AIBU to be a bit devastated at expecting multiples?

[EeveeFan]

Unsure of where else to post this, as I don't have anyone to discuss it with irl.

I was previously told twins and today there's an extra one. I had a very strange feeling that something this bad would happen. I thought one baby would have been difficult to add to my situation, but I accepted it's my own fault for sleeping with the ex husband.

The pregnancy is already very high risk, it was extra high risk with two babies. I'm not sure I'm capable of having three healthy babies from this pregnancy. How am I actually supposed to do this on my own?

I feel this is karma to me. :(a bit

You need to reach out for help and , assuming you rent, ensure that you're on the nihe waiting list for housing. I got confused about your scan information, is it definite that you're having triplets. Social services have the means to help you and to be a really effective conduit to other services so ask for help.

Unfortunately, I don't rent and I'm not on the waiting list. I'm not entitled to benefits or housing, the flat I'm staying in isn't mine. I can't say anything too identifying, but that's why I get financial help from social services. If they can recommend other services, that's ok, but regular involvement isn't desirable to anyone.

I hope they're wrong, but everything was pointed out on scan and she seemed quite thorough. I would have preferred to win the money lottery, rather than the baby one, but it is what it is.

I'm assuming there may be a certain level of isolation in your situation also and that must make it even more stressful.
Is there any chance you can get access to a larger property as that's going to be really important. I'm sure all of us who've only had one baby at a time would stress that you should take all the help you can and I'm certainly aware of other families in NI who've been given practical assistance with triplets.
Best of luck.

OP you must be so stressed, I can't imagine.

I just can't help but think.... however difficult it would be to find the childcare and the money to travel to England for treatment, it'll still be a shitload easier than raising triplets.

Whatever you do I wish you much strength x

Is there no one to help you with lending money or helping with childcare so you can travel?

Abortion support network provide advice and financial assistance. Please contact them, you sound so desperate and cornered. Even having an idea of some options might be helpful.

www.asn.org.uk

You are in a very hard situation, NI or not. To be facing triplet babies plus your toddler must be overwhelming. I had (just) twins + a 18 month old and 4 yr old, but had a partner. The triplets will need a lot of care, especially if premature and/or underweight. You need to seek out all the help you possibly can, now, while you have the energy to find the help. There may be church support groups or community support groups who could provide help during your first months of having the babies. You may also need help for last weeks of pregnancy, as you may be admitted for bed rest. Now is the time to throw yourself at the mercy of your local community, social services etc, hopefully you will be surprised at what help is available.

Hi OP. Didn’t want to read and run. I’m in NI too and wanted to offer my support. There are some organisations you can reach out to, Solo is a group in Belfast for single mums. Also Gingerbread NI, Parenting NI, Women’s Aid and Mums NI might be able to help.

What about your local Orange Order or GAA club?

So you dont wanna go to England for an abortion because of" childcare and money"
But you are going to have 3 babies that is going to cost you $$$$. Plus your mh...
And you are already struggling financially
AND you dont want your ex h near you ever again

Op come on. What are you doing.

So sorry you're in this situation OP. Don't talk about karma as it isn't that, it's simple bad luck.

I'm really sorry if this suggestion is offensive to you or anyone else, and please understand I come from a place of ignorance so there may be all sorts of reasons why this wouldn't work, but if you really don't feel you can look after the triplets as well as your older children on your own (and who could blame you!) and abortion is completely inaccessible to you, could you look at having the triplets placed with an adoptive family? I appreciate it wouldn't help with your own health concerns and that it might be very difficult emotionally and not something you're willing to consider, which is entirely fair, just wanted to put it out there.

OP, I can't help but endorse this.

Your head must be all over the place. Very hard decision.

If you were my closest girlfriend in the world, this is what I'd be saying to you.

Much love X

Please contact twinstrust. They have a great helpline where you can chat to someone for support and advice, they really helped me when my twins were little. If you go ahead with this pregnancy they will but you in touch with other triplet mums. Personally I think I would be making that trip to England but you must do whatever is right for you, good luck xxx

It would be worth taking on some short term debt in order to pay for childcare and make it over to England. You still have options here but if you wait you'll be out of time. Think carefully about which outcome would be best.

Hi OP, I'm in NI too. You must be feeling so overwhelmed and isolated at the minute, and I don't think posters from outside NI realise just how hard and stressful it is for someone here to travel to England for an abortion, nevermind having to cope with the stigma of it that people in NI can still carry

Alliance for Choice have some information on how to access an abortion on the NHS in England if that is what you would like to do... your travel costs and accomodation can be covered for you. They may also have some info on support/help regarding childcare for the time you would be away
www.alliance4choice.com/1224-weeks-pregnant

Or I think this is the link to book it all directly
www.msichoices.org.uk/abortion-services/travelling-from-northern-ireland/

If you need doctors to sign off on it and they won't, then it might be worth contacting Naomi Long of the Alliance Party, who has spoken out before about how she feels the limit here should be 24 weeks, in line with the UK. Her email is [email protected]

If you'd like to proceed with the pregnancy, then please do get in touch with some of the organisations other NI posters have mentioned, you might be surprised how much help is out there. I don't know your circumstances re housing/benefits/social services, but here is a list of NI Advice Centres... the one most local to you will hopefully be able to advise on what financial help you would be able to access and help with finding more appropriate accomodation if needed. If you do end up moving, consider having a look at areas that Home Start and Sure Start cover
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/about-us/northern-ireland/

Wishing you all the best OP, I don't envy the position you're in, and I hope it all works out for you x