Maintenance Payments

[AVFC69]

Hi

I split with my wife 5 years ago and since then it’s been a rough ride. I’m self employed and always paid for our children. My ex originally seemed to think that i should be awarding her £500 per week whereas that amount was just totally unreasonable. After many arguments i encouraged her to contact the CSA, now known as the CMS. Until that time i gave her £100 per week, i paid for school uniforms, other clothes. I paid for christmas each year, covered birthdays and many many other treats. The CMS returned stating i should pay her £70 per week but i was happy to still keep to our original payment scheme. Covid hit and i was out of work, CMS set my payment to nil but i still kept to the original arrangement. My yearly CMS update is now set at £60 per week, but my arrangement is still £100 per week plus all the extras. My ex is ridiculously bad with money and over the past four years i have had to help her out, i’ve had to make advanced payments which now results in me being two years ahead with maintenance payments. Recently my ex has asked for extra funds for the summer break for the children but at this time i am low on funds. Because i have had a few trips away so far this year she has accused me of being selfish and uncaring. I have not refused to provide funds but she has to wait a week or so but the abuse i now receive from her is unreal. I appreciate everything she does for our children as the resident parent but i hate the abuse and i’ll feeling. I don’t argue with her as there’s just no point but how do i handle this volatile situation. I find this situation very depressing but i just can’t seem to explain my situation to her. Any advise would be truly welcomed. Thank you for taking the time to read this post.

My advice is to carry on as you are and not get drawn into arguments about money. Simply refuse to engage. How many children are there?

I guess it depends on how many children there are and what she needs the extra money for

Children are always more expensive in the summer holidays, unless you do nothing with them, so it seems a bit poor planning on your part not to have anticipated this request. But on the other hand you say she is bad with money and you keep subsidising her so I understand the need to be firm if you don't have the money.

How often do you have the children and can you take them for more time over the summer to help keep her costs down?

Sorry I should of stated, We have two children. A girl 14 and a boy 12.

You say you appreciate how much she does as the resident parent and appear to pay over the required amount so that is good. However many non resident parents do as you do and help with big expenses like uniform as well so that. Is not particularly unusual
I'm wondering about the selfish comment regarding how many times you've been away this year. You are not answerable to your ex for how you live your life but being the non resident parent consists of more than handing an appropriate amount of money over.

Have you taken your children away on any (not all) of these trips away? If you haven't taken the children with you at all maybe that is why she is suguesting you are selfish. It is far more expensive to take kids with you on holiday ( and not alway as much fun or freedom for the adults,) If she always takes them away or can't afford to, regardless of how bad she is with money, then I can see where she is coming from.Shared custody of kids is about more than money. IAs you say you recognise, the resident parent gets more than their fair share of the everyday hard work. You are still the children's dad and things like holidays with dad are often important to kids with separated parents so maybe this is what she means? Of course if you do take them away with you then that's not the problem 😁 People on here only ever hear one side of the story so can only guess 🤔😃