Always feeling like an afterthought when sis comes to the county

[hothotsumm]

I'm from Scotland, but live in England.

My sister and BIL only come down to visit us very rarely. My BIL's family also live in England.

I try to go back home as much as I can and always spend time with my sis and her family when I'm there. They're the main reason I go back a lot.

Whenever they come down here, it's like we are a complete afterthought. They organise their entire trip around BIL's family and I'm a complete afterthought who is basically on stand by for whenever they decide they want to come and visit. (If they even come)

It's happened before that they've just called me out of the blue and told me they're on their way and I had no idea. I also never know how long they're staying or anything. Whereas with BIL's family it's all carefully planned out and generally they spend the majority of their time with them.

I get that I happen to go back more frequently. But I always make them a priority. I'm not saying I need to be a priority, but they could at least give me more information on when they're coming and how long they'll stay etc. whenever I try to pin them down, they're really vague about it and I feel like I'm somehow begging for their company. It's very frustrating !

Does anyone get where I'm coming from ? This is AIBU so probably not !

I do, but I wouldn't stand for it. Have you spoken to your sister about it?

It’s awful if people just announce they’re on their way - you might be away or busy.

YANBU. This sounds really hard.

What’s your relationship like with your sis otherwise?
Are you absolutely sure it’s all planned out with BIL’s fam?

Yanbu.

I don't know why Dsis doesn't spend a night with you while they're visiting.

I couldn't imagine visiting inlaws when my Dsis lived near.

Please mention how hurt you are feeling, she deserves to hear it.

I do but have you communicated this to your sister?

It's a bit of a different situation though.

You are going home to Scotland "lots" and prioritising seeing your family. Your BIL is going home to England and prioritising seeing his family.
You moved away. BIL moved away.

if you go back a lot, then maybe they feel they see you much more than BIL's family too.

I'm also the one that moved away, so I expect to do more of the travelling to see my family.

I wouldn’t take this personally if I were you.

sounds like they see BILs family infrequently.

as you visit regularly, they probably don’t see the need to take an extended trip to you.

the Fact your sis feels she can drop in at a moment’s notice suggests you are very close. I would t be offended.

but if it leaves you feeling hurt, maybe tell her? Bet she’d be mortified you felt this way