Will it get better? (not really AIBU)

[missverstaendnis]

Not sure why I am starting this thread, possibly as I am feeling so overwhelmed and with noone to vent to IRL.

It's summer holidays, and I know I should be grateful for what I do have but I feel so broken and under pressure.

DD12 &DS13 are brilliant kids, but we live in a small rented 2 bed flat where I have no space to myself anymore after giving up my bedroom earlier this year as I couldn't find an affordable bigger place and their need for having their own bedrooms seemed greater.

So here I am now, sleeping in the living room every night, the same room I am also in all day (WFH). Working full time and not being able to afford a holiday, stressing over having to replace uniforms and shoes as they grow so quickly, stressing over not being able to afford days out over the holidays. Can't afford to have a car so days out are limited to local things like a trip to the beach (very grateful for living in walking distance to one for sure). Overall I am feeling like I am failing them really.

Ex-H recently got diagnosed with cancer and has been unable to work/ contribute/have his kids as a result of being so poorly so they are always with me and I pay for everything.

I never planned on my life going this way, being a single parent, we were married before having the children. I have given up on the idea of a new partner, despite being only in my late 30s. I just can't see where they would fit in with the situation I am in and after a few online dating stunts it does really transpire that the 'desperate' single mum stigma exists (even though I am far from desperate if I may say so myself lol).

It's just so miserable, lonely at times and seems like it never ends, the constant worry about money despite working full time in a decent job. And looks to be getting even worse, maybe time to stop watching the constant news RE inflation and energy crisis.

How is anyone else managing to stay positive through this?
Would love to hear some positive stories of others who were in similar miserable position and managed to improve their lives!!

And thanks for letting me vent.

Any option to work somewhere other than home?

Totally. If you get your own corner id does feel better straight away. And since kids have their rooms, it can be just yours when you want it.
To change it up for sleep (so you don't sleep exactly where you work) have you considered some proper cool curtain to close off work space? If doable

yes I can go into an office but it's summer holidays, leaving the kids home alone all day doesn't seem greatest solution as that would add up to 10 hours a day with my commute.
Lets bare in mind their dad has just been diagnosed with cancer as well so maybe they need some re-assurance for a parent to be around for the odd chat or make them a meal even if they can cook themselves.
I will return to the office once they are back at school though

You don't sound as though you're a bad mother at all OP! You sound like an amazing mum who is doing her very best for her children despite struggling financially. You're kids will see your struggle and love you for it.

Is the wifi good enough to work in the garden, or could you hotspot from your phone?

It does sound tough & you are clearly doing your best for your DC