Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Cleaning lady worried to lose custody of her children

18 replies

Possiblynotever · 05/08/2022 10:10

I have a lovely lady who helps me some Saturday mornings. She just went back to her country and returned with her three children. The oldest os not yet 16. The youngest is 9.
She told me that she will not come to me anymore as she does not have anyone looking after her kids and that the eldest not being 16 cannot be in charge.
Apparently a friend of hers has been deferred to social services for the same thing.
I find it bewildering considering the age of the children. If this is true ( and she looks totally sincere to me and quite scared)
AIBU to consider this total madness?
The lady has to provide for her kids, and they seem old enough to me
..

OP posts:

sueelleker · 05/08/2022 10:34

www.nidirect.gov.uk/articles/leaving-children-home-alone#:~:text=babies%2C%20toddlers%20and%20very%20young,NSPCC%20website

joojitzoo · 05/08/2022 10:40

A 15 year old with 14 to10 years old age middle child and then the youngest 9 years old to be left alone on a SATURDAY MORNING for a few hours .. Social Services wouldn't remove them for that.
You mentioned she went to another country presumably her English isn't great and she misunderstood the rules around leaving children in the UK. Either way she's incorrect if it's literally just saturday morning for a few hours.
Do you want her to bring her children? Could you work with her on another time that she has childcare? Would she come back when it's school term? if she's particularly good i'd try and work something out if she's just alright i'd find someone new and let her sort her own life out.

DenholmElliot1 · 05/08/2022 10:42

She doesn't want to do it. The kids are just an excuse. Who has been looking after them till now?

Saturday morning is a really strange time for a cleaner to come could you make it a week day so she can at least come on term time. She's probably hankering after bringing the youngest kid to work with her to be honest.

alnawire · 05/08/2022 10:43

She doesn't want to do it. The kids are just an excuse.

This. You are overthinking.

Original poster

Possiblynotever · 05/08/2022 12:32

It's Saturday morning because she works the rest of the week. For many of us, Saturday morning is a working time.I do not think that it is an excuse as I think she likes me and, more importantly, needs the money.
I think she is scared and, as someone pointed out, her English is rather plain and worries not to be able to explain herself in case there is a problem

OP posts:

DenholmElliot1 · 05/08/2022 12:59

And who has been looking after them till now?

Hoppinggreen · 05/08/2022 13:03

It’s fine for her to leave them.
Either it’s an excuse or she is misunderstanding the situation

bridgetreilly · 05/08/2022 13:10

And who has been looking after them till now?

Someone in her home country. Do people not even bother to read the OP any more?

alnawire · 05/08/2022 14:14

I do not think that it is an excuse as I think she likes me and, more importantly, needs the money.

I don't really think it matters whether she likes you or not, however the fact that she does means it more likely to be an excuse.

She doesn't want to come anymore because she doesn't want to leave her children. That's it. You are over stepping the mark by discussing the legalities of this with her. Your response should have been 'oh I'm sorry to lose you, if you ever need reference don't hesitate to ask' followed by 'good luck'.

Bubblebubblebah · 05/08/2022 14:20

She waa most likely told it's a lwa rather than recommendations. Lots of people believe there is actually a law about this

liveforsummer · 05/08/2022 14:23

I popped to work yesterday and left my 12 and 9 year old who took themselves off to the local cinema with a couple of friends. It's absolutely fine with a dc who is nearly 16. She's mistaken but probably wants some time with her kids too

concernedguineapig · 05/08/2022 14:29

It's fine to leave them.

You could offer that she could bring the youngest.

She may just be using it as an excuse though. She might just want to spend more time with them

Original poster

Possiblynotever · 06/08/2022 07:31

Thanks to all, you shed some light. She actually just brought the over from her country so probably do not speak English and I think she would be right in worrying that, if anything happens, there might be a language barrier.
I also think it is probable that she wants to spend more time with them, which is a wonderful thing to do.
As to me overstepping my place, it is possible and it is a fair point as I have witnessed in the past some heavy social services muscle against women who, with no education, simply did their best, to no avail. It was not in the UK.
I will have a chat with her and see if there is any way I can help her.

OP posts:

Summerholidays204949393 · 06/08/2022 07:36

She deffo has nothing to worry about in terms of social care if it’s as simple as that , she might have heard some scare stories from other people.
however say her house was in squalor, her children at risk of emotional / physical harm and neglected- leaving them to work would add onto that factor.

alnawire · 06/08/2022 07:57

will have a chat with her and see if there is any way I can help her.

So you don't actually recognise you are overs stepping?

She has basically handed in her notice, used the kids as an excuse to avoid any questions but still you think she is in need of help and you want to have a chat?

You are being way too intrusive. She quit the job, leave her alone.

Ontomatopea · 06/08/2022 08:00

Just leave her alone ffs. She's quit, just accept it.

Bubblebubblebah · 06/08/2022 09:10

Yeah, someone told her that. I am on some immigrant groups and you wouldn't believe what some smartarses misinterpreted and now tell it to newcomers as an absolute fact and gospel while most of us are rolling eyes and try to give them cirrect information.

Like taxes. No, you don't get ALL taxes back if you are leaving back to eu ffs🙄 I have seen very many things about kids which are an advoce by NSPCC put forward as a law and not adhering will bring social services to your door.

She probably ended up meeting some of hese smartarses. Nothing much you can do really. I eould write her an email maybe with the correct information saying you don't want her to worry unnecessarily and wish her good luck.She can use translator on that

Original poster

Possiblynotever · 08/08/2022 08:34

There is truly no need to be so aggressive just because I said that I would have helped..showing kindness to someone who is obviously distressed is not overstepping is just being kind.
I have told her that once she feels that her children are adequately looked after she can call me again.
It is nice to be nice.

OP posts:

Flip