My father in law is a dick

[MakeMineABourbon]

Don’t want to do detail because I’d hate to be recognised but my father in law (not married but together 10+ so as good as) is a complete c word. He’s misogynistic, narcissistic, declares he’s head of the family and I cannot stand him. Im often at fault for things I’ve had nothing to do with. He’s always out to teach me a lesson. My partner is no where near as bad, sticks up for me sometimes but at times reminds me of him. Do I cut my losses and just go now? Could not stand to end up like my MIL. Thanks.

Some people like to boss others around but you are your own person, grown up and functioning. This FIL is just a creep trying to get control of the whole family. If your partner is anything like this he needs to be shown the door,

Stop seeing him. No one can make you. Don’t waste your time with arseholes. If you can’t make a go of your relationship even with stopping seeing FIL then that’s a fine decision. Not being happy with your partner is a good enough reason to end it.

Do you have children?

What has your partner said when you have talked about this? If you’re not talking about it then yes cut your losses.

Why do you spend time with him?

Leave both if they are anything like each other.

Sounds like you see him a lot? My FIL was like that and once a year was more than enough. DH visited him more often but I was happy to have as little as possible to do with him.

He looks after my kids in term time once a week because it saves us money.
There are other ways we benefit from this and I really do look at it like “how do I gain from this arrangement”. I smile and yes and no and be polite and leave.
I see him as little as possible. My partner knows I can’t stand him. My partner hates my mom.
Just been for a milestone birthday weekend away with his family and friends. Maybe I’m feeling things more keenly because of this. Maybe it’s because I don’t drink but have just had a well deserved cider!
God, families!!

My partner is genuinely a nice person. Otherwise I’d have cut and run for other reasons. It’s just his Dad. I absolutely cannot stand him!

If he’s as awful as you say you shouldn’t let him around your DC unattended in case he infects them with his nonsense

We have talked about a few obvious things his Dad has done/said. Each time my partner recognises why I am upset. Normally he sticks up for me after the moment, bit late but he does stick up for me. He loves his family deeply though. As I do mine. So hard.

Have we got the same FIL?
I am absolutely done with mine. My soon to be DH is very understanding but at the same time it’s his dad.
I would be quite happy to never see him again. I wish I had wise words but I can offer empathy.

You loathe your FIL so much you're considering ending an otherwise happy relationship with your DP, but you're ok with him providing childcare? I know childcare is expensive but is the money you're saving really worth it? Surely its worth looking into other options before you consider leaving your DP, who from what you're saying doesn't seem to have done anything wrong?

WTAF would you leave your children with someone you describe as a narcissistic, misogynistic cunt?!

Leave please

The fact you say your partner is 'no where near as bad' tells me you should cut and run. If you said nothing like him then maybe it would be salvageable, but the fact you use 'as bad' is already too much when you (quite rightly) hate his dad so much.