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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel pissed off with them

8 replies

Rosebel · 07/08/2022 18:53

I actually probably am. So big family party coming up for a milestone birthday for my mum.
Siblings and I had agreed to get a joint birthday present as we weren't really sure what to get. Having heard nothing from anyone I texted on Friday to ask if they wanted me to get the joint present and if we were going to get anything else.
Today around 5 they all began replying and turns out they have all brought extra presents already and have picked up the joint present.
I don't know when they all decided to get extra presents and why they didn't tell me.
Party is on Saturday and I'm working all week but will have to find time to buy extra presents.
Tbh I shouldn't be surprised as they've done similar before (parents 50th wedding anniversary). I don't have a lot of extra money and had budgeted for the joint present but will now have to find extra money from somewhere.
My husband says not to bother with an extra present and to tell siblings I'm pissed off but what's the point?
AIBU to think they could have included me in the decision to buy extra individual presents?
Furious and feel like refusing to go to the party (although obviously I will because I don't want to ruin it for my mum). I just think if I hadn't got in touch with with them I wouldn't even know. Almost feels like a deliberate attempt at humiliating me in front of the wider family.

OP posts:
DaftyLass · 07/08/2022 18:59

Can you still contribute to the joint large gift? Is there a chance your DH could help out with finding an individual gift?
It does sound like some long term communication issues are going on between you and the siblings.

StoneofDestiny · 07/08/2022 19:25

Och - take your mum out for a nice day out as a surprise. That need not cost much beyond your time and a coffee and cake.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 07/08/2022 19:27

Extra gifts can be homemade op... Cake or jam would please me!!

girlmom21 · 07/08/2022 19:35

Can you tell them you're no longer contributing to the joint gift as you were excluded from discussions?

Musicalmistress · 07/08/2022 19:58

Rosebel · 07/08/2022 18:53

I actually probably am. So big family party coming up for a milestone birthday for my mum.
Siblings and I had agreed to get a joint birthday present as we weren't really sure what to get. Having heard nothing from anyone I texted on Friday to ask if they wanted me to get the joint present and if we were going to get anything else.
Today around 5 they all began replying and turns out they have all brought extra presents already and have picked up the joint present.
I don't know when they all decided to get extra presents and why they didn't tell me.
Party is on Saturday and I'm working all week but will have to find time to buy extra presents.
Tbh I shouldn't be surprised as they've done similar before (parents 50th wedding anniversary). I don't have a lot of extra money and had budgeted for the joint present but will now have to find extra money from somewhere.
My husband says not to bother with an extra present and to tell siblings I'm pissed off but what's the point?
AIBU to think they could have included me in the decision to buy extra individual presents?
Furious and feel like refusing to go to the party (although obviously I will because I don't want to ruin it for my mum). I just think if I hadn't got in touch with with them I wouldn't even know. Almost feels like a deliberate attempt at humiliating me in front of the wider family.

My DB & SIL do this at virtually every family event & it drives me bonkers!

SleepingStandingUp · 07/08/2022 20:01

Is the present opening really so public that your Mom will be like "ooh look, a joint present from the kids. Oh and a vase from my eldest Jess, ooh a gorgeous necklace from my son Jake, a wooden carving of me from my youngest John. Oh what, nothing from Jenny?"

Homewardbound2022 · 07/08/2022 20:13

Tell them you have Covid.

girlmom21 · 07/08/2022 20:22

Homewardbound2022 · 07/08/2022 20:13

Tell them you have Covid.

What purpose would that serve?

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