Death or birth

31 replies

FfsStupid · 04/08/2022 19:58

I dont know how to feel right now.
OH had been NC with his family for around 5 years. All of a sudden out the blue we get a call to say a family member is on her death bed. We both rush to go see her (4 hour journey). OH spend time with her and says goodbyes.

Since we've come back home. OH has had calls from crying family members saying they need him there for support, (there are plenty of them to support each other), I then over hear him saying I'll come tomorrow. Later OH asked me if he should go, I didn't say much, just I dont know. After a while he says he will go for a few days.

I'm currently 8 months pregnant and I'm really struggling as it is. He very briefly mentioned that I should go too but then retracted. I'm anxious if anything should happen then he'll be 4 hours away.

I don't know how to feel because ideally I'd want him to be there with his family however there is nothing that he can do there apart from comfort people. But with my situation theres me and the baby, I dont have family around, just the odd friend. Should anything happen I'll be all alone.

I know me being pregnant doesn't trump anything but I feel a little sad that hes not really considered me and the baby in this.

OP posts:

ErrolTheDragon · 06/08/2022 00:05

You may need him to be physically with you. Why do these people need him actually there after years of NC?

Discovereads · 06/08/2022 00:13

Might want to check with hospital and see if they’ve relaxed the covid restrictions? From what I hear some hospitals are still not letting dads/partners be with the mum on the maternity ward during labour and childbirth. Could affect your decision.

Babyroobs · 06/08/2022 00:26

mdinbc · 05/08/2022 23:26

let him go. You are weeks away from giving birth, and the drive is 4 hours for him to be home. 80% of first babies are born after due date, and average labour is 12 hours. He has plenty of time to come home if you go into labour.

He will not get time back with dying loved ones, and he can help heal relationships with other family members.

This.

RightMessUp · 06/08/2022 10:01

I'd let him make up his own mind. He might need to be with his family. He might be downplaying it to you.

LizzieW1969 · 06/08/2022 12:34

RightMessUp · 06/08/2022 10:01

I'd let him make up his own mind. He might need to be with his family. He might be downplaying it to you.

I agree with this. It really has to be his decision.

Alliswells · 06/08/2022 14:56

ErrolTheDragon · 06/08/2022 00:05

You may need him to be physically with you. Why do these people need him actually there after years of NC?

Because watching a family member die can be the most unimaginable pain. Mentally physically and emotionally. Which is why family members reach out to each other at times like this.

It is up to him of course but I think it would be very cruel to be portrayed that he's putting a family death before the birth of his baby. Very cruel

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