How to cope with TTC

[blueberry23]

We are 5 months in to TTC our second baby.
In that time I've quit breastfeeding due to having two chemical pregnancies.
This is my first cycle breastfeeding free and I was so so hopeful.

I'm 9DPO today and I know I shouldn't have tested but with every other pregnancy I've had a positive by now. It was negative... and I just have felt so miserable all day. I have zero symptoms so can't help but think another month passes us by.

We are mid 30s and I wanted my babies close together. It's probably going to be closer to a three year gap now and I'm struggling to accept this. I wish we had started trying earlier. I'm so worried there is a problem (with our son we conceived first time!) and I hate the pressure of a TTC. My DH works away a lot so whether we like it or not we have to forward plan to ensure he is around.

How can I prevent this taking over my life any more than it already has? It is consuming me.

I know that realistically I'll be pregnant by Christmas but I still can't help thinking the worst constantly.

Any advice anyone? This is making me so so sad.

I honestly think ttc brings out the worst in a person. The whole time we were I was like 'whatever happens happens ' while taking a million pregnancy tests in a day 😂 it's really hard not to let it get you down. I tried to focus on doing the things I like that I can't do pregnant like drinking nice wine and all the good soft cheese, hot baths and enjoying date nights etc to remind myself of all the little luxuries I could still have/do. I also remember a friend advising that you don't ttc you try to spice up your sex life and have fun in the process and trying to focus on that aspect helped us as well. It's not easy and talking about it is really important but your body knows what to do. Lots of self care and anything you find reduces stress.

@blueberry23, I could have written your post. Same sort of age as you and also facing a much larger age gap than we wanted due to 10 cycles TTC number 2. Every time AF arrives I feel even more miserable than the previous month. I don't have any advice on staying sane and not letting it totally consume life, just wanted you to know you aren't alone. I feel like I've gone from a totally relaxed, rational person to the complete opposite.

@fsr111 I'm sorry you're going through the same 😢 did you struggle first time round? I didn't realise how luck we were back then!

It's a really cruel journey.

I feel like even if I fell pregnant I couldn't be excited after two early losses.

@Cw122 thank you. Great advice

After many many years spent TTC all I can say is focus on the now. Enjoy every moment of now. If you have a DH/DP you love and enjoy spending time with cherish it, enjoy each others company. Particularly if you already have DC1 don't squander precious time with them chasing an ideal. If and when it happens it'll be so wonderful. But don't spoil now pining over something you don't have yet.

Nope, pregnant first attempt last time for us too. Didn't give any thought to how lucky we were until this journey. Good luck to you, hopefully it will happen for us both really soon!

Advice above is good OP. I fell pregnant first time with DD1 and thought I'd be the same for DD2 and she took a year of TTC before I got pregnant. It was all consuming at the time but I really wish I'd relaxed more. I think spicing up your sex life is a good approach as I think DH and I lost our way a bit with sex being all about TTC.

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for some amazing responses.

I had a tiny tiny bit of spotting this morning. Not like a period though....

I did another test because well, that's who I am 😂

I can't believe my eyes. Am I going crazy?

@blueberry23, no way! Not crazy at all, that definitely looks like a line to me! 🤩

@fsr111 I'm so shocked and want to be happy but feel I can't due to the two miscarriages. We obviously don't struggle conceiving it's the keeping hold of it!

I so hope you get your positive test soon. Please let me know when you do xxx

Thanks lovely! And good luck! Will be keeping everything crossed for you!

@fsr111 been heavily bleeding all night so sure it's a chemical now. This is our third one 😢

OP, I'm so sorry. Are you sure that test was positive? It's very early to test, implantation usually happens 8-12 days post ovulation and only then does HCG rise..
I used to use FRER tests but then saw all the latest Google reviews including a nurse who said they're not as good as they were anymore and she tells patients not to use them..
You'll know of course re your other two but wondering if the test above is positive. It might help ease the pain if you know it wasn't a chemical.
I think with things like this we need to let go of control, focus on what we have and trust whatever age gap is there is meant to be, otherwise its too hard xx

The other thing is do you know how long your luteal phase is? I read something in a support group about it sometimes being shorter when breastfeeding.. And pregnancy not able to happen as a result.. That will resolve if it is the case now you're not feeding I'm guessing but it might take a while for everything to come right so be patient and kind and gentle and all those nice things to yourself xx

Sorry you’re going through this, it’s awful. I went through similar to get both my DC and it’s really upsetting.

My tips would be:
-if you have a regular cycle don’t test too soon. Wait til you’re due on your period.
-focus on enjoying yourself with DP. Have sex because if feel like it not because you’re in your fertile window.
-unless you’ve been told you have to, don’t alter your lifestyle too much. Eat and drink what you feel like, it’s unlikely to make a massive difference unless you’ve been told to do so by a doctor.
-let go of the ‘ideal age gap’. This may allow you to relax and take the pressure off.

Take it easy on yourself x

Good advice right here

TTC has taught me patience. I had three miscarriages followed by the birth of DD. I’ve since had another miscarriage while TTC#2. I’ve also had chemical pregnancies.

My personal way of coping with it is just accepting that this is happening to me and I can’t do anything other than live through it day by day. I have moments of grief because there has been a lot of disappointment and upset but I want to keep going. I also count myself very lucky in having DD. I don’t do too many pregnancy tests anymore because they aren’t actually that helpful. I have also noticed that since going through all this I have much more empathy, which is a good thing.

Best wishes OP.

I got pregnant relatively quickly once we started trying, but mc. Been over a year since and nothing 😞

I've just had my 4th chemical pregnancy in a row. I would love to know why they arent sticking 😔 I feel your pain OP

Hey did any of you ladies manage to conceive after

OP stop testing so early. Make plans and keep yourself busy and enjoy the time with your little one.

Zombie thread 🤦‍♀️