To not organise playdates over the holidays?

Luluuuuuuuuuu85 · 2022-08-04T20:44:43+00:00

I have two children and a new baby and I am feeling a lot of mum guilt right now... I don't tend to organise playdates for my two older children with school friends over the holidays and I am wondering if this is the norm? We go on days out, they have been to holiday clubs and we meet up with my friends and their kids on occasion. I find playdates with school friends stressful tbh- I don't know the parents very well and having more than three kids without their parents running around my house brings me out in a cold sweat 😰. They haven't been invited on any playdates this summer yet and this adds to the guilt- should I make more of an effort? TIA

LibrariesGiveUsPower · 04/08/2022 21:45

Do whatever makes your life easier. No guilt.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 04/08/2022 21:45

Only if you are hoping for some in return. Isn’t that why people do them?

DesignerRecliner · 04/08/2022 21:48

I do play dates for both DC over the holidays as I like the parents and only invite the polite, well behaved children. I actually prefer to host as I'm a homebody, but happily accept return invites. If you don't see their friends at all over the holidays it may be more difficult come September

Whatsagirlsgottado · 04/08/2022 21:48

I hate play dates altogether op. I do them because I feel I have to though. I did a lot just before the school holidays, so my children have been invited to theirs this summer. 😅

I wish I didn't have to do them though.

BiscoffSundae · 04/08/2022 21:56

We don’t either as my kids don’t have any friends at school so no play dates we just do days out

Dalaidramailama · 04/08/2022 21:59

I have to laugh my kids used to go to a school in an affluent area and this is where I picked up the term “play dates”. They had plenty of them but my god what a ballache. I just did it because it was the norm.

They changed school and areas and one where the words “play dates” would have made me sound like a right twat and the joyful thing is they’ve never ever had another play date since.

Result.

Stopandlook · 04/08/2022 22:00

I’m with you there. I loved the break from play ground politics the summer holiday brought.

Now they are a bit older they arrange themselves to meet friends at the park or I might be offer to take a friend when they go out swimming or something and it’s all easier.

Kite22 · 04/08/2022 22:04

You have a new baby.
Do whatever makes your life easy.

magaluf1999 · 04/08/2022 22:24

I prefer to arrange to meet people out rather then have them over.

RainyDays22 · 04/08/2022 22:25

We don't do them either. I did a few and never got any back in return so don't bother anymore.
My kids are happy with days out. No guilt here.

iloveyankeecandle · 04/08/2022 22:28

When I just had one I used to organise and be asked for play dates. Now I've got two it's just so much hassle!

stealthninjamum · 04/08/2022 22:30

It depends how old your dc are and how self sufficient. When mine were younger It would be hard work setting up activities and cooking healthy foods but today we had a child over, they made slime and I just served them a frozen pizza and strawberries. If you are able to do it I do think it’s beneficial for children and the best bit is it’ll be reciprocated so you can have a break from the older ones.

ThinWomansBrain · 04/08/2022 22:32

If you don't have a queue of other parents begging yours to visit on playdates, .they clearly feel the same way that you do.
ANd probably holding theur breath that no one asks!

Wishyfishy · 04/08/2022 22:36

Do whatever works for your family.

With the days out and clubs it sounds like your DC do a lot as it is. Honestly mine are mostly playing in the garden, in a nearby wood or in the leisure centre swimming pool. Given we’re doing so little (although I have to say, they seem to be having a great time) I should do more play dates but I do find them a bit hard work. I’m expecting that we’ll total 3 or 4 over the whole summer.

UnicornsDoExist · 04/08/2022 22:36

My brother is always giving me an earache about this. His wife is a psychologist and believes in a play date at least every other week! To help them socialise. I’m a terrible person for not following her advice 🙄 the people around us don’t do them. I might invite a girl over before the start of term or I might take them to the movies so I don’t have to stress about tidying the house beforehand.

