AIBU to follow a healthy lifestyle whilst TTC?

[Superstorefan123]

So for background, I have PCOS which unfortunately is very much ‘triggered’ by lifestyle factors (when I become overweight I stop ovulating, if I don’t exercise my cycle is irregular that type of thing). I’ve also recently had a miscarriage.

Back on TTC and want to spruce up my health a bit - loss a bit of weight (I’m only about 5lbs overweight), stop drinking alcohol/caffeine, do some exercise, taken vitamins that sort of thing. To be clear I’m not saying everyone HAS to do this to get pregnant - I however unfortunately do 😞 (all recommendations doctor given before turning to medication) so it’s fair to say I’m taking it pretty seriously!

I try not to bring up why I’m doing any of this when asked (eg why aren’t you drinking tonight) and say something generic like ‘just cutting down a bit’ but a few friends have clocked based on history (knew I was TTC before miscarriage) and I’ve had so many comments along the lines of;

‘I didn’t do any of that and got pregnant straight away. Maybe just relax and see what happens?’

‘Its excessive to stop drinking wait until you get a positive! You aren’t even pregnant yet!’

‘stop being boring you’ll regret not drinking when you can’t drink’

‘I didn’t take any supplements and my baby turned out perfect, you don’t want to take loads of unnecessary stuff’ (I’m only taking pregncare)

Its upset me as it seems like people think lifestyle changes are pointless, maybe they are? Maybe fertility is just good/bad luck and nothing I can do to change it? I feel so helpless I just wanted to give myself a boost but now I feel silly and like I shouldn’t bother :(

AIBU to follow lifestyle changes or does it really make no difference and I should listen to friends?

(From experience) there really is a lot of pressure on a woman while trying to conceive if it's not happening quickly. In my case it was pressure I was somehow putting on myself, silly I know, but that was my situation.

I did deliberately switch to a more healthy lifestyle before TTC, a few months before. I suppose I was influenced by what I'd read online, in books, etc. Overall I think the changes were positive, and I was in a good place later (after IVF!!) when our child was born, breastfeeding, etc.

Some people get pregnant easily, and that's great for them. But I feel they don't fully understand the challenges for those that don't. Also, you should try enjoy TTC, and have some fun :) Sadly, looking back it was sometimes a chore for me and maybe I was pushing DH a bit too much.

I second pp suggesting myo-inositol. It has so many benefits for PCOS, not just for those ttc. I order mine from amazon, about £8 and lasts me around 2 months

I think often people see someone doing something different to how they did it, and (without realising) take it as some sort of criticism of how they did things, and get defensive. It doesn't make sense of course, but I would hazard a guess that the comments you're getting are more of a subconscious way of making themselves feel better for not doing these things/reassuring themselves they did it "right".

Please try to ignore them. If these things feel helpful in improving you're overall health, and are making you feel good, then that's great.

‘I didn’t do any of that and got pregnant straight away. Maybe just relax and see what happens?’

Fucking hell OP - THIS, from a friend who knew you suffered a MC? Fucksake that's insensitive & self-absorbed ...

Do whatever makes you feel good. And to remarks of that ilk, just tell them "that's nice dear, but I'll be deferring to medical professionals for advice, not random stealth braggers."
Maybe leave off the last bit

Best of luck with your journey OP

I was incredibly fortunate and conceived as soon as we started trying. But I still weaned myself off caffeine before we started trying and didn't drink alcohol once we started trying. I can't understand women who are trying to get pregnant but still drink and carry on as normal until they get a positive pregnancy test, because you've already been pregnant for at least a couple of weeks by that point. I really enjoy a drink, so I knew that if I didn't get pregnant right away I could have some wine when I got my period!

In short, you're not doing anything wrong, and you have some very strange friends.