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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To move 30mins away for kids school?

72 replies

dooneby · 06/08/2022 08:14

We've given notice to leave our rental property. We're now in a position to buy and have been viewing some properties.

We've found one that is great value for money but 30 mins away from where we currently live and our kids school and in a lovely rural location.

What we could get for the same money in our area is not great. Tiny, mid-terraced houses in rough areas. That's all that seems to be available just now.

Or they need a lot of work done, we can handle changing the decor but not on top of a new roof, bathroom, kitchen and possibly windows. That's without having the damp investigated in the roof spaces/rendering etc.

We're in a tight spot because we need to leave our rental. We're on the hunt for another rental but there are too many people applying and too few houses.

The kids don't want to move schools understandably, they're both at primary. I was googling it last night and seemingly it can be traumatising having to move schools in childhood!

Family members are telling us it's too far but they aren't being faced with homelessness...

This move would mean my husband would be in the car for 2 hours every school day. That's a lot of dead time, and petrol!

AIBU to consider this move?

OP posts:

Endlesslypatient82 · 06/08/2022 11:25

Honestly

I wouldn’t move. You have one car and your partner will be doing 2 hours (and presumably that’s when roads flowing nicely!) driving a day. Does he work?

and what aboht when they have sports fixtures? After school activities?

have you looked in to the bus service?

Original poster

dooneby · 06/08/2022 11:25

To the PP who asked whether we'd lived rurally before, no we haven't. However, we currently get our food shop online as well as all our other shopping. And use a local shop for the odd thing which we will still have.

We stay at home more often than not.

My mother in law is currently 10 miles away and my husband does that journey several times a week.

OP posts:

MsTSwift · 06/08/2022 11:27

I heard that a study concluded it’s damaging for a child / young person to move more than 3 times. Hence why the army pays for boarding schools. Not once though. Though rural living and teens can be a tricky mix.

Endlesslypatient82 · 06/08/2022 11:28

Is the new property able to be adapted to have someone elderly move in with full time caring needs?

ChampagneCharlieIsMyName · 06/08/2022 11:30

I voted YABU because you are letting the children dictate where they go to school.

my advice would be buy your own home, move their school to the local school and enjoy your rural life.

they will very quickly make new friends.

cushioncovers · 06/08/2022 11:33

I would move schools op

mamatoTails · 06/08/2022 11:36

Definitely consider moving schools. We moved our eldest firstly in Reception - he absolutely loved his new school from the second he stepped in the door and couldn't have cared less about leaving the old school - we'd moved 30 minutes away and the drive was getting extremely boring and seemed longer every day, so we moved to the school in the new area.

And again when he was 10, this time to a completely different country, local school in a foreign language and he again loved it from the first day even though he didn't know much of the language. Kids swamped him wanting to be friends and talk to him.

Kids adapt, and driving there and back every day will soon become a massive chore.

Having friends who live locally and go to school with them will be better: and they'll quickly forget about their old school and friends!

AlwaysLatte · 06/08/2022 11:37

Would they have had a similar journey to secondary school now if they were that age? My two have a similar journey to school (one goes on the bus and the other we take there and back as his school timings mean a lot of waiting for a bus then no seats). It was a drag at first but actually I quite like the school run now. We get to have a proper chat and I try to factor in any errands nearby after drop off/before pickup. You get used to it - primary school was a field away previously so it was a big of a shock at first!

AlwaysLatte · 06/08/2022 11:40

Did posters miss the OP’s partner will be in the car doing the school run for 2 hours a day??
No I didn't - DH and I do this and we're ok with it.

Endlesslypatient82 · 06/08/2022 11:43

AlwaysLatte · 06/08/2022 11:40

Did posters miss the OP’s partner will be in the car doing the school run for 2 hours a day??
No I didn't - DH and I do this and we're ok with it.

You share it

this won’t be shared

AlwaysLatte · 06/08/2022 11:48

this won’t be shared
Sorry I missed that bit. Reading that again I see he would be a carer so it would be tricky being out of the house that long. Presumably then OP would have to be on standby which could make WFH difficult.
Ours is also secondary school and primaries are easier to change, assuming they're not just about to leave to go up.

