Telling people why you can't make it

[dottypotter]

If you can't make an event or a suggested meet up with a friend or family member do you tell them why or just say I can't make it?
Do you feel like you need to say I can't make it because xyz is happening or it just saying I can't make it enough?

In my experience it is better just to say you can't make it because 1) all they care about is if you can or not 2) if your plans change you might look like a liar 3) if you do make an excuse / tell a while lie it might come out.

For friends and family I say why, for work events not usually unless my presence would normally be expected and it would be unusual for me not to attend.

Have you already agreed to it? If so I think you need to explain what's changed.

I'd probably give a reason in any case - otherwise it looks a bit like you don't want to go.

If I'm saying no when they invite me then I would just say sorry, I'm not available.

If I was cancelling on them, I'd give a reason.

Depends what it is. If it's someone's wedding or their child's christening (or any other, important, one off event), it's nice to say that, unfortunately, that's the same day as your brother's wedding so you won't be able to make it.

Otherwise it's quite all right to say "Unfortunately I won't be able to make this. I hope you have a great time!" Otherwise you risk having people explain how to fit their thing in and come up with reasons that you should definitely do the thing they want to do.

I normally give a reason because I'm a people pleaser and they normally whine and talk me round with the guilt trip so I would say I forgot I already had something that day and I need to go.
It may be a lie but I'd rather that than be backed into a corner or persuaded into going 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

Usually this unless it's something super private

If I genuinely have other plans I will say what they are. If I simply don't want to go I'll tell them I just don't want to go.