To think my husband has been unfaithful?

[thenewduchessoflapland]

Has my husband been unfaithful?

To explain the situation.

We're a couple in late 30's/early 40's.Have been together since 16/18.No other sexual partners.

Last year I had a smear test that showed I had HPV.First time this has shown on a smear test since I have been having them.I've always been faithful to my DH.He swears he's never been unfaithful.

Anyway I've a year on had a repeat smear which is standard when a positive HPV result has been detected.I mentioned to the nurse that I'm perplexed at how I contracted it to which she said "oh it can lay dormant for anywhere up to 15 years and you may have contracted it from a previous partner to which I replied I've been with DH for over 20 years.

The thing is my DH is capable of lying to me;he has form for it,he can be very irresponsible,he doesn't like condoms and if he's been unfaithful he's very likely not used one and we went through a very rough patch pre lockdown where he was spending a lot of time staying over on his days off at a friends house in another county,disappearing communication wise for up to 24 hours and behaving very badly towards me as if he was comparing me to someone else.

During this time I did opening ask him if he was cheating and he was adamant he hadn't.

Am I being ridiculous?,is there another way I could have contracted HPV without it being sexually transmitted;can it be something that can develop or am I being stupid?

If it walks like a duck....

Let’s be honest.

it’s extremely unlikely you caught it from putting your vagina on bare surfaces at places like the gym (I glanced at the article above).

he more then likely had cheated, yes.

When my exDP gave it to me, he was indignant. Accusing me of all sorts. Omitting to mention the prostitutes and secret other life. Apparently all my fault. Who’d have think it eh?

@Aquamarine1029 “also”. Have a fucking word with yourself love.

You don’t think that there’s any way that she could have caught it from performing oral sex on a man’s penis then?

Who puts their bare VG on places like that?;that's definitely a nope from me;could you imagine the sign?;"please don't put your bare genitals on the bench in case you give another woman a STD"

Exactly. I mean it may happen 0.0000001% of the time but I think it’s extremely unlikely anyone catches HPV at the gym.

Considering you have been together for so long... I would assume he cheated

To a pp;
Oh Come on... giving a guy a blow job is not the same as having sex.

@thenewduchessoflapland I think from what you have described during your rocky patch and the fact that he lies to you easily he probably has been unfaithful unfortunately. It sounds like you maybe don’t have a huge amount of respect for him or trust in him- would that be fair to say?
Just from your brief description I imagine him as being like a teenager but you seem like a grown up.
I suppose what I’m getting at is, do you think even if he’s turned out to be faithful you might not be delighted with the relationship in any case?

It can be transferred via the mouth so I am guessing you both kissed others before you got together

HPV can be passed by intimate skin to skin contact - you don't have to have sex or oral to catch it. Condoms don't stop it.

It's fair to say following the rocky patch which lead to a temporary separation whilst living under the same roof (separate rooms) I have had trust issues,he behaved very badly towards me and violated my trust.It's very long and complicated to explain on this post but at the time the support I received here helped in those very dark moments.

And he is like a teenager;he has ADHD and is very self indulgent;he doesn't see the issue with doing as he pleases even to the detriment of others.I've stuck it out because he's the father of kids and I do love him.

Things have improved vastly since the pandemic started,he's been much more present and considerate,he's seen now first hand how much work goes into running our home and looking after our family and he's had some counselling and we've had couples counselling;so you can imagine I'd be devastated if the HPV is a result of being unfaithful.

My doctor said that any infections and viruses can be transmitted from things like door handles, doors, the things you hold on the tube! Anything we all touch. He said men can catch things especially easily as they need to touch their penises when they pee. So someone gross doesn't wash their hands, touches a door handle, and another guy comes along and opens the same door, and the later needs to pee and obvs touches his penis to do so. It sounds really odd writing it down now but he seemed certain and he's generally a very experienced, good, and reliable doctor.

He cheated. Adding up the sleeping away, not communicating and the fact that HPV is a sexually transmitted disease that lots of people don’t know they even have because they never develop genital warts or notice them all add up to him cheating. Hope you had a full STD check and your husband does as well. I would never trust him again.

Using condoms can prevent HPV, but there is a chance of getting it even with condom use.

HPV can cause cervical cancers - do your research. I am not sure if it can effect the health of your unborn child - please ask your obstetrician.

I'm not pregnant nor am I planning on getting pregnant either

It can be spread from skin to skin contact, such as holding hands of something with someone who has it, so not necessarily sexual contact. X

You clearly don't trust him now. So what are you going to do?