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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is this annoying?

25 replies

TipTopTurvy · 07/08/2022 18:21

Lying reading on the couch. Dh and dd walk in and turn on the football.
I say "it's a bit loud?"
DH responds with "yes, and thats fine, theres another room there if you dont want to hear the noise"

AIBU or would this annoy you and find it rude?

OP posts:
TibetanTerrah · 07/08/2022 18:22

He's got a really shitty attitude.

BreakerOfBras · 07/08/2022 18:22

I would find being spoken to like that very rude, yes.

Brigante9 · 07/08/2022 18:24

Rude! However, is there only one TV room? Presumably you can put on headphones or use another room to read? Your Dh was an arse, tho.

girlmom21 · 07/08/2022 18:27

I don't think it's rude. Don't expect quiet in a communal room then make a passive aggressive statement if someone wants to make noise. If you want them to turn it down just ask.

DandyLandy · 07/08/2022 18:29

You were being annoying a rude

You were in a communal space and made a passive aggressive comment when people came to also enjoy the space

Original poster
TipTopTurvy · 07/08/2022 18:29

There is another tv in another room, but there are no couches.

OP posts:
FawnFrenchieMum · 07/08/2022 18:29

Umm he was a bit rude in how he said it but so was you.
Unless they have another equally good TV, I’d probably expect to be the one that moves if I didn’t like it given you can read anywhere.

Sux2buthen · 07/08/2022 18:30

I wouldn't expect to tiptoe in my living room to be fair.

Original poster
TipTopTurvy · 07/08/2022 18:38

Thank you for the different perspectives.

For the record, I didnt expect them to tip toe, just put it at a slightly lower volume. I am upstairs in the bedroom now and can hear the commentary word for word.

OP posts:
LetHimHaveIt · 07/08/2022 18:48

Is this some sort of Cool Wives bs, whereby the watching of competitive sports at excessive volume, trumps someone's quiet enjoyment of their living room? Someone who, to boot, was there first?

You weren't rude or passive-aggressive; it isn't passive-aggressive to note the volume on the telly is too high. And it clearly is, if you can now hear it upstairs.

He was rude to you in front of your child. I'd be fucked off in your position, too.

girlmom21 · 07/08/2022 18:54

LetHimHaveIt · 07/08/2022 18:48

Is this some sort of Cool Wives bs, whereby the watching of competitive sports at excessive volume, trumps someone's quiet enjoyment of their living room? Someone who, to boot, was there first?

You weren't rude or passive-aggressive; it isn't passive-aggressive to note the volume on the telly is too high. And it clearly is, if you can now hear it upstairs.

He was rude to you in front of your child. I'd be fucked off in your position, too.

It's passive aggressive to tell someone they're doing something wrong rather than just ask them to do something different.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 07/08/2022 18:54

Well if I think the t.v is on too loud I usually say something along the lines of can you turn it down a bit please. If DH then responded as yours did I would think its rude but in response to what you said no I don't think it is rude.

aSofaNearYou · 07/08/2022 19:05

I think it's really pedantic to think "it's a bit loud" is passive aggressive but "can you turn it down" is fine. It's obvious that's what people mean when they say this.

He was rude and inconsiderate (assuming it was actually loud).

DandyLandy · 07/08/2022 19:08

LetHimHaveIt · 07/08/2022 18:48

Is this some sort of Cool Wives bs, whereby the watching of competitive sports at excessive volume, trumps someone's quiet enjoyment of their living room? Someone who, to boot, was there first?

You weren't rude or passive-aggressive; it isn't passive-aggressive to note the volume on the telly is too high. And it clearly is, if you can now hear it upstairs.

He was rude to you in front of your child. I'd be fucked off in your position, too.

In a family home it's simply silly to use a 'who was there first' rule.

This was the only room with a tv and a couch

They wanted to watch sports

The Op has many rooms where she can quietly read a book

TommySaid · 07/08/2022 19:09

I wouldn’t like his tone but the front room with the couch is for watching TV and that trumps reading as reading can be done in any other room.

TwoMonthsOff · 07/08/2022 19:09

Football match noise/commentaries are torture if you aren’t interested, particularly if you were enjoying the tranquility so YANBU

LookItsMeAgain · 07/08/2022 19:10

I'd go back in and turn down the television - saying that you could hear it word for word upstairs.
I'd also be having a word with him (when the kids are not around) saying that you won't put up with being spoken to like that in front of them again. He could have watched the match on another television or in the pub if he wanted to as you were already in the living room.

AnomalousChallenge · 07/08/2022 19:10

“Hey love, do you mind if we watch the football in here?”

That’s all it would have taken.

Ontomatopea · 07/08/2022 19:11

I think his attitude sucks. He should have asked if you'd minded and your reply should have been no go ahead ill read elsewhere.

girlmom21 · 07/08/2022 19:15

aSofaNearYou · 07/08/2022 19:05

I think it's really pedantic to think "it's a bit loud" is passive aggressive but "can you turn it down" is fine. It's obvious that's what people mean when they say this.

He was rude and inconsiderate (assuming it was actually loud).

But saying "Would you mind turning it down a bit please?" is highly likely to get an "oh sorry, yeah of course" response.

It doesn't matter what you mean if you're saying it an a not-so-polite way.

MichelleScarn · 07/08/2022 19:15

TipTopTurvy · 07/08/2022 18:29

There is another tv in another room, but there are no couches.

Is there any seating in this room?

aSofaNearYou · 07/08/2022 19:22

*But saying "Would you mind turning it down a bit please?" is highly likely to get an "oh sorry, yeah of course" response.

It doesn't matter what you mean if you're saying it an a not-so-polite way*

I don't think there is anything impolite about saying "it's a bit loud", unless you're saying it in an awful tone.

girlmom21 · 07/08/2022 19:24

aSofaNearYou · 07/08/2022 19:22

*But saying "Would you mind turning it down a bit please?" is highly likely to get an "oh sorry, yeah of course" response.

It doesn't matter what you mean if you're saying it an a not-so-polite way*

I don't think there is anything impolite about saying "it's a bit loud", unless you're saying it in an awful tone.

I don't know there are many ways that you could say it than don't sound a bit shirty

Nesbo · 07/08/2022 19:28

if someone is quietly enjoying a room and you want to do something loud in there you ask first - “would you mind if we watch the football in here”.

it’s like the lowest level of basic manners. How the hell do people manage to live together if they don’t understand that sort of thing.

aSofaNearYou · 07/08/2022 19:28

I don't know there are many ways that you could say it than don't sound a bit shirty

I think this is just one of those interesting examples where people read into language people use differently, tbh, because I wouldn't see it that way at all.

It would just be similar to saying "it's a bit bright in here" or something like that. The "can you/I turn the light down" is inferred, so it could be argued it's beating around the bush, but I wouldn't see it as shirty. It's just a comment with an implied request.

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