MissMaple82 · 04/08/2022 22:40

BiscoffSundae · 04/08/2022 21:56

We don’t either as my kids don’t have any friends at school so no play dates we just do days out

They don't have friends at school???? Thars concerning

Dalaidramailama · 04/08/2022 22:42

@UnicornsDoExist

Ha!! the psychologist I work with advocates keeping kids closer to family as opposed to friends. Take it all with a pinch of salt. They’re not experts no one is, and there’s always always a contrasting point of view so the best thing is to just suit yourself.

SkankingWombat · 04/08/2022 23:11

Just do what suits you, there aren't any hard or fast rules IME. I don't mind the odd one or two as I find my DCs bicker less and I can get jobs done when they have someone new to annoy play with. Only you will know if it would cause more or less work for you with a friend in the house.
My DCs have been for one so far and we're hosting a different DC tomorrow, but we have no others planned. That feels like enough when combined with other outings, holidays, and meet ups with friends at the park.

BiscoffSundae · 04/08/2022 23:14

MissMaple82 · 04/08/2022 22:40

They don't have friends at school???? Thars concerning

Show quote history

They have asd, made my own post about it but was told that I shouldn’t try to do anything about it 🤷‍♀️

UnicornsDoExist · 05/08/2022 00:02

Dalaidramailama · 04/08/2022 22:42

@UnicornsDoExist

Ha!! the psychologist I work with advocates keeping kids closer to family as opposed to friends. Take it all with a pinch of salt. They’re not experts no one is, and there’s always always a contrasting point of view so the best thing is to just suit yourself.

I was going to a therapist for awhile and she said the same as you, she was against them, particularly sleepovers!

BugsInTheBed · 05/08/2022 00:08

My kids would be really sad at 6 weeks without seeing anyone to play with!!! So we arrange to meet up with others/have people over /etc every few days.

It was most days when they were small!

Kite22 · 05/08/2022 00:16

There's probably a bit of a divide here between parents of onlies, and parents of 2,3,4 or more dc.

My kids would be really sad at 6 weeks without seeing anyone to play with!

See, my dc wouldn't go 6 weeks without anyone to play with.
We'd be away for one of the weeks.
There would probably be some event or BBQ or weekend away or some activity or trip arranged by Cubs or Beavers
We'd meet up with my dsis and her dc (ie cousins) more than once
They would see friends at Church
We would spend odd days visiting friends in different parts of the country (or they us)
They would play with the dc from next door
Occasionally someone might ask me to look after their dc for an afternoon when they needed to be somewhere
If the worst came to the worst, they would play with each other.

BugsInTheBed · 05/08/2022 00:20

I dont have an only but we dont have cousins/friends in the same way. My childrens friends are mainly school friends and so they want to see them. They do scouts but not on in the holidays. So yes 6 weeks without playing with friends would be horrible. And its much more fun to go the park/NT with a friend (and another adult in my case to talk to/have coffee with!)

Obviousky its different if you happen to live near cousins and they happen to be of the same stage and age to play with.

Tigofigo · 05/08/2022 00:44

UnicornsDoExist · 04/08/2022 22:36

My brother is always giving me an earache about this. His wife is a psychologist and believes in a play date at least every other week! To help them socialise. I’m a terrible person for not following her advice 🙄 the people around us don’t do them. I might invite a girl over before the start of term or I might take them to the movies so I don’t have to stress about tidying the house beforehand.

A "playdate" every other week is only 3 times over the summer holidays though, that seems doable - and presumably means any kind of meaningful social interaction with other children, rather than having a child to your house or vice versa?

Dalaidramailama · 05/08/2022 22:19

@UnicornsDoExist

How interesting. My 10 year old DD has been asking if she can have friends round to sleep and I’ve said no. She had a sleepover at her friends house and they didn’t go to bed until 4am. I have two other kids and our house just isn’t big enough for giggling girls to be up until 4. So it’s a no! Too disruptive and I just cannot be bothered.

She does well socially so I’m not worried.