a babysitter and you're having to save for your kids' birthdays, so can't spare the cash for a big evening out, but you'd love to take her for tea and cake another day... If she's a decent friend she'll understand. If she doesn't understand, she's not a friend is just after acolytes to bolster her narcissism.

I wouldn’t go, I wouldn’t put myself in that situation.

Yanbu, I wouldn't even go for the drinks. Save it for your kids, not the CF who expect everyone to fund her extravagant ideas.

Because she has told me that’s how she usually does things so to be prepared for a big celebration
Also mutual friends I have met of hers have told me about previous parties.

She said it herself? wow, she has some neck, huh? You probably should have said to her there and then, "Oh I wouldn't be able to afford that, sorry"

Are you happy to be friends with someone who is so at ease with taking advantage of others?

I’d be washing my hair for that one… she’s pre warned you you will be expected to pay even though she knows you have a budget. It would be in the back of my mind she’d be looking for cash at some point in the night so I wouldn’t relax

and what kind of person expects that from (anyone at all really) but especially a single mother with 3 children

I wouldn't go. I had an ex like this, earned a decent wage and squandered it on rubbish so was always "broke". He invited some friends and family out for a birthday meal, I paid for his as previously agreed this would be his present. Fine. However at the restaurant and a bar of his choice afterwards, he refused to buy a round to the point of stropping when called out on it, and would say "I fancy a rum and coke (or whatever it was) now" and look round at everyone to see who would go to the bar to buy it for him. Most people left early, we ended up going home about 8pmish IIRC because only 2 or 3 other people braved it out that long by ignoring his CFery!