I know it sounds dramatic but I almost feel like I'm in an abusive relationship with her.
DD2 is 14. We are a single parent family. She suffers from anxiety and we have put a lot if effort into trying to help. She is currently having private counselling.
But she treats me like absolute shit. Almost all the time. She sneers at me. Cringes from me. Constantly tells me off. For breathing too loud. Making noises. Coughing.
Nothing I ever do seems to be enough.
We are currently on holiday just the 2 of us. In a very nice very expensive city. This morning on a tour she was charming and chatty to everyone else. Since then she has blanked me. Monosyllabic answers. We did an activity which was strained and painful.
Everything I've suggested or tried to speak to her has got monosyllabic answers. We ate dinner in silence.
And when I eventually give up, feeling sad and defeated. She then wants to know what's wrong with me. When I point out that she's barely spoken to me in 5 hours I'm being ridiculous.
We've now stormed off in opposite directions. She's gone back to the hotel. She's fine it's very safe 2 mins away.
I am sat outside the ice cream place crying. Every time this happens I swear I won't bother again. But of course I'm the parent so I do. But it's so very wearing.
AIBU?
AIBU to hate my 14yr old
memorial · 04/08/2022 22:29
Am I being unreasonable?
297 votes. Final results.
POLLlemonsaretheonlyfruit · 04/08/2022 22:59
I really understand. And it's so much worse when you have made an effort to do something so lovely that should be a bonding experience for the 2 of you. My DD (just 15) has very similar traits and also has anxiety and depression. She is Superb at masking in all sorts of social situations and with new people. But when she's had home she is often moody, uncooperative and wants to be on her own. I think she's frustrated with the world that it takes her so much effort and it's so draining just trying to fit in. Then she knows she can fall apart with me and not have to put on a show. She also struggled with other people's chewing/ breathing etc.
She was diagnosed with ASD a few months ago. Obviously impossible to tell if that's a possibility with your DD but has it ever been mentioned. Girls are excellent maskers and they sound as if they have similar things going on.
I hope you manage to have some moments of brightness on the remainder of your trip. I would consider removing yourself from her for a couple of hours (if you are in a safe place to do that) if it happens again. Go off and treat yourself to something to try and distract yourself. I know that's hard though.
Muminabun · 04/08/2022 22:41
Your dd sounds very down and depressed. Showing you the real feelings but masking to everyone else. Rather than counselling what about a proper psychotherapist. A holiday is a lot of pressure for an anxious teen maybe knock those on the head until she is feeling better.
teanbiscuitio · 04/08/2022 23:23
Why do you let her get away with bring rude to you? She does it because she knows you'll put up with it.
No fucking way would my DD be going off on a jolly holiday with me if she's that rude.
lollipoprainbow · 05/08/2022 07:58
@Goldencarp @teanbiscuitio you both clearly no nothing about ASD so suggest you don't comment any further.
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