I feel destroyed....is this over for me?

[Anonplease]

I'm 25, I was with my ex partner for 7 years and have recently been diagnosed with genital herpes hsv1. I'm devasted he was my first and cheated earlier this year in March. We stayed together but I just couldn't trust him and the relationship became worse so we ended it. I feel so devasted I don't even know where to turn I feel to ashamed to tell anyone I don't even know what to feel or what to do I don't feel like it has truly sunk in this is now going to affect every relationship I have going forward. He hasn't even apologised sincerely. I don't know what to do I just feel so low every day. Aibu to feel this way? I feel like I've been marked forever now which I guess I have not sure what I'm asking for but I've never felt more alone in a world so big

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Please don’t feel ashamed or anything like that. Sometimes we put our trust on the wrong person, he’s definitely not the right person for you and as time goes on you’ll be glad he’s out of your life.
Please confide in your friends and or family, honestly it will make you feel better, they will help lift some of the weight off your shoulders. You are definitely not alone! I know times are tough but it can only get better from here.
Im assuming you didn’t use protection with the ex which is what’s caused this? When you’re ready to move on and meet someone new, it’s just something you’ll need to address quietly. Some people may be put off but others won’t be. I know it seems scary now but there are support groups out there who you can confide in.

I really can't tell my friends or family I can't bare the embarrassment. We wasn't using protection we had recently bought a property and I thought we were solid I never had any issue with trust before he admitted it because he was ashamed but still doesn't feel like he's sorry for destroying my future I. I so hurt and angry but so depressed and alone.

It’s not you that should feel embarrassed. You did nothing wrong. If you’d been planning a family after moving in together you wouldn’t have been using protection. 🤷‍♀️

Even if you don’t tell loads of people, at least tell one.

I was abused by a family member as a 8-9yo child. I didn’t tell anyone until I was in my 20’s. Once I did, I at least had a couple of allies who had my back if I didn’t want to attend particular family events.

Honestly, find yourself a supporter or two and you’ll definitely feel better.

At 31 I left my husband, had a casual relationship and caught genital herpes hsv1, from a coldsore that he didn't know was coming on. It felt so unfair, i insisted on using condoms yet still this happened. If I'd not used condoms with someone and caught chlamydia that would have been preferable to me because at least it could have been treated and done with!

I felt like you, that life was simply over. I sank in to a deep depression. All i could think about was how i would have to tell literally every man before a sexual encounter, have that conversation again and again.

I was angry at the sexual health nurses for telling me it was nothing. They didn't understand.

Two years later, i have had two minor outbreaks, just one sore, barely noticeable. I had a number of short term casual relationships, only one man rejected me because of my herpes. The conversation became easy. Now I've been in a relationship with a gorgeous man for nearly a year.

Hsv1 is the type that is usual a coldsore so doesn't reoccur to often as genital herpes and shouldn't cause you many issues. Also, a really high percentage of people carry hsv1, and they won't be able to catch it from you. Anyone who has every had a coldsore can't catch it from you.

Have you visited the herpes viruses association website? I would highly recommend you do, and that you consider joining as their resources are fantastic.

It feels like the end of the world, i know it does, I've been there. However, i promise promise promise you it is not. You will find a new relationship, you will have casual sex if you wish, physically it is unlikely to have much of an impact. It has had such a negligible impact on my life. I understand now why the sexual health nurses were so blasé.

Hoping your first outbreak has cleared up, mine was very painful. You'll be okay, honestly. Xx

I'm so sorry to read this, you deserve to be treated better than that. I can imagine it feels incredibly raw, painful and overwhelming right now and it's a lot for you to digest. Breakups can be incredibly tough, particularly when there has been betrayal. I hear that you're also anxious about what this all means for you and your future. It'll be a conversation you'll need to have when dating someone and that might feel scary right now, but you can do so when you feel safe and comfortable enough. I know people who have been in this situation and they have gone on to happily date and have relationships. This doesn't have to get in the way of your life, but I completely appreciate hearing that might not make it feel any easier right now. Be kind to yourself, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Please try and reach out to your friends and family for support, you may also benefit from speaking to a counselor or therapist to help you process this.

