Husband and his driving

[whatty]

My husband has had his licence for about 17 years (he passed in his late 20s), but has been a reluctant/ irregular driver during this time. His reluctance with regards to driving was discussed pretty early on in our relationship (married 11 years, together for 14 years) as I didn't want to have to always be the driver (visiting his parents who lived 3 hours away, sister lived the other side of London) so he will drive- but only because he has to if that makes sense. We have recently got an automatic, which I had hoped would improve things so he had less to think about- but it hasn't really unfortunately.
Over the years- I have mentioned multiple times about his late braking, asking me what he should do in certain situations, getting confused re: lanes etc etc. in my view- he is the driver, and if I wasn't there, he would have to make a decision.
We are currently driving back from our holiday- and he has been clueless again re: lanes, which resulted in us driving away from home instead of towards home and adding 30mins to our journey. When I mentioned that he is a flipping nightmare- he excused his ineptness with there being "a lot going on" when he was joining the motorway. There are also times when he brakes so suddenly, that it is scary being a passenger at times.
So- any advice? Should I ask him to book driving lessons to improve this situation? Or am I being too opinionated about his cluelessness and should just suck it up? Or should I do all the driving to ensure me and our 3 children are kept from a future car accident? (Not really an AIBU- more WWYD!)
For context- I've been driving for 25 years and have always had a car. I happily drive abroad/ hire vans etc.

Get the train.
Bullying him to drive isn't fair. You find it easy, he doesn't.

Some refresher lessons and then he does all the driving for a few weeks to bed it in.

He's not going to get any better if he passed his test 17 years ago, I think it might be time to accept that driving isn't his strong point and deal with it.

Some people it just doesn't click for, it's stressful and dangerous and they shouldn't be on the road. It sounds like he's one of them, you knew this when you met him and hope that it would improve has to be let go now, I think.

This isn't "refresher course" stuff for someone who passed their test a couple of years ago, but hasn't had access to a car, it's a fundamental lack of ability. I think you're in suck it up territory, sorry!

He can try a refresher course but you need to accept he mat just be a poor driver, as others say not everybody is good at it.

You don't come across as a supportive passenger. If it stresses you out so much you may simply have to suck it up and recognise that you are now the driver.

If my husband was shouting at me while I was driving it would make things worse for me. I would refuse to drive him. Driving certainly isn't a "basic skill" in my opinion. It's numerous controls, manoeuvres etc all having to be times correctly. You have to be looking at numerous things at once. Not everyone's brains work in that way. I learned last year and from daily driving I'd say I'm a fairly good driver now but my special awareness was terrible for ages. I still get my husband to do the more challenging drives such as long distance on the motorways. Perhaps a few refresher lessons are needed you and will need to drive the journeys he struggles with. Shouting won't help!

Sorry terrible grammar on mobile.

I do find the sat nav calms me down though!

Advanced driver training lessons- it actually gives you different techniques and methods of driving which may help him. Things like limit points for judging corners, braking techniques & essentially best practice for managing traffic.

OH won't use a satnav, he finds it too distracting.

Just looked www.bsm.co.uk/pass-plus was £340 for 10 hours of driving (in my area) you will need to check for yours. Maybe a birthday or christmas present? They do have gift options 😉

The late braking is because he is not reading the road ahead and anticipating, he is just reacting to what is in front of him. I understand as my mother was a terrible driver and did the exact same thing and it is nerve racking.

I ask my DH for lanes if he's in the car. On my own, I struggle unless sat nav tells me (at the type where the direction is written on the road and under a car until it's too late and you're driving over it). I'm a timid driver and don't dare change lanes late so when I'm on my own, if I'm in the wrong one, I go with it until I can double back. Obviously he'd be less than impressed. I have a tiny automatic which I thought I loved. It's an improvement but nothing compared to driving an electric car. I've become much more confident since changing to electric.

A refresher driving lesson or two would help. There are absolutely loads of YouTube videos by driving instructors focusing on roundabouts, lane selection etc if he wants to watch that in the comfort of his own home. Ds1 is learning to drive. £34 per hour but he does a 2 hour slot.

Has he definitely got a licence? My friends ex was like this , turned out he never took lessons or a test !!

I'm in a similar situation-dh passed 8-9 years ago & rarely drives-he's really nervous/anxious about it. We're in NI though where it's nowhere near as hectic as London & he is a nervous driver.

I've spent years wishing, hoping. & praying he'll take dc out or drive places. He just avoids everything which I find really frustrating. However I really don't think you should be shouting & giving off when he gets something wrong. I'm sure it's adding more pressure if he already feels anxious about it.

Stop calling it a "basic skill" when it isn't. It is a very complex skill and not all of us are naturals at it. It isn't nice to make someone who finds driving difficult and challenging feel inadequate.

I drive but am a nervous driver who lacks confidence, took me forever and many attempts to pass my test. I’ll happily drive my short regular journey to work or the few local places I go to often but if i have to drive anywhere I don’t know especially in a city, I get really anxious, luckily my husband gets this and does all our long journeys even though he doesn’t love it. Some people just find it a lot harder, I’d love to be the type of person who had the confidence to get in the car and drive anywhere but I’m not. I have the worst sense of direction too and can’t follow a sat nav so often end up lost going somewhere new.

My H is rather like you as a passenger OP (with everyone, not just me). I’m a nervous driver and not a natural either. Only after having my license for 12 or 13 years did I come to feel somewhat comfortable and confident driving. It was later still that I felt I’d managed to automatise any of the necessary skills. Before that it was all learnt technique, concentration, calculation and ovaries of steel.

I believe I drove with DP as a passenger no more than 5 or 10 times after passing my test (those where short journeys too) before flat out refusing to drive with him as a passenger again. His anxiety, dramatic reactions, criticism and need for control, and the effect that had on my driving, simply make it impossible for me to drive safely. I may, possibly, have had him as a passenger once since in an emergency.

I carried on driving (on my own, with the children and with other passengers) and get along just fine. I don’t drive with that sort of passenger though. Never.

I think it’d be wise for your DP to think about extra driving lessons and for him not to drive with you as a passenger again until he feels safe to do so.

I hate being driven by my DH . He late brakes, travels far too close to the car in front and basically scares the shit out of me. One year we were going to the south of France for a holiday and he wanted to take the car, so I flew, he drove and I met him there. Everyone was much happier as a result.

Sounds like my SIL and I will literally never get in the car with her!