Threelittlelambs · 06/08/2022 11:49

Why not go and visit the closer schools and at least check there are places and work out what they offer compared to their current school.

They can do taster days - we have new kids all the time and are perfectly adaptable.

I moved DD in year 6 and she thrived!

Original poster

dooneby · 06/08/2022 11:52

@Endlesslypatient82 It doesn't need adapted, it is ready for her with her own living room, kitchen and bathroom.

OP posts:

Endlesslypatient82 · 06/08/2022 11:57

@AlwaysLatte

Secondary school? Don’t your teens have sports fixtures etc?

my two often finish at different times due to clubs / sports fixtures

Endlesslypatient82 · 06/08/2022 11:59

Goodness - 13 miles out you got from a tiny kid terrace in a rough area to a property with a self contained annex!

how does your husband feel about 2 hours travelling a day?

redskyatnight · 06/08/2022 12:01

Move houses and move the children's school. If they have close friends you are still close enough for them to keep in touch (or possibly they have shared clubs they can keep up). 2 hours of driving a day (and what happens if one wants to stay after school and one doesn't. Or one wants to go on a play date with a child living close to school? It will end up more than 2) is going to get too much very quickly. Plus as your children get older they will want the option of seeing friends independently, not for them to live a car drive away.

I moved primary school 5 times and whilst I wouldn't say it was traumatic, I found it very difficult and it's has some lasting impacts as an adult. But moving once (and presumably then moving on to a nearby secondary school with people they know) shouldn't be an issue.

felulageller · 06/08/2022 12:22

It depends on your long term plans.

We've had to move rentals and kept kids in the same schools miles away and ended up with long commutes. But this was because it was only short term, they were much better schools and fed into better secondaries.

But if the new local schools are good just move them. It's no big deal having one move during primary.

Augend23 · 06/08/2022 12:23

How old are the children? I would just move schools for them honestly. The property sounds excellent.

elliejjtiny · 06/08/2022 12:28

We have to do this for 6 months in September. We have no choice but I wouldn't do it if I had any other option.

Original poster

dooneby · 06/08/2022 12:35

@Endlesslypatient82 He says he's okay with it. He'd obviously rather not but we are facing homelessness shortly and could be housed anywhere by the council. Leaving us no choice with area, property type or size, or commute. He used to commute 40 mins away to work then come back at 3am to go back out to take his Mum to work for 8am which was another 40min round trip.

Our plans were to get a small house nearby for about 5 years then buy hopefully our forever home. This one we could stay in longer but I wouldn't say it's our forever home.

We are under pressure as we will be evicted in a few short months and it's looking like we will have to go to the council as homeless. I am looking into all options. Time is not on our side.

OP posts:

Bramblecrumble21 · 06/08/2022 12:37

I'd move and move schools. I travelled a lot as a kid. I loved it but we stopped when we were into important school years for stability (secondary) My older sister found it the hardest, going into yr 5. But there was a culture change,. different countries, you wouldn't get moving just 30 miles. Younger children adapt better, plus your so close, still so some playdates? I think it will get harder to move out when they are older.

CatSpeakForDummies · 06/08/2022 12:41

Move to the house you've found, have MIL move in, change schools and stop googling.

The nature of the internet is that you'd be able to find someone claiming to be traumatised by anything - once seeing a sheep, their mum picking her nose, drinking grapefruit juice when they thought it was orange....

Your kids will benefit from being part of the local community, having DH and MIL right there and less time in the car.

Endlesslypatient82 · 06/08/2022 12:41

Not a chance the council will house you if you have sufficient funds to buy a property (with a self contained annex no less)

drpet49 · 06/08/2022 12:43

YABU to do this with just one car in the household. If I was your husband I never would entertain this.

MRex · 06/08/2022 12:57

It depends onsecondary schools, it can be good for the children to make friends before going. Assuming they would be going with kids from the village and not your old area, it's hard to know without knowing the areas and distances.

One move won't hurt them and you can do play dates with old friends, or arrange a weekend club with close ones.

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