To leave my NCT group

neshtastic · 2022-08-05T06:44:26+00:00

I joined a new NCT group with my second because we had moved to a new city. I wanted to make friends etc. Unfortunately, because it was an online course (covid era!) everyone is fairly spaced out, about 30/40 mins away from me. I have an older child which means I'm just not as flexible or available as the others and as such it's not turning out as I'd hoped. The group is fairly active, chats about feeding, sleeping and weaning. As this is my second, I have absolutely no interest in these subjects. No criticism of them, my original NCT was the same and I enjoyed it the first time round. AIBU to leave? How can I leave without being rude?

easyday · 05/08/2022 08:01

Well sure. Just stop logging on, email or text the leader (or whomever) to say thank you but you won't be attending anymore. They don't know you no big deal.

Original poster

neshtastic · 05/08/2022 08:54

I mean the WhatsApp group, they do know me

OP posts:

whereamu · 05/08/2022 08:55

Just put the group on mute and don't reply anymore/leave it ages to reply.
Do you pay to still be a member?

whateveryouwantmetosay · 05/08/2022 08:55

Just stop replying. I did the same with both NCT groups (email back then!) and just moved on and made my own friends.

Mardyface · 05/08/2022 08:56

You could post a message saying roughly what you've said here, that you've enjoyed being them but it isn't working for you and you wish then all well. Then wait for a day for them all to say 'bye' or be silent and leave the group. Or you could just leave it because they'll probs say the same thing when you've gone either way. You won't be there though so it doesn't matter.

luxxlisbon · 05/08/2022 08:57

You can just mute the group. If it’s mostly just a chat and you’ve barely met in person you don’t have to make a big thing of it.

Muppethotel · 05/08/2022 08:58

Do you really need to leave the group? How old are the kids? Could you just mute the group? It might be that you find yourself wanting the company / chats at some point, even if months down the line

our NCT chat is now quiet. No one hates eachother.

I’ve found myself on a mums group for kids a few years older. I’ve muted it, but occasionally it’s nice to chat

Putonyourshoes · 05/08/2022 08:59

Just leave? If you want to say bye and wish them well that you could do that but otherwise there’s nothing wrong with just leaving the group. Especially as it doesn’t seem as though you’ve made any actual friends, you don’t owe them anything and I doubt they have got to know you well enough to care

Original poster

neshtastic · 05/08/2022 09:01

whereamu · 05/08/2022 08:55

Just put the group on mute and don't reply anymore/leave it ages to reply.
Do you pay to still be a member?

It's on mute etc, I just don't want it pinging on my WhatsApp

OP posts:

Legoisaws8om · 05/08/2022 09:04

Just say a friendly goodbye and leave. You don't want to see them anyway so what are you worried about?

frozenorangejuice · 05/08/2022 09:05

I left my NCT WhatsApp group as it was all just getting a bit much and I didn’t find it very supportive anymore. I just sent a message saying I was very busy with life (we were going through big family stuff at the time) and couldn’t devote much time to the group (which was a very active one with multiple messages a day). I’ve heard from only one Mum since and only really in passing. I had thought some real friendships would develop out of belonging to the group seeing as we were all in the white heat of early motherhood and beyond but alas it wasn’t to be. Just goes to show sometimes the only thing you have in common with other Mums is that you had a baby around the same time!

Original poster

neshtastic · 05/08/2022 09:05

I would have wanted to meet up if it was more convenient! It's a shame.

OP posts:

Original poster

neshtastic · 05/08/2022 09:08

frozenorangejuice · 05/08/2022 09:05

I left my NCT WhatsApp group as it was all just getting a bit much and I didn’t find it very supportive anymore. I just sent a message saying I was very busy with life (we were going through big family stuff at the time) and couldn’t devote much time to the group (which was a very active one with multiple messages a day). I’ve heard from only one Mum since and only really in passing. I had thought some real friendships would develop out of belonging to the group seeing as we were all in the white heat of early motherhood and beyond but alas it wasn’t to be. Just goes to show sometimes the only thing you have in common with other Mums is that you had a baby around the same time!

I'm still friends with my original group but they're all in the south east however I don't seem to have much in common with this lot

OP posts:

HikingforScenery · 05/08/2022 09:08

neshtastic · 05/08/2022 09:01

It's on mute etc, I just don't want it pinging on my WhatsApp

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If it’s on mute, how’s it still pinging?
How about archiving it?
I wouldn’t go announcing your departure though.

RidingMyBike · 05/08/2022 09:08

It's just a WhatsApp group, I'd leave it, probably saying something about being too busy or wanting to focus on something more local. Then find some local in-person toddler groups to go to as you'll be more likely to find people in a similar situation?

Hardbackwriter · 05/08/2022 09:12

I think if you're sure you're done with the group it's better to say so and leave (I'd emphasise the distance rather than that first-time parents are a bit tedious when you're on your second, even though they are!) - if you just mute forever it creates the weird situation where you're in their group, increasingly as a stranger, and they don't know whether you're still reading but no one will want to remove you. This happened with a similar group I was in - there were two women who stopped coming to anything or participating in any way, but they were still in the Whatsapp of what became an increasingly close group and it was a bit weird not knowing if they were seeing personal stuff, pictures of our kids, etc once we'd not seen them in a couple of years.

frozenorangejuice · 05/08/2022 09:18

neshtastic · 05/08/2022 09:08

I'm still friends with my original group but they're all in the south east however I don't seem to have much in common with this lot

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That’s really good. We moved away and the distance means I would never really be in the area anymore - plus no family there so no reason to return. Thankfully have made new mum friends where I am, who I feel a bit more connected to. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

minuette1 · 05/08/2022 09:42

Why is Whatsapp still pinging if it's on mute? If you archive the chat you won't see it in your list of chats. If you really don't want to see these people again then just leave the group - if you don't participate anyway will they even notice? Might be nice for your kid to be invited to the birthday parties etc though. But really life is too short to worry about this kind of thing!

minuette1 · 05/08/2022 09:44

Hardbackwriter · 05/08/2022 09:12

I think if you're sure you're done with the group it's better to say so and leave (I'd emphasise the distance rather than that first-time parents are a bit tedious when you're on your second, even though they are!) - if you just mute forever it creates the weird situation where you're in their group, increasingly as a stranger, and they don't know whether you're still reading but no one will want to remove you. This happened with a similar group I was in - there were two women who stopped coming to anything or participating in any way, but they were still in the Whatsapp of what became an increasingly close group and it was a bit weird not knowing if they were seeing personal stuff, pictures of our kids, etc once we'd not seen them in a couple of years.

Why not just create a new group without the two lurkers? I wouldn't have been comfortable sharing photos etc with people who had become strangers..

Hardbackwriter · 05/08/2022 11:15

Someone did in the end, but they sort of faded out so it wasn't clear when they were never going to communicate again until quite some time had passed!

I actually know a guy who has been in a WhatsApp group that was originally set up for his brother-in-law's stag do but which has become that friendship group - basically strangers to him - main form of communication and daily chat. He has been silently lurking in this group for TEN YEARS and says he is now quite invested in all their lives...