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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday woes

28 replies

Dirtystreetpie · 04/08/2022 15:34

My DH and I have 2 weeks off work. We came on holiday on Sunday. We are on a beach UK holiday. My DH never really wants to go away, he likes spending time with kids but argues that he can do that at home and loves where we live so doesn’t see the point. He never used to be like this and it’s crept up over the years.

So in his eyes it’s a compromise that we go away for 1 week and then have 1 week at home. Issue for me our DC have unfortunately been very unwell since getting here. So I have been stuck in our accommodation caring for a very clingy unhappy, poorly DS, DH has managed to get out a bit with DS1. I feel like we should extend our trip as we have the fortune to be staying somewhere we can just extend at no cost as family friends place with no other booking. He initially said he wants to go home on Sunday as that’s one week regardless. I’ve managed to get him to agree to Tuesday. He said he hopes I recognise and appreciate his compromise. I’m finding it hard not to resent him for this, we could stay for a whole 4 extra days, DC could recover in next 2 days and we could still enjoy a family holiday. AIBU? He makes me feel so unreasonable. I just wish he wanted to be here. It’s the same every summer now.

OP posts:
TheGraceFace · 04/08/2022 15:37

Why don’t you stay then?

Shoxfordian · 04/08/2022 16:00

Yanbu

He sounds miserable

mowly77 · 04/08/2022 16:03

Send him home stay on own. I take my DD on holiday alone as DP so miserable on holidays he ruins them all,

Softplayhooray · 04/08/2022 16:04

Tbh OP you all sound miserable, why compound it by making him stay 2 days longer (a sacrifice for him) yet STILL resenting him for it? It sucks when everyone gets ill but it does happen. You can still have a lovely week at home.

Endlesslypatient82 · 04/08/2022 16:06

You sound like you have very incompatible ways of enjoying holidays. Neither right nor wrong.
how old are the children?

yee you could certainly suggest but given what has been agreed - entirely his prerogative to say… “it’s lovely and sunny back home, I’d like to enjoy family time now at home as agreed”

Endlesslypatient82 · 04/08/2022 16:07

This doesn’t sound like me definition of a happy holiday. For anyone. The word “resent” and your husband in the context of extending a holiday is quite telling

MumMumMumMumMum1 · 04/08/2022 16:08

I’m finding it hard not to resent him for this

I imagine he finds it hard not to resent you for pressuring him to stay longer when he would rather be at home.

Endlesslypatient82 · 04/08/2022 16:11

He never used to be like this and it’s crept up over the years.

and there’s nothing wrong with that.

50% away
50% home

Sounds like a perfect compromise for a couple with different views on what makes an enjoyable holiday

HannahSternDefoe · 04/08/2022 16:11

Hmm, as an adult, when I was ill on a 14day uk beach holiday I just wanted to go home - and did after 6 days.
Up to you and him - you're getting a couple of extra days there to replace the "clingy" ones, so it seems fair enough to me.

SummaLuvin · 04/08/2022 16:12

the problem is that a compromise sometimes makes no-one happy. He wanted to stay home, you wanted a holiday abroad, and the two of you decided middle ground was a UK holiday that neither of you wanted in the first place. Not sure either of you is unreasonable, you just have mismatched desires on this.

Only point is that your OP implies you have been doing all the caring for ill DC while he has had the chance to enjoy himself, if I have understood correctly then this is unfair and you both should have had the chance to get out while the other stayed back with DC.

FrownedUpon · 04/08/2022 16:16

That would make me so miserable, but I love my holidays. I couldn’t be with someone like that who just wants to stay at home, it’s so limiting and dull.

Endlesslypatient82 · 04/08/2022 16:17

So in his eyes it’s a compromise that we go away for 1 week and then have 1 week at home.

Well yes OP, that is pretty much the most perfect example of a compromise!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 04/08/2022 16:45

You haven't had a holiday or any kind of real break yet, which is why you wanted to go in the first place.

I find it is never a holiday at home because you always end up looking at the chores you ought to be doing and we only have days out if I plan them and book them in.

He has had a chance to get out with DS1. but you have been caring for a sick child.

As you could extend the holiday for a few days at no cost. He's being selfish if he makes you all go home, when all four of you could go out and do something nice now that DS2 is better

Don't you deserve a holiday too?

Original poster
Dirtystreetpie · 04/08/2022 16:50

Thanks everyone. I guess it’s just disappointment at yet another crap holiday that he doesn’t particularly want to be on. It’s hard when you have different ideas for how to spend your leave and family time and I get marriage is compromise but it can be very hard sometimes when you just wish you wanted the same things and weren’t always butting heads. Maybe I should just suggest I do this alone with the kids each year.

OP posts:
Endlesslypatient82 · 05/08/2022 05:30

why are all your holidays crap?

autienotnaughty · 05/08/2022 06:17

I'd go away without him going forward. You won't enjoy a holiday he's unhappy on.

balalake · 05/08/2022 07:07

Not good I agree. I wonder if it is indicative of something more deep-seated than just not wanting to spend money. Does your OP work from home, not leave the house for many things?

Rainbowqueeen · 05/08/2022 07:12

Doing it alone with the kids is the perfect compromise. No point in him coming along and sucking the joy out of it. I’m assuming that you don’t do that when you have the week at home??? If he makes the week away miserable then it’s not really him compromising is it.

Going alone means you will have the opportunity to plan something you will enjoy and look forward to

joycies · 17/05/2023 20:34

Tell him to ask the kids what they want?? If it's free then why on earth would he stop you from having a few peaceful days. Would he make a huge fuss if you stayed on and he went home?

CoronationKicking · 17/05/2023 20:39

"Would he make a huge fuss if you stayed on and he went home?"

@joycies do you really think the OP is still there? 🤣🤣

joycies · 17/05/2023 21:18

What is an OP please?

Badknitter · 17/05/2023 21:21

OP = original poster

joycies · 18/05/2023 13:44

Deuhh, new on here !

Singleandproud · 15/07/2023 08:57

Ahh, I read the thread but managed to miss the update.

I hope you have a more enjoyable day today.

Singleandproud · 15/07/2023 08:59

Dear God, I don't know whether its my phone or the stupid related threads, that end up redirecting me.

This is an Old thread I wouldnt bother posting on it.