Around a quarter of females in the UK and US have genital herpes. I have had genital herpes. There. I said it. In a public forum no less.

You are not ‘marked for life’ nor is it anything to be ashamed of. You will, however, have to have The Conversation with guys and gals you sleep with in the future as it sticks around for at least a decade. It also suppresses your immune system a bit, so you might find yourself a bit under the weather a little more than you’re used to for a few years. Most people don’t even get any symptoms.

Other than that, it’s fine. Get comfortable with it. Know you’re not alone, that millions and millions of other men and women also have it and get along just fine. You, too, are going to be fine.

Thank you all for your kind words. I've never felt so low so ashamed the gp was very caring and emphatic with me but I just feel so down. Reading these posts have made a difference. I don't know if I would ever feel comfortable or confident enough to ever tell anyone which is probably why I feel like my life has changed forever maybe it's being irrational I don't know I'm just struggling I pray with time I feel better it just seems like so far away

I'm so sorry this has happened. I can assure you that this is extremely common and it will get so much easier and you won't think about it after a while. I think there are support groups you can contact Xx

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, OP.

You trusted your partner. That's 100% natural. He let you down. That's 100% on him.

Be angry, not ashamed.
You've done nothing wrong here at all x

You will feel a million times better in time, I promise. And you will tell people. In my experience, very few people care. At all. It's nothing. At the point you are at, i took very little comfort in other people's positive anecdotes. I'm glad you've been able to feel better. They reckon up to 80% of adults have hsv1. Lots won't know about it or have had symptoms. But that doesn't leave that many that don't have it.

I am sorry you are having to deal with this but I think you are really overreacting. A LOT of people have herpes. It's a contagious bugger that never goes away really.
I had a cold sore on my lip first time in my life when I was 11 and my mum had a huge car crash. I woke up next morning with herpes on my face. It did later migrate downstairs. Shall I be ashamed and devastated? Hell no.

Get a grip.

OP has had a terrible shock, feels betrayed and hurt and is facing up to having to disclose a sexually transmitted infection to each new partner for the foreseeable. She does not need to get a grip, she needs support and she needs time. And you need to keep your nasty opinions to yourself.

Herpes is very unlikely to migrate from one part of the body to another. Especially not after the first outbreak. Providing you were sexually active when it 'migrated' it seems more likely you caught HSV2.

I understand how difficult this must be for you, so please be kind to yourself. In time you will feel a lot better, but right now, it's a process of coming to terms with what's happened, so give yourself time.

I had a partner with herpes - he disclosed straight away, advised me to research what it meant regarding risks to me and was totally up front. It didn't put me off him at all.

i am sorry for you OP what a shocker. It is his fault not yours!! do not be embarassed!

does it ever go away? is it contagious to other partners?

I had a herpes flare up, it was AGONY, so painful. The sexual health nurse said I could have had it dormant for many years, and it could have flared up due to immuno suppressant medicine I was prescribed.
It was devastating at the time, but not at all now. It never flares up after the initial shock one.
It is SO common and few people disclose it.

If you met someone you really liked who had coldsores, would you reject them because of it? Many, many people carry the herpes/coldsore virus, either on their face or genitals. Way more than you would think, google 'how many people carry the herpes virus'. Genital herpes is a coldsore, that's it. It never ceases to amaze me the difference between saying 'I have coldsores' and 'I have herpes'. It's the same thing.

Please don't wind yourself up over this, it really isn't worth it. Be honest with future partners obviously, but tell them you get coldsores. I can honestly say that it has never impacted any of my relationships. You'll be ok.

Meant to say as well, I'm sorry that your ex was such a bastard, for a number of reasons, not least herpes . Give yourself time to recover, physically and mentally.