To judge my sisters choices?

[ellie09]

I have a younger sister who continuously makes bad choices and its starting to affect our relationship.

She has always been very vulnerable to mental health crises and shacking up with the wrong men. Her past relationships have seen her experience 3 engagements, a boyfriend who refused to leave her house and beat her which results in a restraining order (she knew him for one month) and ending up having a baby with a drug addict who ended up leaving the scene after one month when the baby was born, and social services were involved.

She had left in a while after having the baby before trying to find anyone else (LO is 2 now) but she's reverting back to poor choices yet again. I can say I have made some bad ones, but I at least learned from them and didn't repeat them.

She met a guy online, and on the second date, he was practically moved in to her house. Bearing in mind, she has a LO and she didn't know this guy at all or used to any other person living with them. He's been there over a month now. I have got to know him a little, and he seems OK (for now)

The LO is now calling him her dad, and she doesn't seem to be correcting her, which I told her she needs to do, as he isn't her dad. Any time I call round, he is there as he WFH and she rarely has any time to herself as she's a SAHM.

I was out with her the other week and she told me he asked her about engagement rings?! And she started gushing on about future wedding plans?! She has known this guy for two months! They haven't even been on a "proper" date, the first two were "Netflix in the house" type of dates with the child sleeping in her room.

When she started going on the dating scene again, I told her to just enjoy herself, get out the house and do things like the cinema, dinner, mini golf etc. She had met one guy she went on a few dates with that did exactly this and treated her like a gentleman, but she pushed him away as he wouldn't commit to a relationship after 3 dates. The new guy was on the scene a week later.

Like I've said, I have made mistakes. I moved in a boyfriend after 4 months and it messed up my LO head when it ended 7 months later, so I vowed never to do that again. My current BF, we've been together over a year and have no intentions on moving in or getting engaged etc. We just enjoy our time together.

AIBU to judge her on what shes doing? Every decision she makes doesn't seem to have her LO in mind and I fear she's going to slip back onto a dark road

I’d normally say it’s her life to live but that changes as soon as you have a kid. Incredibly risky to move a new bloke in so soon when she has a very young child.

does he seem alright or is there any sense of controlling behaviour showing?

No controlling behavior from what I can see. He seems grand with the LO, but does seem to be there a lot of the time. When I call for coffee etc I can't even have a private conversation as he is just sitting there as well?

She also quit smoking for a while before meeting him but is now back on that. As far as I know he also likes to smoke some weed, as I have smelt it in the flat she lives in also. Which concerns me, as the LO is always there too. I normally wouldn't judge if it was just what you are doing in your free time when you don't have child in the house, but not when you have responsibility at that certain time, if this makes sense?

I just hear of all these stories of men who end up sexually abusing children and wonder how anyone can let a man they hardly know live in their home with their child? Better yet, you don't know what their temper is like, their past.. It just doesn't sit right with me to be honest, especially as you say, there's a two year old in the house as well

I groaned when I saw that there was a child involved. There's always a poor child involved in these stupid bloody situations

And YANBU. But it's how your sister is and I doubt she's going to change.