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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sandwich

6 replies

Shudahaddogs · 04/08/2022 20:55

Just need to vent, be kind.

I have teenagers and an elderly parent. He lives a good life ,money no problem his wife died 2 years ago and because she was a nutter i had very limited contact with my dad, just because it would make her upset he spent any time with me or my children he stopped bothering or spending time with us. But now shes gone I cannot do anything right with all of them. Iam it appears the sandwich generation with an elderly parent and two teenagers. My children's father has decided to pay whatever is left over from his new family to give me . I have no money for my children, and I have no time for my elderly parent. I work, i live hand to mouth. I saw my dad today who said I don't clean his house for him iam useless .I have a brother...single lives just too far enough away to be bothered with him...I used to be my own person. Now am constantly not pleasing anyone aibu who comes first ??

OP posts:
Summerhasbeenandgone · 04/08/2022 21:05

You need to come first op. Teenagers can become self sufficient if necessary.. They simply opt not to.
Ring the local council for outside help for your df.
Learn to keep you right imo.

Original poster
Shudahaddogs · 04/08/2022 21:15

Summerhasbeenandgone · 04/08/2022 21:05

You need to come first op. Teenagers can become self sufficient if necessary.. They simply opt not to.
Ring the local council for outside help for your df.
Learn to keep you right imo.

Acually your right and someone else saying it makes the difference. Thankyou !

OP posts:
Summerhasbeenandgone · 04/08/2022 21:19

I was up to the eyes earlier with a carpet cleaner and multiple rugs. Ds 13 rang and asked could I put a pizza in for him. Shouted up he knew what an oven looked like and I hung up!
*4 teens here...

CactusBlossom · 04/08/2022 21:25

You need to come first. If you feel guilty, consider this: you cannot help anyone else if you don't look after yourself.

Perhaps your father is entitled to some home help - or if money is no object to him, he might be happy to pay someone to come in to do the housework to his exacting standards.

Perhaps your ex needs to make a more appropriate contribution to his DC's upkeep? Check with Citizen's Advice in case he is falling short and needs a little wake-up call about his responsibilities. The DC will be fine doing lots of things themselves (a little cooking, perhaps? That might help you).

Original poster
Shudahaddogs · 04/08/2022 21:32

CactusBlossom · 04/08/2022 21:25

You need to come first. If you feel guilty, consider this: you cannot help anyone else if you don't look after yourself.

Perhaps your father is entitled to some home help - or if money is no object to him, he might be happy to pay someone to come in to do the housework to his exacting standards.

Perhaps your ex needs to make a more appropriate contribution to his DC's upkeep? Check with Citizen's Advice in case he is falling short and needs a little wake-up call about his responsibilities. The DC will be fine doing lots of things themselves (a little cooking, perhaps? That might help you).

Your totally correct, but why do I feel like I never do enough for everyone ? The kids dad didn't pay anything for 4 months. Then he got married the following month. Basically I paid for the wedding. Am such a mug

OP posts:
Summerhasbeenandgone · 04/08/2022 22:22

And now your ex is someone else's problem!! Remember that!!

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