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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to ask what age you went on holiday without DC

32 replies

LolaIsHome · 04/08/2022 09:57

Our DD has always come on holidays with us in the past. Now our DD does not want to come along (she is 15), she wants to either stay at home, or stay with a friend for the two weeks.

Any thoughts on this?

I guess it will feel a bit strange to travel with just DH too. Not done that for a long long time!

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 04/08/2022 09:59

15 is far too young to stay at home for 2 weeks and I certainly wouldn't ask a friends parent to host her. I'd be a bit shocked as a parent if I was asked to do this unless the other parent was a very close friend. She either goes or stays with a grandparent or auntie etc surely?

Adversity · 04/08/2022 10:08

He was 20 but DS likes coming with us because as he says who doesn’t like a free holiday. He goes away with his GF now but we plan on all going away for a few days in September. She is too young to be left fir two weeks.

What sort of holiday are you planning ?

BiddyPop · 04/08/2022 10:08

Well, last year we didn't actually have a holiday (when DD was 15) - just because of the pandemic and the need to cancel plans. But we had planned to do what we actually did do this summer (except that this year we were confident to leave her to camp staff at the airport on arrival - last year we were going to drop and collect at camp site itself):
All fly together to EU country.
DD attend a 1 week intensive training camp for her sport, sleeping on site.
DH and I stayed in an apartment nearby (as convenient) but completely separate and actually relaxed in the city.
Met together at the airport for flight home.

In my own case, I was 21 when I was first left alone at home. I can see us leaving DD younger than that, but not until next summer at least (when she will be 17) and then only likely for a weekend initially.

KnotKnot · 04/08/2022 10:15

It really depends on where/who she would be staying with. I actually stayed at home myself at that age, but my aunt/uncle lived nearby. Another factor would be how far away you are travelling, what if you needed to get home?

I will say it's great to be able to travel alone without kids. Of course you miss them, but for me it I could go to see things I wanted, go for walks I wanted, eat places I wanted, and walk around naked Blush (in the house!). It's great!

Movingsoon21 · 04/08/2022 10:17

18 for us I’m afraid, unless DC is with grandparents/aunt and uncle/ summer camp/ on holiday with a friend’a family

JustLyra · 04/08/2022 10:19

Totally depends on the child, their nature and why they don’t want to go.

At 15 I’d be more inclined to have a cheaper holiday and pay for a friend to come with them.

Ponoka7 · 04/08/2022 10:19

My youngest refused to come camping at 13. That was over ten years ago. I posted about it on here and because she was staying with my Mum, everyone agreed to let her decide. My middle DD would also stay with family from around the same age. I wouldn't let a 15 year old stay at home for two weeks. There'd have to be a level of supervision.

DelphiniumBlue · 04/08/2022 10:24

15? Absolutely not. Even if she is sensible, word will get out that there is a "free house" as my boys used to describe it, and you can then expect all sorts of shenanigans.
It's too young to cope with the sort of the things that could go wrong, and letting her have a friend stay would be asking for more trouble.
I guess she could go and stay at a friend's house but who would have an extra teenager for a fortnight and the responsibility that brings?
I speak as someone formerly known as a responsible sensible girl, and I was left alone for a few weeks at 16, with my friend's mum next door keeping an eye. It did not go well. Don't do it.

alnawire · 04/08/2022 10:26

I would try to adapt the holiday to something she will enjoy.

Ragwort · 04/08/2022 10:30

I can remember not wanting to go on family holidays from about 13 - but I had lovely DGPs who would come and stay with me. I wouldn't leave a young teenager at home alone.

I get round the problem now by holidaying on my own or with a girlfriend - leaving DH & DS at home or they would have a separate golf or similar trip - works for us Grin.

But I've got friends who still take and pay for their 20something AC + partners on holiday - they clearly all enjoy it but a holiday for me is peace and solitude... luckily we are all different.

Parky04 · 04/08/2022 10:31

14 and 13. They both stayed with grandparents. Loved going on holiday again without the moaning and sulking!

Pyewhacket · 04/08/2022 10:34

16/17

BiggerBoat1 · 04/08/2022 10:36

15 far too young to be home alone. Can't you let them help to pick the holiday/activities so they feel they want to come?

Abraxan · 04/08/2022 10:37

For the first time this year - Dd was almost 20y and couldn't make February half term.

