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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Throwing food vs buying clothes

21 replies

ClothesNotFish · 08/08/2022 08:48

AIBU to think that DH can't complain I bought the Dc some new clothes that they need when he's willing to throw £35 worth of fish he bought because he doesn't feel like eating it any more?

Money is tighter than it used to be, we've had some large unexpected bills and have scraped together the last of our savings to pay off some of the mortgage. No reserves any more, The DC are growing and e.g. DD's underwear is too small. I've said she has to wait til this month for me to buy more. I've had to buy her some jeans and T-shirts and a jumper too as she's grown. Ditto DS but he needs only vests and T-shirts and a pair of jeans.

DH has been buying the food over the holidays because my cooking is boring and for the weekend bought 4 fish to barbecue. Decided on Sunday he didn't feel like fish and we'd eat pasta instead. The fish is dated the 7th so he wanted to throw it but I said DC and I would eat it today (he's back at work) as I reckon it's only a few hours over it should still be ok. I know he's going to moan when he sees the credit card bill....

OP posts:

IsDaveThere · 08/08/2022 08:51

Well its not even the throwing away the fish to be honest, £35 is a lot of money to spend on one meal when you are struggling to clothe your kids and your poor daughter has to wear underwear that is too small!

CherryColaRoller · 08/08/2022 08:52

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Tigofigo · 08/08/2022 08:56

YANBU, what a waste! The money is one thing - £35 is what many people have for a week.

But to throw it is not only a waste of money, but incredibly wasteful in itself, and utterly disrespecting the fact that those animals died solely for him / your family to eat.

In terms of clothes I would look at second hand if money is tight, or see if you have friends or aquaintances who will give you hand me downs.

We are lucky to have hand me downs and only buy about 15% of our DC's clothes.

Original poster

ClothesNotFish · 08/08/2022 09:01

In terms of clothes I would look at second hand if money is tight, or see if you have friends or aquaintances who will give you hand me downs.
I do where I can, unfortunately my Dc are the eldest of my acquaintances. DS is now large enough I can ask around for their DH's cast offs 😂 but DD does need some girls' clothes to wear occasionally.

Buying the fish anyway was a bit silly on his part if you're struggling why spend £35+ for a meal at home
I totally agree and I wouldn't have bought it. I tend to look at the cost of food as he usually moans my bill is too high anyway (I buy all the food and usually petrol and all DC's things). Probably also why my food is boring. I figured it would be good for him to see how much the food actually costs to feed us all.

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 08/08/2022 09:14

Why don't you tell him before he sees the credit card bill?
If you've paid off the mortgage surely you have a bit of disposable income each month now so it's fine to spend that on the children as a one off when they need clothing.

You need to set out a budget.

LadyKenya · 08/08/2022 09:20

Why would he want to throw the fish away because he does not want to eat it? What about the rest of the family, they could eat the fish. That is so wasteful, and unnecessary.

girlmom21 · 08/08/2022 09:23

LadyKenya · 08/08/2022 09:20

Why would he want to throw the fish away because he does not want to eat it? What about the rest of the family, they could eat the fish. That is so wasteful, and unnecessary.

Because he made the decision on the use by date

exnewwifeproblems · 08/08/2022 09:24

Why are you making your daughter wait to get underwear that fits and spending such a large amount on one meal?

fyn · 08/08/2022 09:24

Can you look for a local clothes exchange? You drop off your old clothes and can ‘shop’ for whatever you want new. I help to run our local one, it’s absolutely massive and we get masses of really high quality clothes and it costs absolutely nothing. It isn’t just for people struggling, it’s for anybody at all!

boatahoy · 08/08/2022 09:25

Why didn't he just freeze the fish to use later?

ImTheOnlyUpsyOne · 08/08/2022 09:30

Marinate the fish and freeze it, it wl be fine to eat at a later date.

Bootothegoose · 08/08/2022 09:40

exnewwifeproblems · 08/08/2022 09:24

Why are you making your daughter wait to get underwear that fits and spending such a large amount on one meal?

This. Underwear is a fiver - buy your daughter some new knickers. If you can spend £35 on some fish you’re being a miser over underwear.

BarbaraofSeville · 08/08/2022 09:40

Sounds like you need to review your budget together, so you can see what is coming in, prioritise accordingly for irregular expenses like DC clothes and he can see how much things like food shopping and clothes for DC cost.

I know it's only a snapshot, but him paying so much for ingredients for one meal and then just wanting to waste it while complaining about other essential expenses probably illustrates that he hasn't really thought very much about household finances up to now?

Plus why are you overpaying the mortgage if you're struggling with day to day essentials? Overpaying is a good thing to do, unless you're on a really low fix, but only after you can meet normal day to day expenses and have some free cash to pay 'unexpected bills' (most aren't unexpected if you budget properly).

Have a look at:

ukpersonal.finance/flowchart/

www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/budget-planning/

Original poster

ClothesNotFish · 08/08/2022 10:01

Why don't you tell him before he sees the credit card bill?
i have told him I will be buying him some clothes this month.

If you've paid off the mortgage surely you have a bit of disposable income each month now
we've paid off some of it, not all of it, and with the increased interest rates our payments will be almost the same as what we were paying before 😩

Why are you making your daughter wait to get underwear that fits and spending such a large amount on one meal?
Because I buy the clothes and had no spare last month and he was buying the food this week.

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 08/08/2022 10:10

Why overpay mortgage if you then do not have money to buy your dd a £5pack of knickers?
Why do you have no money left? But dh does?
Kids grow and you need disposable income you can access
You going to need to buy new clothes even 2nd hand and underwear probably new every year
Little point having money in the house, you cannot buy underwear when it's stuck in the bricks
Extend mortgage term so monthly payment reduces and fix for 5 years
You can overpay again when dc grown up and got jobs

Sunnyqueen · 08/08/2022 10:16

He could have just frozen it. I don't think it's right to make dd wear to small under for a month as pp said just get cheap from asda or primary. As for other clothes charity shops/car boots are brilliant. Take advantage of the car boots being on over the summer and stock up for winter

girlmom21 · 08/08/2022 10:16

Because I buy the clothes and had no spare last month and he was buying the food this week.

This is bonkers. You say 'DH DD needs some knickers. Can you transfer me £20?'

Imaginary · 08/08/2022 10:30

It's ridiculous to throw away the fish just because he doesn't feel like eating it right now. You could always just freeze it and cook it later.

KangarooKenny · 08/08/2022 10:36

Why didn’t he freeze it ?
I have to say that my DH is equally as frustrating with food waste.

Mally100 · 08/08/2022 10:45

Underwear is just a few quid, yabu tight here.

KettrickenSmiled · 08/08/2022 10:47

I know he's going to moan when he sees the credit card bill....

Moan right back. About spunking £35 on fish that he then decided he'd just throw away.

Is he aware that his DD is wearing underwear that is too small for her? Will he still moan then?

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