Feeling such guilt over stopping breastfeeding

[Belle82]

I don’t particularly want to stop and I know I am being selfish in doing so especially as my little one has cows milk allergy (soy and egg too) so has to have this revolting hypoallergenic formula.

I am crumbling, I had PND with my 1st and this time it’s even worse.

My marriage is rock bottom & my relationship with my 4 year old is not good at the moment.

I am on medication for my epilepsy which although safe, when combined with anti depressants it has a sedative effect and a study has shown can seriously impact baby’s breathing.

I haven’t come to this choice lightly and it is nothing to do with the restricted diet I have to be on.

I have to make the choice which breaks my heart to keep my family together. 😔

I just can’t deal with the level of guilt I feel every time he reaches out to feed from me. 😔

I'm the biggest pro breastfeeder, but hand on heart it's absolutely the right decision for you. He will be fed, he will be loved and he will be fine - he will never remember how he was fed. He will remember that you love him and will always look after him. Try to throw that guilt far, far away.

Your children need your love and attention more than your baby needs the benefits of breastmil over formula. You need epilepsy meds and anti depressants to be healthy so that takes priority. You are taking the best option for you and for your family.
I fed my baby well into toddler hood and I am very pro breastfeeding and didn’t want to use any formula at all if possible. But if I had found myself in the same situation as you are in, I would have switched to formula immediately.
You’re doing the right thing OP. This is what you and your kids need.

But why? Millions of babies are FF and are perfectly fine. You are playing this guilt upon yourself. Your child won't be getting second best. Your mh is far far more important here. She will be fine.

What was your feeding journey like with DC1 if you don’t mind me asking? I’m on my final week of tapering bf with 3mo DS for a combination of reasons but one of the reasons I don’t feel as wretched as I did last time (also stopped around 3m) is that I look at my absolutely spectacular 2 year old and think ‘you are perfect and you moved onto formula at this stage, it’s not the devil’.

If you bf DC1 longer then is it a guilt thing about treating them differently? I just ask as I think knowing what’s causing the feelings of guilt is the first step towards resolving/rationalising it.

I genuinely understand, I felt the same when I stopped at 9 weeks with my first but I was beyond exhausted. He was 10lbs 5ozs when born and needed a LOT of milk. I ended up being psychotic with lack of sleep so I definitely made the right choice!

I’ve just decided to stop breastfeeding my baby as I need to go back on my medication. It’s sad, and I feel sad but my baby is healthy and loved and thriving and I will be happier when back in my meds. You’re doing the right thing ♥️

I wish I'd had your strength to make this decision. I ended up with severe depression after battle on and on with breast feeding - making first year of babies life awful looking back.

Thank you, it is such a hard decision.
I fed him via breast last night (because I was maybe going to keep one feed)
It was a bad selfish decision, he didn’t know why he then had bottles during the night.
I know that feed last night will have to have been my last but it’s breaking my heart.
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@WaterMeloncholy could I ask if it’s sertaline you are going back onto?
@Hankunamatata i’m so sorry, did you get the help you needed?

@boymama82 i am feeling I am going the same way. I had a few nights of insomnia mixed with night wakings and I felt so on edge.

@Jenny70 & @Thewheelsfalloffthebus thank you, this really does make me feel a lot more secure in my decision

@Mally100 i completely agree, this is not a fed is best point. This is a special feeling I got with him and I feel guilty taking that away.

@ShadowPuppets my little girl didn’t feed during the night anymore and in the day she was so distracted she never fed from me past 8 months old. She choose to wean from me in a way.
My little boy hasn’t, he still wants to and it’s me who is taking it away.
It just feels selfish to take something he loves so much because of my mental health.😔