We've had weekends away in the U.K. without her but she loves holidays and has always wanted to come away with us. And we've been happy to take her. Currently away together now.

I wouldn't leave a 15y home alone though. I'd send to grandparents or have them come to our house.

Craftybodger · 04/08/2022 10:50

15 is too young to be home alone, I also think it’s too long to stay elsewhere without very good reason - missing a holiday wouldn’t qualify for me!

What sort of holiday are you having? Is it really that unappealing to a teen? Can you compromise with her to entice her?

prepared101 · 04/08/2022 10:54

No way would I leave a 15 yo home alone for two weeks (or even a weekend tbh). I have a 14 year old and we're just at a point of going out of an evening without a 'curfew'. Once she's of Uni age- so 18- we'd go I guess.

We do holiday without our DC's but when we're away they go to grandparents or the grandparents stay at ours. The max we can squeeze out of our DP's is 5 days though- they start to get a bit fraught by day 3 and I think the kids start to realise why we say "I'll never be like my parents..." Smile

budgiegirl · 04/08/2022 11:07

I left my two sons at home for a few days when they were 16 and 15. I know they would not have had a party, it would worry them too much!! And in laws live a 5 minute walk away, and would pop in randomly.

But it helped that there were two of them, of similar age. I wouldn't have left either on their own at that age.

Original poster
LolaIsHome · 04/08/2022 11:08

Our DD has generally been a good travel companion in the past. This past year has seen her change a lot, she wants to be with friends for her 16th birthday (not holiday with us!), she has a BF for the past few months (which has also caused some problems!! I could start a different thread on that!!).

The idea of bringing a friend is a good one, and something that could work OK, i.e., we'd be able to do our activities alone if they did not want to participate.

Thanks for the input. It's super helpful, and gives me some things to think about in the next week as we figure out what to do.

OP posts:
happystory · 04/08/2022 11:09

Dd was 16 the first time we went away without her but she did have her 19yo brother at home ....

alnawire · 04/08/2022 11:10

she wants to be with friends for her 16th birthday (not holiday with us!),

It's her birthday when you are going on holiday?

rainbowandglitter · 04/08/2022 11:13

You definitely shouldn't be going away on holiday without her over her birthday

liveforsummer · 04/08/2022 11:15

You're considering to leave her over her 16th birthday? Personally I'd have booked the holiday at a different time but now it's done, you really can't do that even with leaving with family

BigSandyBalls2015 · 04/08/2022 11:17

15 is a tricky age for holidays. I remember a massive row with one of my DDs at that age, she originally said she wanted to go, and the night before the flight she announced she wasn't. There were parties going on that she would miss etc etc. Friends at that age are far more important than family. I did manage to get her on the plane and she did enjoy it eventually, but it was a lot of aggro.

Funnily enough she was talking about it the other day (she's now 21), saying what a brat she was Grin.

She loves coming on holiday with us now, and going away with friends/boyfriends.

Could she not take a friend with her? I think that's the solution at that age if they're an only child .... mine are twins so had company but I think I would have suggested bringing a friend otherwise.

It wasn't until they were 18 that we left them home alone, I was too worried about parties/not locking up/leaving the gas on .... to enjoy a holiday alone until they matured a bit!

I thought it would be odd going away with just DH ... we had done weekends away without DDs, over the years, but never longer than 2 or 3 nights. We soon got used to it Grin, it was lovely pleasing ourselves and not having to take their wishes into account ... and a lot cheaper!

Lovetogarden2022 · 04/08/2022 11:17

My last 'family' holiday with my parents was when I was 16. I think after GCSEs is reasonable to be left alone. I was left at home on my own from being 15/16 (not for 2 weeks, but for a long weekend etc whilst my parents went away).
I generally enjoyed holidays with my parents as they tried to encourage things I'd like to do. Ie I always brought a friend along from being about 13 or 14, and we were allowed to go to nightclubs or go to restaurants on our own.
However, my nieces and nephews who are in their late teens still go away with their parents and the rest of the family, and it's got to the point with my mum's friends that they actually moan that they've still got to bring their teenage kids with them on holiday 😂
I'd maybe not leave her at home for 2 weeks, but I'd definitely suggest bringing a friend along and letting them have 'their own' holiday and go off and do their own things

AuntieMarys · 04/08/2022 11:22

16, post gcses.